This past Tuesday in t. we visited the topic of nurturing/people pleasing and also the amount of shame I carry.
"A key sign of healing is that your shame becomes less. Instead of looking at somebody's watch wile you tell them what happened, you can look at their face. And then eventually you can look in their eyes and tell them, without feeling they can see what a creep you are. You can just look at someone, tell them, and say, "And I'm okay," without having to ask, "Right? I am okay, aren't I?"
There are many ways to overcome shame. The most powerful is simply talking about your abuse. Shame exists in an environment of secrecy. When you begin to freely speak the truth about your life, your sense of shame will diminish."
(A Courage to Heal)
Right now I only trust my t. with sharing my issues on this topic especially! Most of the time I am aware to keep eye contact going, but a lot of the time now, when talking about my shame I go within myself and look away. I am seeing the connection and understanding more how everything inter-relates in my life with the abuse, the neglect, the criticism, the abandonment, etc. How everything folds into the other.
The more I build myself up with confidence, that I am so worthy as Christ states I am, the more I will "heart" believe that my past hurts were not my fault and the shame I took on was already taken care of at the Cross.
Oh dear one. I too struggle with the eye contact when talking about certain things in my family. It has been difficult to let go and trust. The walls are high, circular and without entrance some days. But then, God takes hold, sends down a comfort hug and I let go peice by peice. It's a struggle for me daily inside. Hugs to you. Tammy
ReplyDeleteWonderful post, JBR, so wonderful to see the Lord leading your hand through these issues, one step at a time.
ReplyDeleteGod bless :)
Shame has its limits though. You put it well that Christ took upon the shame himself and its not yours to carry.
ReplyDeleteyou know, i never thought the cringing thoughts would ever lessen. but they do. eventually they do. hang in there!
ReplyDeleteKeep stepping on your walk to freedom. Believing what God says about you instead of what you have heard and believed for many years takes time.
ReplyDeleteJBR great post. Here is something for you.
ReplyDelete"You have made him old before his time, thou hast covered him with shame... with which thy enemies taunt, O LORD, with which they mock the footsteps of thy anointed...looking unto Jesus the author and perfecter of [our] faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising shame". God Bless.
What you've said here about the eye contact makes sense. I do this on from time to time. I guess we've all have the guilt or shame factor in us. Thanks JBR.
ReplyDeleteIt takes time to get it from the head to the heart. It will happen!!
ReplyDeleteYou ARE making progress ... I can see it and feel it in your posts. Keep God at your center and then build all around Him the remaining parts of your life. He will hold your foundation and never let go.
ReplyDeleteAmazing!
Abbey
thank you for being honest, be real, and being brave to face your life as it is.
ReplyDeleteGreat blog!
http://www.jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com
welcome!
Wow, that head to heart thing is tough....and satan would like us to think it's impossible......BUT......The Cross tells us VERY differently. We are not where we need to be...but we sure ain't where we used to be. He conquered the grave and the enemy is UNDER our feet!
ReplyDeleteLove ya sista!!!
I am most thankful you have a SAFE person to discuss this with and your heart is opening more and more. I don't always comment, but I do read your post and I am thankful your journey is so fruitful!
ReplyDeleteJBR, I posted some of my thoughts about my abuse on my blog, without giving up any identifying info. Some members of my family read my blog and condemned me for speaking publicly of such a "private" matter. Said it reflected badly on the family. I felt betrayed again, with them feeling shame on me instead reaching out to comfort me. But talking of it to my t. and others has made me realize so many of us have survived this thing. If others can, I can. That's how our honesty helps one another. Thank you for yours.
ReplyDeleteSweetie, I'm right with you. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteGreat post.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with "enchantedoak". The openness here helps one another. The shame of abuse is gone, never thought it possible. Actually I did so very well after therapy 15 years ago that I couldnt believe that there is something left what needs attention. Now in this trauma therapy I learn so much and how much my mother affected me in not wanting me but an abortion.She didnt accept me, hence I dont accpted me. Its is a very hard and tough going however I will manage. I had no choice when I was a kid BUT Iam no kid anymore. The choices are MINE: MINE exactly like yours. Love to you.
ReplyDeleteI so relate to shame right now. I can barely function - again. I'm trying to trust God and believe that I have worth. I struggle and struggle and struggle. Thanks for sharing... I pray you heal from your feelings of shame quickly. Merry Christmas to you... Hugs.
ReplyDeleteI learned so very long ago that if it wasn't my shame then I didn't have to carry it, I did have to deal with it and realize what my part was and then forgive and let go. I know this is easier said than done but with a strong faith in God and belief in yourself I am sure you will be able to do this....Good Luck my friend and I am so glad you are having "t" helping you along this journey.....:-) Hugs
ReplyDeleteThanking Jesus JBR, that in Him we live, in Him we move, in Him we have our Being......
ReplyDeleteHis Word is truth and powerful.
Ro:8:1: There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
Joh:5:24: Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life.
Continue Prayers Dear Sister!
Hugs, GG
You are un my prayers JBR.
ReplyDeleteSTRONG FAITH in God may lead you to do this.
Good luck!
Love and hugs
You are healing daily. You will continue to be in my prayers.{{{{{JBR}}}}}}}
ReplyDelete♥
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your words of comfort many prayers, scriptures and insight!
enchantedoak, unfortunately it is the price we pay for being Real.
IP, I am so very sorry that you are struggling bad with shame! I pray too that God will heal your heart one day soon!
♥
They say a problem shared is a problem cut in half. Maybe it is also true that a shame shared is a shame cut in half.
ReplyDeleteThis of course presupposes that the sharing is with trusted, loving, supportive people. Us bloggers are just that.
Thanks for sharing this JBR.
PG