"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Saturday, December 05, 2009


Ho do you view fear?

Fear can be irrational for me at times. This is when I have to try and put the fear into its proper perspective. Even these past few days with my new goal of "just being" is scary in itself because of the uncertainty! I have to talk to myself, remember who I am in Christ!

Having a very fearful and CONTROLLING mother who would anticipate the worst and share with me her concerns was not very encouraging growing up. On top of that, having a mother who would not let me do the simplest things and say "I could not do it right" did not help any either! I would just stand there feeling incompetent, stupid and useless. Still, I viewed this as normal. "Don't do this. Don't do that. Oh, no this could happen." I remember her fears would paralyze me in to thinking not to even go out after dark as a teenager. I literally could not stand up for myself. My mother would be my voice among people. Sick as it was, when I first went into the work force around 18, my mother would go with me on job interviews and talk for me. No wonder I never got the job. I was so freaking embarrassed!!

My dad was completely the opposite. A very critical man who would get on my case as to "why I could not do this, why I could not do that." I developed my own fear of trying to please him, but I really could not, because at the time I did not know how. Not because I did not want to, but I did not have the resources, as I was not allowed by my mother!

To this day, my mother still has tremendous fear. She fears the economy. She fears the government. She fears this and that. She fears for me, etc. The list could go on and on. But, thank God, I am more aware of her irrationalities and I can process them better and quicker. I even chuckle at some of the things that make her afraid now-a-days. As they can be so ridiculous. Unfortunately she gets offended if I make light of the situation.

Now, coming face-to-face with my past through counseling, my fears tend to immobilize me. Even though irrational at times, I am accepting these fears as NOT being my fault! They were ingrained upon me growing up! Being sexually abused was NOT my fault either!! Being abused has its own category and tends to be a different kind of fear all on its own and has to be dealt with different, I think?

The short article below shares and asks "what role does fear play in your life?" I do hope you can benefit from the words!

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”(Isaiah 43:1-2)

Fear can be your foe or your friend. When you find yourself in the path of a frightening storm - whether figurative or literal - fear can be a paralyzing force spiraling you down into the depths of darkness ... or a propelling motivator moving you to higher ground. As the storm approaches, fear can be like a deadbolt lock keeping your mind confined ... or like a loud alarm warning you to move to safety. What role does fear have in your life? Immobilizer or energizer ... foe or friend? What you do in the face of fear identifies its role in your life. Instead of being paralyzed by fear, allow your fear to move you to entrust your life to the Lord. Come to see the Lord as your only place of safety. He promises that He will not only be with you, but that He will also lead you through your fear. (Hope for the Heart)


  1. it's quite scary the power parents have over their children. and how easily we (as parents) can pass on things that don't need to be... i'm glad you're dealing with your fears.

  2. Glad you're in the process of tackling your fears. Give it time. Good devotional also. I can relate as well. God Bless.

  3. This was a reminder to me of the fear I lived in for far too long... fear of not being able to please everyone, fear of being abandoned, and these fears led to my codependence on loved ones, which in turn, led to even more problems, ugh! what a vicious cycle! But, I am learning to cope now, and the victory is a great place to be!!! You are on your way JBR... although the end result seems too distant to realize now, you will see it, in time. Hang in there, dear one. Know that you are loved. Know that you have friends. Know that faith can overcome fear and doubt. Hugs and more hugs!!!

  4. I try to allow fear to motivate me in a positive way, but it is a constant struggle.

    You have an award on arise 2 write.
    Blessings, andrea

  5. Tell me what good fear is, of what use it is. I really want to know because if there is a benefit to it I want me some.

    I am not mocking you JBR but really what benefit has any fear ever been for anyone at any time?

    Doesn't the Christian text say something about For God has not given us a spirit of fear but one of power and love...

  6. I know what is like. The feeling of fear is real, even when the object of fear is not. Fear can be very painful, and we should be particularly compassionate toward people in its grips. I see this every day not with myself at times but with my associates. Once the Lord commands us not to fear, however, our holding on to fear is harmfully willful and disobedient (assuming here and in what follows that the fear is under our control). Fearing on our terms may even become a bad habit, and, as we hold on to fear, it becomes a dark idol. Fear can become our excuse not even to try to obey the Lord. It can become an excuse to give up and to avoid the Lord's call to us. The antidote is proper trust, love, and fear toward the Lord, on His unselfish terms. Here we must be willing to renounce our selfish terms of "safety" for the Lord's unselfish terms of genuine love. We must be willing to let the Lord be Lord even over our fears and even over our safety. Only our Creator can provide the kind of lasting safety we truly need.

