This is supposed to be a day of rest a day for worship specifically in God’s house with God’s people. Things are getting just a “tad” better with my mum on this day, but she still knows how to disrupt another individual’s life.
I am little by little becoming upfront with her on Sunday mornings placing boundaries, especially meeting up with her between services which disrupts my time and things I want to do. Even though she saw me last night, she wanted to see me again between services. I said no I was not too sure if I would be around between services. Naturally that statement was not taken lightly.
No wonder I dread Sunday’s and usually worn out with arguing and planning before even getting out of the house. Many times I just isolate myself at church and am really there in body but not spirit. I feel very crushed, shameful and alone during these times.
But, I will continue to strive for my freedom, where I can actually look forward to going to church and go with the real purpose one day on my own terms!! And really enjoy the presence of the Lord in His House!
It's to bad that your mother has to feel she needs to control you still. For you to already have a bad sense of such a holy day that you can't even enjoy the worship, that's not good. Regardless, you are making strides and have a good outlook. Here praying with you. God Bless.
ReplyDeleteonthewaynow, what is it, 30 days to break a habit? She has many habits that need to be broken. So, if I am consistant with putting my boundaries up, each 'habit' will be broken one by one.... I too, need some re-adjusting as well when this happens. Thanks for your comment.
ReplyDeleteYour dedication and committemnt to youreslf is what counts, yepp certain days are easier to palce and stick to boundaries. However you should be able to enjoy your time off. And yes it takes 4 weeks to break a habit as long as practized every day! Wish you a very peacerful, calm and good day with YOU.
ReplyDeleteYou're going to be giving your mother new opportunities to do new things and to meet new people to lean on. All good. She's got tunnel vision. You've got the cure.
ReplyDeleteMadison, you are so very right. But she is a toughie and a hard nut to crack. But I believe in miracles!
ReplyDeletePaula thank you for your concern and comment!
Good for you for setting boundaries. It'll get easier over time.
ReplyDeleteContinue striving and it will get better. That's how it works. Prayers for you in your struggle.
ReplyDeletePG
Try not to take her reactions to your boundaries personally. I know that is difficult, but you are only responsible for your own reactions. One of the most freeing comments I learned to use in those situations is: "You have a right to your own feelings, but I do not agree." and then I would just walk off.
ReplyDeleteDo not allow her comments to upset you or control you. Be polite and to the point and then simply walk away....refusing to argue the point.
Hope this helps a little.
Blessings, hugs, and prayers, andrea
Andrea, Prayer Girl and AD, appreciate all of your insights and encouragements. A truly heartfelt thank you!
ReplyDeleteJBR,
ReplyDeleteAgain, this morning, I am not in Church. I won't even go to the church (of which I'm still a member) because my mother has rejoined. I won't go there because it gives her the chance to make like all is well between us and if I wiggle out from under it - well, it makes ME look like the bad guy. There is no end.
I feel for you, I hope you are able to work it all out.
Dear Ivory, I am so very sorry that your mother is also a hinderance, especially when it comes to worship. And dear one, I can certainly understand. Thank you for sharing your situation. Blessings.
ReplyDeleteChurch means "called out" not "called in" David said, where can I go to escape Him? the depths of the sea? the tops of mountains? Even if you make your bed in hell, He is there too. So enjoy His presence where you are. Take a fall walk. ~rick
ReplyDeleteThank you Rick!
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about that struggle with your mom. Praying for the Lord to change her heart. JBR, thank you for your prayers for my son. I appreciate it and can't tell you how much it means to me. God bless you and may He continue to strengthen you and guide you.
ReplyDeleteAppreciate your kind words Rcubes.
ReplyDeleteI hope that some day that can really be a truly personal, restful sanctuary for you. You deserve that. Good for you for being more assertive!
ReplyDeleteJBR,
ReplyDeleteIn the long run, the boundaries you are setting up will help your mom, too. She just can't see it yet. Thanks for all that you share with us. It takes courage and you have this in abundance :)
Marj, it is out there the hope the joy! I too look forward to that day. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteMary, thank you for your encouragement.
JBR,
ReplyDeleteContinue to pray for God's will not only in your moms life but in what He is calling you to do with her. If you have Him on your side, you can't go wrong.
Love and Hugs ~ Kat
Praying for your mom to change her ways, and praying peace for you.
ReplyDeleteJBR, my heart goes out to you for I've had the experience of living with a very demanding mom for my entire life (minus 3 years). Psychologists say there are people who are emotionally 'high maintenance', and these folks literally suck the life and joy out of other people's lives. One of my friends had a mom so frightfully controlling that she just left her joint-bank account with her, and literally walked out of her mom's life, forever. I'm not advocating this drastic action, but for your peace of mind, it may be good to, erm, leave town and settle somewhere else for a few years? It is hard to be frank, but in this type of toxic relationship, your mom may need to know the damage she's causing you. In my case, my situation started to turn around when I issued the ultimatum to my mom to move out of my house if she wants... Not the best Christian testimony, but back then, I was at my wits' end...
ReplyDeletebaby steps, baby steps...
ReplyDeleteI like the parakeet picture you switched to. Is it a pet of yours?
ReplyDeleteWhen you first start setting boundaries with people, their first reaction is to not believe what you said or did. They will push and push and push to see if you mean what you say long before they finally accept the new boundary.
ReplyDeleteBeing firm about your new boundaries is hard, in the beginning. With more practice, it will get easier. Parents and siblings are the worst about not accepting your new boundaries. They expect you to continue on in the way that you have always been in the family system of things.
Sometimes when the boundaries are not accepted, you must take the step of removing yourself from the company of that person, at least until you are stronger. Remember also that boundaries are not walls, they are flexible.
Some habits are 30 years to reverse.
ReplyDeleteI am following you now, OK?
Secretia