Today has been one hell of a rough day for me emotionally! Been on edge most of the day!
Looking at the day and its activities, I am amazed that I am having such difficulty dealing with life. I mean the things I have been experiencing now, never used to bother me as much in the past. It is like every freaking thing in my body is so sensitively heighten now. I cry at the oddest things and at the oddest times. I feel I need to know what is going on around me with people more than I ever did! And if I do not know, I am upset. It is like I am driven now! What’s up with that???? Am I trying to compensate because I am trying to “just be?”
Then, the people I encounter that I care about are affecting me in such a way, I question that “it is just too good to be true. That they actually care enough about me to include me in activities and conversations. That they actually think I am worthy enough to socialize with.” Then fear right away comes into my mind that this will all end tomorrow. It never lasts. It is a farce! I did NOT perform well! Why bother? Then..... I try and take captive the negative thoughts before they get out of hand and claim the victory in the named of Jesus!
Is what I am going through all because my walls have come down??? I feel I am going in reverse. That I am not stronger, but weaker. I feel I have no defenses. Am I seeing and understanding this correctly? Should I even be saying “Am I seeing and understanding this correctly?” Or is that part of controlling?
What a freaking work-out emotionally I think I put myself through unnecessarily!!! I do hope this part of the process will eventually be quick!!
Right now I am NOT enjoying "Just Being."
No wonder I look forward to sleep! Sleep has become my best friend these days. I can just shut down for a few hours and try and relax!
Sorry for the craziness of this post! I feel so erratic!
Bless your dear heart. Remember, greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world. Everything is going to be fine.
ReplyDeleteLife is BIG. Life is unpredictable.
ReplyDeleteOur emotions can end up all over the place. We just keep on keeping on and continue to trust in God till things get better. I know you will.
PG
((((JBR)))))
ReplyDeleteThank you for the prayer even though you are struggling. Just to let you know....
after I posted the prayer request, P.J. ate for the first time all day. Wow! Prayer is amazing!
All day,he would just look at the food and lay around. Now, he is jumping around and wanted a treat that I had on the table, on top of it.
Thanks so much,
Tammy
You're allowed some craziness. And really, it's not crazy at all. It's part of the process.
ReplyDeleteYou don't need to understand all of this. That is the nice part of "Just Be". Watch the thoughts and questions as they go by. Don't chase your tail looking for the answers right now. You will grow into them. It will happen naturally, of it's own time. You don't have to manipulate this outcome. Who you are right now, is enough. Right here, is where you need to be. Don't force it. Don't analyze it. Don't anticipate it. Just accept it. Surrender.
You're going to be OK. ((((Hugs)))
Continue to free yourself, stop worrying about what it should be or must be or how you should feel..emotions are always turbulent before we can find stability. Empty your mind, the answers will come to you and let HIM work in you. TO Live.
ReplyDeleteBM
Seems to me as if you're "just being real", and that is one of the reasons your blog is so worthy of reading, identifying with, and commenting on.
ReplyDeleteIt takes "crazy" to recognize true "crazy"--maybe that's why I feel I know you.
Blessings on the way...for both of us
You are stronger! Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteBlessings, andrea
Just keep on keeping until you are over the hump!Just remember no matter how hard you have there is someone worse off that you.I'll take just dealing with emotions only ant day of the week,I am Bi-Polar,susiciadal/homisidal,have seizures with all this IT IS A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE.
ReplyDeleteyeah - i hear ya
ReplyDeleteJBR your in my prayers. May you heal quickly!
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to be worthy to have meaningful interactions with others, you just have to be human.
ReplyDeleteOther people have the same insecurities and doubts as you do, maybe for different reasons, but they are the same feelings.
In my family I am known as an "easy weeper", I cry at the drop of a hat. Maybe you have discovered a previously unknown talent, and are an easy weeper too! There are more of us out there than you guess!
I can relate so much to what you say! More emotion, more awareness, the feelings of worthlessness to others, the fear of it all going away, all of this travels within me and still does.
ReplyDeleteFor me, I attribute this to more awareness of emotions and the still present lack of self-esteem. Just keep working on dealing with those emotions and finding love for yourself. You are so much worth the effort! Take care! <3
I am worthy:
ReplyDelete—I am worthy of tender care
—I am worthy of a life I love
—I am worthy of loving friends and family
—I am worthy of wonderful work
—I am worthy of peaceful thoughts
—I am worthy of a peaceful world
—I am worthy of a healthy, happy body
—and I am worthy of Your guidance and protection.
(((((((( JBR ))))))))) I'm sorry to read you're going through such a difficult period right now. Yes, I believe it's due to the releasing of all of these pent up emotions and they all seem so chaotic in your mind right now.. too much to cope with at one time. I agree with Susan, just take your time, smooth yourself into the transition slowly. Don't try to figure them all out just yet. One day at a time, nice and slow. Hugs to you, I'm thinking of you!
ReplyDeletePlease don't apologize to us. Say what you real, that's what's real.
ReplyDeleteSecretia
Thank you all!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI can SO relate to this post! You put into words exactly so much of what I feel. I've been building my own wall around myself lately, and have just determined to knock it down again. It is scary allowing myself to be open again; the hurt is SO hard to bear when rejection slaps me in the face. It hurts WAY more when I do it to myself, though. Thanks for being real!
ReplyDelete