  7. this is a great post. Fear has ruled me too and made me crazy. My father was like your mother. And on top of that he was always in a rage. I felt frozen and couldn't think - I'm so glad your facing your fears and your past cause you're an amazing person.....God help me to never put my stuff on my kids. Sarah

  8. Fear must be the order of the day. I just wrote about it this a.m. too. I don't know how much can be blamed on moms and dads. But, it sure is a stalker that needs to be sent packing every day. I have a family member who is habitually fearful in a crazy way. She sounds like your mom. Her daughter is not fearful at all. If your mom did this to you, I know you'll forgive her.

  9. Fear can be ingrained in a person by those who raised them. I had a fear filled upbringing as well. My own mom hated to reveal her true thoughts for fear of rejection, I believe. She never sat me down and showed me this, but I did learn it from her. I always felt that I should not truly be myself for fear of rejection by anyone I knew or would know. I didnt feel good enough as I was, but didnt know what else to be! Major identity crisis for my entire adult life! I was always down on my own thoughts and ideas. So I just hid away generally. That way I didnt have to spring myself on anyone. But thank God!! that He's showing me the way out of this madness! He's teaching me to trust myself more! He's teaching me (the hard way I believe) that I cant please everyone and that I should just be myself and stop worrying that my way of being or doing might offend someone! They'll get over it and won't hate me! God has tried my faith this year as I've managed to deeply offend people very close to me and I've been deeply offended as well. Now I see that forgiveness and reconciliation is the bridge back to our loved ones, not being silent out of fear! I can now be myself and stop fearing! Now my issue is to break the HABIT of fear! Stop it from being my first response. I continue to lean on the Lord to continue guiding me! Bless Him!

  10. Sweetie you hang onto God's mighty hand. He'll pull you through what you must go through. He pulled me out of the pit many times when I relapsed and felt fear. He loves you.

  11. Remember the Christ is the cornerstone, only in him is there salvation.. I have learnt that Fear leads us forward in our self-development and eventually we will find courage. HE will not let us down. Have faith, be strong.

  12. Provocative post :)
    Fear not is a command not a suggestion however it is also something that is ingrained in many of our survival techniques.
    I am doing something called EDMR for the effects of long term PTSD
    Now I could agree with Fear Not all I want but when my vessel acts as if something in a threat and responds sub consciously that is ingrained.
    We BECOME new.
    Biochemically we have been altered when trauma or torture scars us.
    The hypacampous (sp ?)of the brain just plays the tapes of the events over and over stuck in that part of the brain due to the bio chemical events. Study is showing great progress in the brain being taught to then place the tape back into the proper memory section of the brain. LETTING THE PAST GO is a real hurtful thing said to those who have known the worst of humanity. We have to face for many of us this is not just some simple act of the will.
    If it were will...every time I saw a trigger my flight/fight would not make my adrenalin act as if the threat is present. Now if that by WILL alone could be made to stop I attest I tell you with MY will it would have done so! I am one tenacious woman!

    Fear not must be replaced in the whole of the tri-ad of our being...body soul and spirit. We can be the most mature of spirit and if our vessel is damaged we are hindered and insulted by the very fellowship of believers into doubting our standing. That happened for many that I have known as well as in my own life. Some folk I have known along this 20+ year journey took their own life over such false accusation/belief.

    If I were a different soul (less damaged) my mistakes would be few. How I grieve putting out fear to my children. Yes I have changed so much but reality is I am who I am, as I am becoming to be who I am designed to be. I will not ever be less than what I have known and been shown in this life afforded me. As are each one of us.
    What we have known is part of the design in who we are. Even if as it were we were formed/malformed by our parents hands. It will be through Gods grace and our great efforts that the old will be swept out of power and the new moved in lead us into our full potential. We/I must trust that God will restore any fear damage we/I might do to our own/my children.
    Our minds are renewed through the washing of the word and the testimony of our mouth. Many left broken will need more. A broken leg needs to be set, cast and treated by a doctor to heal right, That break however will always show on the xray and may even leave a limp in our step.
    We are still beautiful!

    The thought of my allowing the desensitized parenting choices to put one of my kids into harms way often leaves me over reacting and keeping them too safe:)

    Lets face it for many who have known the worst of humanity it will alter us for ever. Even so that altered person is able to Glorify God in the depth of our capacities to have levels of compassion that are only gained through such a depth of experience.

