"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Sunday, October 04, 2009


I want joy!

“Want,” as I believe I have never had it. And if I did, it was for a brief time that I cannot even recall!

I say this as my spirit for the past few days has been crying out so desperately with deep groanings along with floods of tears, my sides ache. Desiring so much to experience the joy that God offers!

When I feel I cannot take the agony of my pain any longer, I am provided a rest bit. Thank God, as I do not know how one can survive emotionally without having a nervous breakdown. Miraculously, my mind becomes clear within seconds. Unfortunately the cycle tends to repeat itself....for now.

Through it all I am mindful to keep praying and be open to what God needs to show me in my process of healing, i.e. worthiness especially!

But, dang, this present process is truly painful!!!

***Why this picture? I am the duckling. I see a caring parent, i.e. God, overseeing His child struggling and in pain. Desiring to help, but knowing at the same time that 'His' child must learn some things on her own. ***


  1. "You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and You listen to their cry!" Psalm 10:17

    He's always listening, always encouraging. So cry out to Him. Share everything with Him-those things that which cause you pain, those things that bring you joy. Let Him in on your secrets and your hopes. He will NEVER fail you!

    I am praying for you, my friend! :> )


  2. JBR,

    Listen to some praise and worship music and call out to God to let your spirit and soul be filled to overflowing with His never ending joy!

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

  3. Get away to a quiet, calming place. Be totally alone, and listen to His quiet still voice. He wants to love on you, and quiet all of your doubts and fears. I am praying for you.

  4. Hi JBR, I want joy too. We seek different kinds of joy. Sometimes, the simpliest thing could make you happy the entire day. And at times supposedly important events could not bring you that fulfilment. Don't know why, but it happens that way. We seek the simple pleasures, and pray that would be enough to lead a blessed life. Luv

  5. JBR,Hang in there.The joy will come.Just remember we recieve every thing on His time frame not ours.

  6. Praising GOD for your continued progress and praying for absolute healing!
    Hugs, love, and prayers, andrea

  7. When I pray for you,I'll add joy to the list:) Lord, flood JBR with your peace and grant her a joyful heart, I ask this in the name of Jesus, your beloved Son. Amen.

    "And I tell you, ask and you shall receive; seek and you shall find; knock and the door shall be opened unto you." Luke 11:9

  8. I continue to pray for you. Tuck the joy you feel at any given moment into special places in your mind. That way, when you are in pain, you can remember that there is joy in there that has been experienced and will come again.

    Love and prayers,

  9. Yeah, I put my daily happinesses into a safety deposit box, and then open it on days I really have that need--and IF I trust God, He will never let me down. When I falter, He lets me wallow in my selfishness--for a time.

  10. I'm a bad person because I don't even know what to say. I've been there; still am most of the time, at least from what I can gather from your post. I like how you describe the photo in this....it ties it all in with your writing with this visual and now I feel so badly for the duckling. You can and will get through this...I truly believe that. Why? Because of God, His Son, and You're already chosen, blood bought by Him! I clicked on your 'about me' and was going to read your 'background' but I'm a little nervous to do so just yet...I fear we may have some (though not all) things in common from our upbringing. Maybe I'll have the strenght to click on the link another day. Hang in there JBR! God's got your back and even though you don't know all the answers....He already does!

    God bless,

  11. don't dispair my little duckling. you will conquer this too...

  12. So many ways to make you feel better but let Him show you the root of the issue and His truth regarding that.

  13. Sweetie I've been where you are now. I know it's not easy. You feel that your alone but your not. Hang in there. God does love you. God does care. God is bringing you through to make and mold you like never before.

  14. stuck-in-the-middleOctober 05, 2009

    JBR I'm sorry your spirit is low. Praying for you to regain your strength.

  15. Philippians 1-6 states: He who has begun a good work in you will complete it.
    That is the hope you have to hang on to. The pain you're feeling is temporary for now. Have faith in the outcome. God Bless.

  16. I'll be honest, I don't know all that you are going through and I really would like to offer you some comfort and joy. However, I get concerned that I might say the wrong thing because I don't word properly the things I'd like to say. Will you keep this in mind if I ever comment with the wrong comment? It's just maybe you need to decide enough is enough already and not let that person or persons hurt you anymore. It's time to build new and beautiful memories. Would you agree? What is something you've always dreamed of doing but never felt you could?

  17. JBR...This will sound trite but I assure you I offer it in complete sympathy to your dilemma. The way to not feel pain is simply to not feel it. Be it physical, emotional or spiritual, we feel what we focus on.

    Do not look for joy, be joy. Can't find peace? Be peace. Need a spot of love with your morning tea? Be that love. You have, like all of us, the capacity for all within you. The great understanding is found in the simplicity of our being.

    That, my sweet friend is the ability God gave us all with his breath blown within us.

  18. I have been in that place so much over the past few months. All I can offer is to keep leaning on Him. Knowing that He is teaching you something in all of this even though you may not see it. I always read through the Psalms to remind me of His love and protection.

  19. During the most difficult times is when one learns the most valuable lessons.

  20. God talks to us, gives us hope and returns our ways. God will give you joy as you have faith!

  21. that brings to mind "For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." Psalm 30:5...it's also a very simple song from my very young days...please be encouraged with this truth!:-) Hugs

  22. loooove the picture. Hey you're pretty cute and yellow. :} One shakey step at a time - He promised - He's there - in our corner - watching over us - Sometimes I feel like I don't care anymore and that it's too overwhelming. He won't let us give up. Praying for you. Sarah

  23. What a perfect picture-- love it. You get so many encouraging words of wisdom from your readers and right now I have none, but I want you to know I am here and I am still cheering for you.

  24. Well put. Thanks for visiting my blog which allowed me to find your wonderful blog. I look forward to your inspiring words and to hear how you cope with what life throws at you. It should help us all.

  25. The pain has found an outlet through your tears. As you cry, remember that when you are finished, there will be more room for joy to come into your life.

  26. Thinking of you JBR...and I love the picture.

  27. One time or another, certainly at first and eventually last, we are all the duckling, I think.


  28. Dearest JBR
    I hate that you are going through this emotional pain constantly. I do love how the picture and your description of the chick being us humans and the mother duck being God. I pray for you.