Driving home tonight after t. I asked the Lord to show me “what just happened?” It did not take Him long to reveal what I needed to see, even though I kind of knew where He was heading.
What came out of my mouth tonight on my way home were these words....”Understanding the Process.”
Oh great ***JBR half smiles*** I know where this is leading.....
I am one that desires, sooooo much to know the next step. To feel safe. To be in control. To have to understand the process. The Lord impressed upon me tonight,
“Uh Uh.” ***Lord shakes His mighty head*** “No, not on this one. Especially this one JBR.”
Dang, He knows me so well, and knows my strategies and how I will create my own rules for my own healing if I had the opportunity. Where in essence He wants to be in control. He also knows that if I had my way, my healing would probably be a zillion times more painful. He knows I would take a harsher approach where He would be so very compassionate.
After having this confirmed on my heart tonight, I ain’t no happy camper!
Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope! Me ain’t happy!!
That being said, ugh, I know this is the only route to my “true” healing. In letting Him lovingly take the reigns to my deepest pain, regardless of me not understanding the process, especially my method of resistance or the way it “should” take place.
Even I stated tonight, once the break through happens, it will amaze me that I even had all the gunk inside me to begin with! I say that because I have stuffed it so long, I do not even connect with the pain.
Sweetie, just let God drive you around, if that is His will.
ReplyDeleteComing along aside you in prayer. In His presence...everything flees. It cannot stand in the Beauty of His Holiness. Praying God's peace and presence to cover you in waves of glory. Be well in Jesus' Name.
ReplyDeleteBlessings, GG
You have to go through it, experience the pain, in order to truly let go of it and bury it. My Dad said something to me when I told him that I had been molested as a child (not by him, but another man in the family). He said, because he adopted me when I was age 3, "Honey, you need to think of your life as beginning when you can to live with us." That was so profound. God urged me to tell my parents what had happened, and He provided an avenue for my Dad and I to become closer. That was probably the single most important thing my Dad has every said to me. Today, we are close where we once were not. God took care of that. I feel His presence everywhere; and, I know that whatever I must do, He is there to catch me when I fall.
ReplyDeleteBlessings and prayers coming your way.
Abbey
I don't know what you're talking about, JBR, only that you hurt and you want the cleansing process, the healing process to go as fast as possible. Me too. I had to turn my will and my life over to his care many times in the psych hospital, many, many prayers of I turn my will and this here special part of my life over to your care. It took a while, but the darkness lifted, and healing came, not on my timetable but his. Must have been some people there He wanted me to talk with. Ha!
ReplyDeleteYour moving on to another step in your healing. All in time. Don;t rush the process.
ReplyDeleteI can definitely relate to this post. What I like least about the process for me is the need I have to release anger and pain. I get tired of getting mad and crying. I want to get past this as fast as possible. But avoiding it just makes it take longer. Thanks for sharing! Take care! <3
ReplyDeletepatience is the key at times to healing, its hard but its vaulable
ReplyDeleteOh boy do I relate! I've tried...so many times... to take the more painful route - to push through as hard and as fast as I could. I'm so glad I've had the help to allow the healing process to happen as it should (though I have made mistakes). I've functioned today like I have never functioned before. It feels so good "to heal!!" You are truly an inspiration. Thank you for sharing you.... I'm praying for you, too!
ReplyDeleteits hard to relinquish control. of course we'd like to do things they way we want, since then there'd be no surprises. but then, we don't really know where we are heading, right?!
ReplyDeleteHealing takes time. We're all different. We all cannot do the process as quickly as the other. We all cannot force healing to happen. Give the process time. When you're ready, you'll know it. Love your blog. Will be back to check more. Sandra B.
ReplyDeletePatience and perseverence are the key words in your healing. Think about how many years you've been out of touch with your feelings, and how many different methods have been used to suppress, repress and compress your pain! Take your time. Life is not a rush.
ReplyDeleteYou'll know when your ready. Good that your realize that God does need to be in control. Keep the faith. God Bless.
ReplyDeleteSo it's ok then, that we might not know the next turn in life? That takes some pressure off.
ReplyDeleteJBR hang in there!
ReplyDeleteLetting go and trusting is such a huge issue -even trusting Him...believing Him to complete what He started. This post made me smile because it hits home. You're doing great....You are such a huge blessing. Sarah
ReplyDeleteI've been given this award and asked to give it to 7 people. I left you one at www.gentlerecovery.blogspot.com. You inspire me.
ReplyDeleteBe calm and receptive to the tiniest voice within. No one can give up control but everyone can be taught.
ReplyDeleteBe Well
For me it was a bit like a volcano when it erupted.
ReplyDeleteBlessings, hugs, and prayers, andrea
That was great insight. You are blessed to have such an open dialouge with the Lord. Just keep talking and listening to Him, and you will be free before you know it! God bless.
ReplyDeleteYou are so strong. The more you trust God the stronger you will become.
ReplyDeleteYou are very strong. However I cna udnerstand that sometimes there is this yearning:
ReplyDeleteLord grant me patience but please HURRY
HUGS
He is so patient, loving and kind!!
ReplyDeleteYes, it's a process but oh, honey, when your wilderness and desert begin blossoming like a rose and streams begin to flow, you'll look back and realize such beauty and freedom far outweigh the process!!
He knows exactly where you are and what's going on and He who began a good work in you will finish it (Phil 1:6)..........And He is an Amazing Finisher!! Glory to God!!
He is Faithful!
Jackie
The title of your blog ALONE invited me to follow you as you follow Christ. From one real sister to another, May God bless your transparency! It's freedom!
ReplyDeleteAm so proud of you. Haven't been around for a while, but wow, you have come so far.
ReplyDeleteHugs
Let the gentle care of the Lord lead you through your pain. He wants to love on you.
ReplyDeleteJBR, my prayers are with you. You can trust God with your pain and with the process.
ReplyDeleteGentle cyber-hugs,
Lisa
Letting go and trusting God and letting him is what it takes. Trust God he will provide what you need.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Sherry
Hey JBR,
ReplyDeleteSomething that has helped me is to think of my life being like riding in a bus - and the driver is Jesus. What really comforts me is the knowledge that the bus driver always knows the destination AND how to get there.
God bless
You are so right. If we choose are own healing process, it would be much worse than what God has us go through. I know my own healing from my "inivisble disablity" is nothing compared to what God suffered for me in order for me to heal. It seems like only yesterday the process started and i already feel SO MUCH better. It's been over ten long, but short years. God is good all the time. Amen.
ReplyDeleteLove you,
Amanda
I am so impressed by your ability to HEAR what He wants you to. And not only that, to not fight it! JBR, you are such an inspiration to me!
ReplyDeleteWhether I like it or not, I have learned that God's timing is perfect. Mine is not. I pray for patience in the healing process.
ReplyDeleteI pray for you.
PG
I wonder if you could parallel your healing to that of giving birth. There are contractions, labor, pushes and then the birth of a healed and renewed you. There's pain for sure but the end result is so worth you, you remember the pain but you don't feel it anymore.
ReplyDelete