  13. There is a "Circle of Friends" award for you back on my site. Please accept it! Take care...


  14. I grew up in a family of 7. Strict father. Had to keep us in line. I was #4 in the baby making chain. Talk about fear with a father having to make sure his children were proper. Mom just sat back made more babies and took care of the house and dads needs.

  15. You have shared a great truth about fear. We can let it can cripple us, or we can let it propel us towards greater growth.

    As parents, we certainly can pass on less than desirable traits, habits, or weaknesses to our kids. Sometimes we are not even aware that we are doing it. If we do not face our own fears and struggles head on, as you are doing in your counseling, the cycle will continue.

    But on a positive note, if we pass on our faith to our children, we have passed on the One who can help overcome all the negatives and fill in all the gaps we left as parents. That's a comfort!

    Thanks for sharing your journey with us,

  16. Awesome post! I'm sorry you were raised through fear but thankful you are in the process and are overcoming them! There are days, I allow fear of different things to almost choke me--fear of not finding work, fear of being alone etc. and then I need to remember who is caring for me--Jesus. I love it when I give Him back my fears and feel instead that sweet relief.

  17. Great post JBR. Your honesty in your work to you being set free is always refreshing to read.

  18. Fear is such a strong emotion. Parents can use it to control their children. It last long into adulthood. It can cripple the soul. I am glad Jesus want to take are fear from us and fill us with His love.

  19. Thxs for such a revealing post!

  20. Foster parents can be as horrible. Some reason some foster parents think they can abuse their rights in bringing up children they adopt. why? Anyway, glad yo posted about fear and that not every family is pefect. Mine certainly wasn't!

  21. I'm so sorry for the repressive manner in which you were raised. :(

  22. Thank you for following my music website. Thank God we are born again, and He did not give us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. We are His children, and He is always with us, will never leave nor forsake us.

  23. Yes, thanks be to God for giving us power to face any fear we have. He built that "fight or flight" response for a reason...But He is our Greatest Protector, after all. Great post. Have a great weekend. God bless you JBR!

  24. JBR praying that your irrational fear will one day soon be overcome. You're a blessing to many with your words.

  25. JBR: 2 things come to mind here. By the way, your posting is part of your process of change and healing, so keep it up!
    One... Try to remember that your fears didn't happen in one day, they were a life long compilation. As with any real change, it is a process, to take one step and see that God was faithful, and then another. Patterns that are ingrained need to be retrained. IN THE PROCESS... God is revealing to you that He is faithful to you and loves you.
    Second... don't trust your feelings! They are as irrational and unpredictable as anything in life.
    One other thing... your parents no doubt learned their behavior from their parents. YOU are going to break that cycle... that's what God wants for you as well. So hang in there, you're doing great!

  26. I know fear, I have seen its face. It is with me more often than I'd want it to be. Fear is irrational but being aware of it can help us put it in perspective. One day, it can sit on a shelf and allowed out only at brief moments.

    Thank you for sharing this story, I really enjoyed reading it.

  27. "Feel the fear and do it anyway." This quote has encouraged me and helped me take risks, realizing that the THOUGHT of fear is scarier than the actual possiblities or consequences of that fear.

    Once we face it and stick our tongues out at it we realize how irrational and small it is.

  28. Growing up all I heard was why can't you be better at school like your sisters are.I tell you that really worked wonders for my self esteem.

  29. Such a powerful post, be blessed.

  30. Thanks once again, JBR. You've got me re-assessing my own parenting in light of how I was parented.

  31. Dearest JBR,
    As one survivor in counseling to another survivor in counseling, I salute your courage and your walk of faith. Donetta's long commentary really made me sit up and listen, as did you, of course. That's what we do for each other, share our experience, strength and hope.
    I had long talks with both my counselor and my big brother in the past few days about the memories of trauma and the current impact on my life. Now I've had a long listen at your feet.
    God surely can be trusted to work out His will in and through us, no matter how we have been damaged. He will turn all things to good, for our GOOD and His glory. What this means to me personally is that the scars and the infirmities will become a testament to God's grace, and a blessing to me and to those I have divine appointments with during the days of my life.
    Prayer Girl told me this a few days ago, and I share it because it really made me listen:
    "The longer I am sober the more I am led into situations that I feel sure I won't be able to handle. I have learned God is leading me there to learn how much I really can accomplish if I but lean on Him."
    I and you and all of us who take the journey of faith are in the midst of coping with our injuries while being led by a loving Father. When I feel sure I can't handle it anymore, I have to lean on my Father, and this is good.
    And thank God we have our friends and encouragers to help us keep walking.
    Loving wishes for your courage and hope,
    Chris A