PULLING AN ALL NIGHTER

How good is God's grace? Let me tell ya.

Reflecting back to some of the insane things I did, which believe me were not many because of my fears and insecurities. But, I do recall a couple of times in my youth staying up 24 hours. The very few parties that I did attend as a teenager (and I can count them on one hand, in fact three fingers) when I sought out in desperation friendships, they were the typical pot smoking, drinking, make-out parties. To feel accepted, of course I joined in and did it all.

When I was intoxicated, my guard was let down and pretty much would be game for anything. Drinking numbed all of my fears and emotional pain. I would only drink and smoke if it was offered to me. Although later on, there was a period of time I was drinking on my own in my own bedroom. Unbeknownst to my mother. When I would drink I became bold and fearless. You could not shut me up at times. I did not have many times where I could be rebellious and think what I was doing was a good thing. Naturally, these parties I went to were to be supervised by the friend's parents at the time. NOT! They either went to bed or out for the evening.

There was one party in particular, when I was about 17, not a Christian, and living in New York. In New York there are five boroughs, Queens (where we were at), Bronx, Manhattan, Brooklyn and Staten Island. Someone had a car. We all piled into. Six of us, drinks in hand, bottles in bags. Three boys three girls. You get the picture.

In our 24 hour quest for craziness in the dead of winter, we went through 4 of the 5 boroughs. After leaving Queens we began in Chinatown downtown Manhattan eating around 9:00 p.m. Then after that I just remember sitting first in the back seat then moving up to the front seat, then back again. As scrunchy as we all were in the car and inebriated, things still could get done. Whoever was driving I recall them saying that they hated to drive over bridges and we were going to take a detour. I thought that was really weird at the time. The boroughs are connected by bridges, but you can do some tunnels also. I could of cared less where we would of ended up. That evening will always been etched in my mind.

At one point, in Brooklyn at a grocery store parking lot in the wee hours of the next morning we all decided to stop the car and have grocery cart races with one person in the cart and the other to push. Soon the cops came as we were making such a ruckus. I do not know how we managed to not get arrested that morning, as there was liquor inside the car, but the cops never looked there or thought we were drunk. I was having a blast. I felt accepted. A rarity. But, again, only by the Grace of God were we all protected that night and none of us got killed with the stupid stuff we did.

I do not know what time I came home the following day, where my mother thought I was just spending the night over a girl-friends house. She had no clue. I was a good liar by then. But I was so wired and sick like a dog and was not able to sleep until half the day was over with.

So..... to make a long story even longer, and to get to the point of this post, God's grace and His hand was upon me that 24 hour period. It still is. He gives me these memories, good and bad, in order to help me along with my belief that He has a plan still ahead for me. There is purpose in His plan for me. Even though it can still be difficult for me to trust Him and accept His love, I know He encourages me daily and reminds me that He is right along side of me. Not to waiver in my faith. To be strong. To press on.