When I finally came to terms that I needed help, all my life I kept on admitting to myself before hand that how I reacted to things was simply, "I just can't help it." The abuse, the divorce, my mother ingraining deep down in my soul that I was not capable of doing things correctly all applied.
Avoidance was my friend at all costs. Although, I truly believe, I had not had the mature development realization to understand the whole picture of how damaging my upbringing was up until a couple of years ago.
Just in recent days, as my posts have revealed, the Lord has been revealing to me certain memories. Memories that were so stuffed down inside of me that they laid dormant and only existed at the time they were happening some 40 years ago. When they resurfaced, it was just like yesterday. Maybe there will be more to come, and maybe not. It is in His hands and timing. He knows what it will take for my emotional healing.
So, I have been seeing how God is setting me free little by little in some areas. First my mind and beliefs how I perceive things. I feel I am becoming more independent and confident in myself. Not having to rely on others. Have a ways to go still, as the struggle in this area is very deep and painful as I want to please, want to be liked, don't want to be talked negatively about. But, I do see progress.
As many of us know that the mind is the battlefield and Satan's playground. As I increase in strength and power over my thought life, Satan's play area will grow smaller. God has given all of us the ability to choose right from wrong thinking. New good habits need to be formed in filling our minds and lives with the Word of God, prayer, praise, fellowship with others alike the easier it will become in tackling stinkin' thinkin'.
Becoming stronger each day with the Lord, as I am desiring so much from Him is evident. Even when I first became a Christian many years ago, I have not felt so much determination to fulfill His purpose on my life as I do now.
Must be reminded though not to rush the process. There is still some major healing that needs to take place. But I am on my way, and it will be okay!
Keeping you in my prayers sweetie.
ReplyDeletei felt something similar the day i realised i didn't have to be a victim anymore... and that's when things HAD to start changing...
ReplyDeleteI've been blessed by this post. I've been reading your progress and that's exactly what it is. Keep going. Keep growing. Amen.
ReplyDeleteSlow but steady wins the race!!! God bless JBR and be strong in His mighty power.
ReplyDeleteI cant help is - that is the victim thinking which you overcame turning into a thriving survivor on the way to be a WINNER. Go, girl.
ReplyDeleteYou are such an encouragement, precious one!
ReplyDeleteBlessings~
Laura
Praising God for the Liberty you are experieincing in Christ Jesus.
ReplyDeleteHugs, GG
1Co:2:16: For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ.
You are an inspiration to all of us who know the struggle to be healthy and free of the effects of child abuse. (((HUGS))) and blessings to you.
ReplyDeleteI thank God for my Daddy, who told me that I needed to think of my life beginning when I went to live with him and Mama. He is right, you know. When the door opened 50 years after the abuse and I saw what was inside, I could have laid down and wallowed in the mire ... but, looking at it objectively, I now know the answers to a million puzzles about my behavior for 50 years ... my behavior was repetitive and always left hurt and feeling rejected ... the rejection was hard ... my real dad and mom gave me away ... I felt the rejection all of my life and I guesss I was always looking for someone to love me who wouldn't reject me, give up on me ... little did I know it was all due to the biological sperm donor's abuse of me as a tiny tot ... it's over, I cannot undo the past ... I have a lot of scars, mostly mental, but I wear my badge proudly - it says SURVIVOR!
ReplyDeletePraying for PEACE AND COMFORT!
Love the title Sweetie. You're doing great and continue to be a bright beacon. Have a grrrrrreat w/e.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about avoidance being your friend. I'm finally getting to a point where I can't avoid anymore. The truth is coming out and I have to face it.
ReplyDeleteAlways cheering you on.
Love, Catherine
His hands, His timing, He knows what's best. Truer words were never spoken. You ARE on your way. Thanks for letting us tag along.
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy for you!
ReplyDeleteMay God protects you till the end.
And thanks for visiting.
I always keep this in mind: "my plan is not his plan, my wish is not his wish" when I feel down..
ReplyDeleteInspiring post to remember!
God is surely doing a work in you!
ReplyDeleteJBR, keep moving forward till you snuff ole' satan out! I know you will too...
ReplyDeleteJBR, I'm very glad you have found a source of strength and comfort. You are very lucky.
ReplyDeleteWishing you well,
NOS
So God has His tool box open and is working on you too, eh? {{{hugs}}}
ReplyDeleteMan, all this probing, adjusting, allowing things to surface can sure be trying. But just think....we are under His wing this whole time....and I know He has great plans for both of us! He might be ripping off some old scabs, but how awesome is it that He is the Ultimate First Aid for healing properly now.
So often God does things "little-by-little"...DARN it!
ReplyDeleteJBR,Just know that I am keeping you in my prayers. I know you will suceed. Peace and love to you.
ReplyDeleteJBR,
ReplyDeleteI love that you accurate depicted it correctly when you stated that Satan's playground grows smaller as you get back more of your own strength and so much of what you lost. Glory to God!
Love and Hugs ~ Kat
I loved your statement that "God has given all of us the ability to choose right from wrong thinking. New good habits need to be formed in filling our minds and lives with the Word of God, prayer, praise, fellowship with others alike the easier it will become in tackling stinkin' thinkin'. "
ReplyDeleteThis is the great fact of our rebirth in the Lord. Hallelujah!
Thank you all for your comments! Everyone of you do mean a lot to me! (((((Hugs)))))
ReplyDeleteYou are difantly right that Satan playground is your mind. However, do you know where the Lord lives? In your heart! You have visited my site long enough to know that I have schizophrenia. I am of the belief which is one held in the mental health community that there shouldn't be an insanity plea (I don't think you have done anything wrong this is just to illustrate something). Anyway, a person with a mental illness is sick in the brain, we all know that! However, there is nothing wrong with mentally ill person's heart. Therefore, when a mentally ill person committs a crime they still have the ability to listen to their heart just like everyone else. The reason I am bringing this up to you is because right now your brain may be going through some difficuluty, your heart is where it's supposed to be, with Jesus! God loves you and will talk to you through your heart. I know you answered the door already when he knocked on your heart so now met him there.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Amanda
It's so wonderful to read your blog and see how you are being transformed through all that has happened to you. God is really using you and your story to help others and one day you will look back at where you've been and see how your REALNESS will help so many others that only you can reach. Have you ever read the child's book called the Velveteen Rabbit? I love that story because it speaks of how we become real. I posted about it on my last post and I think you would really like the quoted part of the book I used. Here it is if you'd like to read it.
ReplyDeletehttp://encouragement-is-contagious.blogspot.com/2010/02/it-amazes-me.html
Seeing butterflies is so calming, it tells me there is good in the world, and many happy possibilities.
ReplyDeleteSecretia