"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Sunday, January 03, 2010


My Spirit is stirring this morning something fierce. Really going.....

I want to experience full brokenness. That is one powerful statement!

But, am I willing to pay the price of being fully broken?? Having my chains broken?

I know I have become more broken since on my journey, but not fully!! Just writing and saying the words out loud 'Fully Broken' sends shivers up my spine! A lot is at stake! Like letting go of strongholds and venturing out into an unknown world that I have always ran from!! Can I honestly say I want this? No. But, do I desire the freedom once attained? Yes!

I know I can never be good enough for God, but that does not matter, He accepts me just as I am! I need to forget about my feelings of unworthiness and just delight myself in Him. And believe as best I can in my heart that I am worthy in His eyes. He reminds me to be content with my simple life instead of trying to make things happen. I need to trust Him while waiting patiently for what He wants to use me for. Give Him my fears and anxieties of what others may think of me. Trust Him whole heartedly.

Yes, I am scared. I am scared silly. Just writing this post scares me as I see my words of hope, desperation and fear all jumbled into one!! How can anything good come out of a mess of confusion???

Trust comes hard for me!!! I do not want to be hurt. I do not want to crumble under pressure, feel a failure have shame over take me. I do not want to hide or curl up in a corner anymore. Dissolve into the background.

I am scared of the unknown. But, at the same time, the fear of the unknown, I know I can share with Him. Jesus will be right beside me. Well, I think He will be carrying me most of the time! Which is fine with me!!

But, then He will gently let me down from His caring embrace for my feet to once again touch the soil of the earth to experience more of His Grace; take a look around at life that surrounds me, touch the pain of my past shame, "see it does not hurt so much," touch the pain of my past abuse, "see not as bad as before," touch the pain of my past feelings of abandonment, "see much better," now touch the assurance of My love, "see what you have missed, but can have now!!"

That day of fully being broken will be awesome!!!


  1. Oh JBR, how much i loved your post!
    Are we sisters souls?? i'm also scared of the unknown!!and...I send you a big big massive hug!
    Have a blessed New Year!!!

  2. Inspiring. Just what I needed. Sending ♥ your way. xoxo

  3. AMEN!

    Thanks for your prayers for Aunt Mary.

    Blessings, andrea

  4. That is a beautiful post.Happy New Year to you! Thank you for following my blog. I'm looking forward to following yours.

  5. Betty, thank you for the visit and sharing. Appreciate your hug and blessings.

    Vicki, hi! Glad to see you again. Glad this post touched you. W

    hen I finally finished it, and read it over, I knew the Holy Spirit was writing my words, as I usually do not write this way.

    Andrea, my pleasure to pray for your family member. Thank you for the opportunity.

  6. Your words grow larger as your spirit gets stronger, you have come a long way, there's more power in your faith.
    It's inspiring to read your words.

  7. Being real, letting the pretenses down, staying in the cleft of His rock ... He wants only the best for us, yet He also asks us to give our 'stuff', our burdens, to Him. Sounds like you truly, TRULY, want that for yourself, as I do. May you walk with Him, one day, and the next, and the next.
    Thank you for your encouragement on my blog and for sharing yourself with me, with us. I am glad to meet you.
    Caring through Christ, ~ linda

  8. JBR:
    Print this one out, and put it close by so you can look at it on the days when you may not feel so strong... those days are part of life, for all of us, but what you are saying here is a strong and bold willingness to 'stare down' the past and move ahead... because of GOD! HE is guiding these very thoughts! Good stuff JBR!

  9. JBR in reading your comments here I must agree that this post is powerful. Some of your best ever from your heart. God Bless.

  10. "I know I can never be good enough for God." When I read this statement it was like it reached out to me and stuck in my throat.

    I hurt for you when I read this because I see what the abuse has done to your self worth. I also see that I have once lived in this same mentality, self deprecation.

    When you are a child of a father (God) you should know that it isn't about being good enough, you are simply LOVED. I can relate to not knowing this by how I was raised. It took becoming a mother myself to recognize I'm not asking my daughter to measure up to anything I simply LOVE HER.

    I asked God to show me what this feels like for ME. He has. I understand that it isn't about measuring, he doesn't even think like that. We think, HE LOVES!

    I am hoping for you, so very much hoping for you my friend.

  11. May jesus touch you in a special way that your pain will be gone.

  12. Thank you! It feels like I am no where near here yet and still I know in my quiet moments with Abba that I have come farther in my brokenness and stillness with Him than EVER before.
    Yes total brokenness is the desire of my heart and yet the humanness of my world blocks that..so I strive; strive for quiet moments with My Shepard so I can open my heart and share my brokenness with Him then in turn one day with others. It is happenings one second at a time! Thank you so much for sharing!!

  13. What a precious heart you have toward our Lord. I just know He is going to give you the desires of your heart for increasing closeness. Thank you for your kind comments on my blog. Nice to meet you!

  14. Change is what I see in you. Your moving ahead. Proud of you.

  15. I always struggle about being good enough. And yet I know. God loves us so much, more than we can ever love Him Back. God bless. Happy New Year!

  16. Trusting in God is vital to our spiritual lives, yet our faith is so weak. If we only knew the amazing way that the Lord would open up to us if we would just open up to Him in belief. And the Lord has done an interesting thing…the more we trust in Him…the more He rewards us and reveals Himself to us. But when we doubt Him and don’t have faith, nothing ever happens.

  17. God loves you just as you are JBR....he knows every hair on your head, don't be so hard on yourself sweetie, it is not for you to judge, not even yourself......:-) Hugs

  18. We are all made in God's image. Your mirror that you use to see your self has filters from your life experience - God sees you without those blinders. Hoping this year you will see yourself as God sees you also!

  19. You are right. When we come to Him contrite, and broken - He heals us. We share & release a little bit more of our story so He can redeem it & restore us. Blessings to you!

  20. Change is so very difficult and so very hard to get used to. Those of us working on ourselves go through massive changes. It's very brave. You are very brave. x

  21. ((hugs))
    great words.

  22. Precious Angel, you have always been "good enough for God". Since the day you were conceived, God has been with you, waiting for you. Your full brokeness is what you need. You need to go to that place where there is no way but UP! I am here, and I am holding your hand and God is holding the other. Maybe we can pull each other up out of the pits of hell, together with our Loving Father.

    Thank you, my sweetest, for all your encouragment and your prayers.


  23. Sweet, JBR~

    Oh, to be fully and completely broken in the arms of our precious Father, Jesus Christ! That day truly will be awesome! :> )

    Please come visit me today!


  24. oh wow, this makes so much sense. like with everything, complete change and faith is only possible once we have reached out bottom, i.e. fully broken... hugs and love hunny!

  25. This was beautiful...that last paragraph paints a picture of our sweet Lord's love and compassion....