"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Saturday, January 02, 2010


Found a good article on sexual abuse survivors by someone who was sexually abused. It is rather lengthy, and may not pertain to everyone. But it is a good read. I can certainly relate, especially what I put in "bold," and one statement in particular highlighted in red is so very true of me!

If you are a sexual abuse survivor, you have survived a terrible ordeal and are perhaps looking for some understanding and some peace of mind. I do not have all the answers, but I am a sexual abuse survivor and I can identify with the feelings you are experiencing. I have finally found peace of mind and I would like to share with you some thoughts on how to overcome this unimaginable pain.

Do you know why you're a survivor? Some may call it fate, survival of the fittest, mental or emotional fortitude, or divine intervention. What is it for you?

Sexual abuse survival involves accepting the past abuse - facing the fact that it happened. No matter what type of sexual abuse (whether incest or a by stranger) or how tragic its consequences, acceptance of the past is vital. Accepting the past is an essential step toward not only surviving, but to overcoming.

Examine your past, with a trained professional, if possible. Look at how you coped with the abuse while it was occurring.

* What were your thoughts? Did you feel anger, hatred, or melancholy?
* Did you blame yourself or perhaps feel guilty (or unclean)?
* Did you turn inward, living in your own world?
* Did you tell someone? Did that person ignore you?
* Did you ignore the abuse and hope it would go away?
* Did you pray to God and ask Him to intercede, but the abuse continued?
* How did you feel about yourself? About others? Were there trust issues? If so, with whom?
* Were there problems with authority?
* Were you distant and aloof, perhaps shy - struggling to communicate like other children?
* Or did you hide by being outgoing when you were really in a state of denial? Maybe you were afraid to turn inward and deal with the onslaught of feelings and thoughts. Maybe you just didn't know what to do or how you felt.

Not surprisingly, what happened to us in the past is often carried into the present.

If you're a sexual abuse survivor, how are things going now? As a survivor myself (incest/homosexual activities by my grandfather), I confess that I struggle with the effects of sexual abuse - feelings of anger, hatred, sadness, guilt, and shame toward my abuser and indirectly toward myself. Sometimes these feelings and thoughts can get in the way, interfering with other relationships. As a sexual abuse survivor, do you experience similar feelings? Do you ever wonder why me, what did I ever do to deserve the abuse? If so, you are not alone.

Unfortunately, these feelings and thoughts do not magically disappear. From personal experience and from talking with other adult survivors of sexual abuse, I've discovered we share and exhibit similar thoughts and feelings, yet struggle to find an outlet. As a survivor, I simply want to be heard and understood. I want someone I can identify with. I want to be told that I am okay. When a person has been abused sexually, thoughts like I'm not ok and I will never be okay seem to become ingrained in the psyche. In addition, there are often problems with self-acceptance, guilt, condemnation, feelings of never measuring up, and so on. Those feelings are incorrect. We are okay, and we can live a life of victory!

A proactive approach to dealing with past abuse involves getting help and taking an introspective look at what happened. Tragically, many sexual abuse survivors choose to avoid help. The confusion of unresolved sexual abuse can lead some people to go from victim to perpetrator. Or the survivor learns to cope through self-abuse, like drugs and alcohol or develops an addiction to sex or pornography. Many abuse survivors believe they cannot get past what happened to them.

If the abuse came from the same sex, this may unfortunately lead to later interaction with same sex. If the abuse was perpetrated by someone of the opposite sex, such as a father and daughter, the daughter often seeks to fill this void through promiscuity. She is really looking for love, and has learned that she will find it through sexual activity. Of course, she does not find love, but heartache and sometimes more abuse or even disease. These lies can only lead to shattered hearts and lives.

If the need or void is not dealt with proactively, the abuse often survives in the survivor. Shadows of the abuse live on in various forms, because the abuse victim looks for satisfaction in the wrong ways or places. Having never known genuine love, the abuse survivor can only imitate love in return.

As sexual abuse survivors, we'll find it difficult to reconcile thoughts and feelings regarding love and acceptance. Because of our past, we'll know feelings that combat, tear, and rip the heart and soul apart. No one should have to experience what we have been through. But there is hope.

Because God sent His Son to die for us (John 3:16), we can know that we have value and worth. As a sexual abuse survivor, this concept is hard to wrap the mind around - but it's necessary if we're going to move from a survivor to an overcomer.

The essence of overcoming is realizing that love and acceptance are essential to our healing. We can't do this on our own - in fact, it's impossible! Matthew 19:26 says, "…With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." (Life Challenges)


  1. JBR, I relate to this post as a survivor of sexual abuse when I was a child. Like you, I'm in therapy with a wonderful counselor, and the recovery is happening although the scars run deep.
    I made the mistake of posting on my blog a story about my abuse, and my family avidly read it and went completely haywire. They were dying to know who the abuser was, and they dreamed up answers that they were afraid to ask me about. They called each other and compared notes about my story. They condemned me for airing such a thing in public. One person came to me and cried, worried that the perp was someone she loved (it wasn't). Then she confessed she had also been violated as a child by a step father. We cried together. Except for her, everyone else reacted as though I had just defamed my family name. I wound up removing that post from my blog to prevent any other family members from lasciviously reading into it whatever random stupid stuff they thought.
    I felt as if I'd been molested again and held up for ridicule as an attention-getter. But here's the truth: I spoke of it as part of my recovery from it, and to encourage anyone else that abuse can be survived. I heard from several people who were happy to know they weren't alone.
    You are courageous and obviously working very hard to come to terms with your violation. You shine a light on that abuse so that others may also learn about recovery. I admire what you're doing. Thanks for listening.

