First off, thank you all for your continued prayers and your faithfulness in standing by me!!!
Well, it has been interesting to say the least thus far. The word "love" seems to be on everybody's lips that I encounter. From great blogging buddies, television programs i.e. Joyce Meyer, Beth Moore to IRL conversations and hugs with friends and co-workers. Either I had tuned out that word so often it just did not register, when now all of a sudden that is all I seem to hear! I hear the word, am more aware of it being said, and at this time just feels weird that I am paying so much attention to the word "love."
I try and lie still in my recovery bed as my wings mend having difficulty digesting my happy worms and "just being." Looking to and fro wondering, unfortunately, what is next? This process is not easy!! I am scared so very scared in having to give up my control!! I am uncertain!! I do not like this one bit!!
And like clockwork, the spiritual world has been a bit more active. Satan and his cronies are right at work. They sense "my" victory down the line! They are panicking. Heightening their interest in me, they have decided to attack my physical well-being and my self-worth aggressively.
Many times the day after t. I can be really out of it. I have not been that way in a long time though, until yesterday. Waking up extremely drained, splitting headache and just barely holding on. I forced myself to work, only to leave in the early afternoon. Then to crash right away once arriving home and then sleep another 12 hours. I was so very exhausted. The much needed rest boosted me and this morning I feel well enough to go to work. Would rather not, but that is only because I do not want to deal with my people issues and the pain of possible rejection! I am so raw. I do not want to get hurt.
With my people issues I want to force myself to fly anyway with my broken wings. Forget about mending! Just fly in the opposite direction!!!! But, I must remind my very scared bird brain that I need to rest, to be still, to trust! My little heart does not like it!! And when you are not feeling 100% everything can affect your whole perception. I mean I have enough problems with my current perception on life, I do not need any additional help to make it worse.
It really is wonderful what God can do even with the smallest things. He takes a little acorn and brings out of it a giant oak tree. Out from a tiny seed He brings an apple tree that will bear fruit enough to feed a family. With a little baby He builds a man who rules kingdoms and sways the destiny of the world.
ReplyDeleteYou have it backwards kiddo. You are not trying to give up control...you are trying to take control back from the things, thoughts and ideations that have thus far been controlling you. God is not a puppet master, but rather the wielder of scissors that cuts the strings.
ReplyDeleteall part of the process dear. You just keep keeping on. God will set you free one day and it will be so well worth it! God Bless.
ReplyDeletehey sweet girl, today, don't fly, but drift on the currents of the breeze...
ReplyDeleteFloat on the waves, swim gently with the tide, don't fight the current. be peaceful.
ReplyDeleteSecretia
Hang in there JBR!
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, the battle doesn't stop as long as we have that "enemy who roars like a lion"...But thank God, we have His weapons we can use to fight him off. And He declared victory long time ago. Be strong in the Lord's mighty power.
ReplyDeleteMy dear friend.. you are in a battle and Satan can not have you but he sure can distract you with the lies that he will throw at you. Stay in the word and just let this time be of strength. He will renew your strength and you will fly like an eagle.
ReplyDeleteHe has awesome things in store for you!
Your strength is in the Lord! Hang on to that promise. He feels your pain as well and loves you!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Shadow. Let the Wind carry you for awhile.
ReplyDeleteFreedom is near!
ReplyDeleteI am thankful GOD is answering your prayers for healing...one step at a time.
ReplyDeleteBlessings, andrea
Don't beat yourself up if you go two steps forward and one step back. It happens sometime.
ReplyDelete(((hugs)))
Happy that you are getting better. You are in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you, dear JBR, mending takes time, as well as it takes time to change the course of flying. Love form Germany
ReplyDeleteThe battle toward wellness can be very tiring. You are being so courageous and moving forward anyway. Courage isn't the absense of fear. It is being afraid and doing whatever needs to be done anyway, in spite of the fear.
ReplyDeleteJust being real, which requires that you be vulnerable to change and to other people, isn't easy for a survivor. You have the courage to set any boundaries that need to be set. To use that "love" word, God does love us, especially when we aren't strong enough yet to love ourselves.
Just put one foot in front of the other one, one step at a time. You don't have to make big leaps forward. Tiny steps forward are enough. Who cares if you take one step back for every two steps forward. You are still moving forward.
It will get easier, maybe not any time soon, but sometime in the future it will happen. Don't worry about the future. It will take care of itself.
When we don't have the strength to move, God does it for us by giving us the ability to build a support system in the friends who help to carry us forward when we are too tired to do it alone. God never asked us to do anything alone. Let us LOVE you until you can do it for yourself.
"Be still and know that I am God" -- This is all you need to do my dear friend.
ReplyDeleteJoy, passion and hope,
Susan
Rest, dear one. Your new wings are being prepared... and they will be ready for you when you are able to soar into new heights. Hugs and blessings sent your way :)
ReplyDeleteThey sense "my" victory down the line! I love that you wrote this...b/c it's so true. You will come through shining. Ok, maybe limping right now but you will be running. I'm in your corner, always. Sarah
ReplyDeleteHe's always with you. Your his light in a dark world.
ReplyDeleteI love that you just "keep keeping on".
ReplyDeletePrayers your way,
PG
You keep on keeping on. You are growing and mending in ways you might not see now,but it is happening. You know the great part is as you are healing you are helping others heal. Thank you for helping me become stronger too. You are God's gift to so many. Hugs my friend.
ReplyDeleteYou are not going down because you know how it ends and you know you're on the winning team, Chica! That's why you never lose your enthusiasm.
ReplyDeleteTake the good with the bad and there you have it, God's facts of life!
ReplyDeleteAll I know is when one person uses other people to get ahead, the truth will later come back to bite them in the buttocks!
ReplyDeleteThere is no happiness without faith. Manipulation has nothing to do with faith. Using people has nothing to do with God. I don't care how much someone uses the holy bible to preach to others what the truth should be.
Everyone knows what right and wrong is. When you do wrong to others, and don't earn your way to get ahead, the wrong will eventually catch up to you.
Me personally, I've never allowed anyone to manipulate the way I think or feel.
This is not an act of God or righteousness.
There are those who preach about being real who know nothing about it.
There are those who preach the word of God but force their God on others.
This, to me, has nothing to do with God.
I know how it ends, and just like Ily says, if you're on the winning team, who cares how it ends?
see i think love and definitions of it sort of screw things up, personally i think you are working so hard and its so good to read your pain then your triumphs thankyou
ReplyDeleteJesus will take you through your pain gentley. Sometimes may feel painful, and probably is, but he will be there along side of you. Let those wings heal girl!
ReplyDeleteWhen we’re at our lowest that He is at His highest. He is reaching down to meet us where-ever we are......ready to lift us up to our true position in His Plan for us.
ReplyDeletepraying for you, my friend.
PEACE!
ReplyDeleteAww sweetie. Once you work your way through your pain there will be such a bright existence for you. Your pot of gold will await your heart adn you will shine more brightly!
ReplyDeleteGod will help you to keep on flying sweetie.
ReplyDelete"Satan will try, but GOD WILL DENY!"
ReplyDeleteRest in the arms of Jesus......He will carry you through!
"Be still and know that I AM GOD!"
Psalm 46:10
Blessings, sweet friend~
Laura
Dear JBR, I can so understand how you are feeling here. Sometimes I feel so tired of trying to figure what is wrong and mend, I just want to disappear and not bother. But it does come back to haunt you doesn't it. Bless you.
ReplyDelete