  2. Enchanted Oak, thank you for taking the time to share a bit of your story. I am so very sorry that your family members condemned you! But, so glad that you too had the courage to speak up and as a result, several other people shared with you their pain. Your comment here is a welcomed encouragement! Thank you again for replying! Hugs to you dear one!

  3. "The essence of overcoming is realizing that love and acceptance are essential to our healing." This is such a profound and necessary statement. It is amazing that you cannot obtain this on your own, but the love and healing I needed would be self directed. After that...finally I could purely love others.


  4. Jennifer, appreciate your comment and insight here. Blessings to you!

  5. I really have no idea how or why you just appeared on my blog...I do not believe in coincidences so it must be GOD! I am adult survivor of incest. My sexual abuser/rapist was my father. This happened between the ages of 2-13. I started having night terrors and memories about it in 2005 through a loving, gracious God who revealed this to me as I could handle it. The night terrors still happen but not as often or as badly. Thank you so much for your post; soo much to share but will over time I suspect. Thank you so much for sharing your heart and your experience. Oh by the way, the cat on my blog is Cheddar and he is 11 years old and belongs to a very dear friend of mine. Have a happy new day and keep being real it is truly the only way to be isn't it?

  6. Ohhh I came here and visited you last night....thanks again for stopping by my blog...yours is truly amazing and I hope I get to know you as time passes! Love and blessings to you ;=O)

  7. Hi Lisa. I try not to question how God operates. I just now posted for the first time on your blog after I read your entry here. So, He had His hand in you finding my blog! Which I am honored that you did.

    I felt a nudge from the Holy Spirit this morning after I just posted another post to go ahead and post this current one. I normally do not like to do that, but the urging at my heart was great to do so! Glad I listened!

    Lisa, I am really touched and so very sorry that your father abused your terribly all those years. I cannot imagine the torment and fear you went through. I am glad that you do know God and that He has helped you through your pain!! Am I to understand all these years until 2005, is when you realized you were sexually abused?

    My heart goes out to you dear, and thank you so much for sharing part of your story!

    Blessings and hugs.

  8. Happiest of New Year and every day to you.. Betty Ann aka ms. hen :)

  9. I am praying a prayer right now for the healing of the spirits of all who have experienced this abuse.


  10. Yes you are understanding that correctly! I had no memory of any of it until 2005...and thank you for the hugs and blessings. I had no memories just a lot of rage and addictions and all the stuff that goes with abuse and no knowing of why...God had his hand in that to of that I am sure of today!! I will be back to visit often! Thank you...I feel the love and warmth here for me just a safe place to bring her and be okay. She is safe here...thank you!

  11. This made me cry...I am struggling with "if only, I would have..." It prevents me from dealing with my own self-hatred by focusing on my abusers and "that I had some control." (crying)

  12. Ms Hen, thank you for the Happy New Year wishes! Secretia, appreciate you taking the time to stop and pray for the abused. Thank you!!!

  13. the holidays were not easy for me. after reading this post I may find myself back in my psychologist office sooner than expected after the holidays. I share alot of guilt.

  14. "The abuse often survives in the survivor." That's a good reason right there to stop and seek a path out. Thanks for always touching people.

  15. you are courageous and what you put out here helps many. God help you overcome every little of bit of the damage done on to you.

  16. Justbecausetoday, thank you for your comment and I come in agreement that God will help me to overcome every little bit of damage that was done to me.

    Mads, appreciate always your comments and insight, thank you.

    Anonymous, I am sorry that you are finding it rough at this time. I do pray that you will be able to breakthrough your pain into freedom one day.

  17. Clueless, thank you for the visit. Struggling with the "if onlys" is hard. I continue to do it too. But, I am reminded that THE ABUSE was NOT my fault. ((((Clueless))))

    Lisa, I am glad you feel safe here and can come and not be afraid. ((((Lisa))))

  18. Good article. I pray many can benefit from the reading. Happy New Year!

  19. Powerful stuff you shared here today JBR. And out of all those pain, hurt, rejection, nightmares, one thing stood out for me: the hope that we can find in the Lord. Thanks be to God that He looks at broken lives differently the way humans do. God bless you JBR. May the Lord continue to strengthen you, guide you and protect you.

  20. I can't go back in time and change the abuse so I choose to move forward and take the lessons that I have learned from being an incest survivor to help myself and others. I choose to be a stronger, more compassionate person because I have lived through the abuse and its effects on my life as an adult. Seeing you do the same is always an inspiration to me. That doesn't mean that I don't still struggle. I do. Thanks for sharing this article.

  21. Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Gretchen Paules and I am the Administrative Director for a newly formed nonprofit called the Let Go...Let Peace Come In Foundation. Our mission at LGLPCI is to help heal and support adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse worldwide. We are actively seeking adult survivors who would be willing to post their childhood photo & caption, their story, or their creative expressions to our website www.letgoletpeacecomein.org. By uniting survivors from around the globe we hope to provide a stronger and more powerful voice to those survivors who have not yet found the courage to speak out or have been cast aside with disbelief. We offer an online place where survivors can see that they are NOT alone and that they are indeed "OK". Please consider posting to our website. If you have any questions please feel free to e-mail me directly at this e-mail address. Together we can; together we should; together we NEED to stand up and be counted.

    Warmest Regards,
    Gretchen Paules
    Administrative Director
    Let Go...Let Peace Come In Foundation
    111 Presidential Blvd., Suite 212
    Bala Cynwyd, PA 19004