"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


How good is God's grace? Let me tell ya.

Reflecting back to some of the insane things I did, which believe me were not many because of my fears and insecurities. But, I do recall a couple of times in my youth staying up 24 hours. The very few parties that I did attend as a teenager (and I can count them on one hand, in fact three fingers) when I sought out in desperation friendships, they were the typical pot smoking, drinking, make-out parties. To feel accepted, of course I joined in and did it all.

When I was intoxicated, my guard was let down and pretty much would be game for anything. Drinking numbed all of my fears and emotional pain. I would only drink and smoke if it was offered to me. Although later on, there was a period of time I was drinking on my own in my own bedroom. Unbeknownst to my mother. When I would drink I became bold and fearless. You could not shut me up at times. I did not have many times where I could be rebellious and think what I was doing was a good thing. Naturally, these parties I went to were to be supervised by the friend's parents at the time. NOT! They either went to bed or out for the evening.

There was one party in particular, when I was about 17, not a Christian, and living in New York. In New York there are five boroughs, Queens (where we were at), Bronx, Manhattan, Brooklyn and Staten Island. Someone had a car. We all piled into. Six of us, drinks in hand, bottles in bags. Three boys three girls. You get the picture.

In our 24 hour quest for craziness in the dead of winter, we went through 4 of the 5 boroughs. After leaving Queens we began in Chinatown downtown Manhattan eating around 9:00 p.m. Then after that I just remember sitting first in the back seat then moving up to the front seat, then back again. As scrunchy as we all were in the car and inebriated, things still could get done. Whoever was driving I recall them saying that they hated to drive over bridges and we were going to take a detour. I thought that was really weird at the time. The boroughs are connected by bridges, but you can do some tunnels also. I could of cared less where we would of ended up. That evening will always been etched in my mind.

At one point, in Brooklyn at a grocery store parking lot in the wee hours of the next morning we all decided to stop the car and have grocery cart races with one person in the cart and the other to push. Soon the cops came as we were making such a ruckus. I do not know how we managed to not get arrested that morning, as there was liquor inside the car, but the cops never looked there or thought we were drunk. I was having a blast. I felt accepted. A rarity. But, again, only by the Grace of God were we all protected that night and none of us got killed with the stupid stuff we did.

I do not know what time I came home the following day, where my mother thought I was just spending the night over a girl-friends house. She had no clue. I was a good liar by then. But I was so wired and sick like a dog and was not able to sleep until half the day was over with.

So..... to make a long story even longer, and to get to the point of this post, God's grace and His hand was upon me that 24 hour period. It still is. He gives me these memories, good and bad, in order to help me along with my belief that He has a plan still ahead for me. There is purpose in His plan for me. Even though it can still be difficult for me to trust Him and accept His love, I know He encourages me daily and reminds me that He is right along side of me. Not to waiver in my faith. To be strong. To press on.


  1. Yes, He was with you during what could have been a really bad night.


  2. There were times that I have pulled all nighters as well,the only difference was that I would work 16 hours that go out with my than girlfriend Celestine on my day off.

  3. Amen, keep on keeping on.

  4. great story. When I look back at times when something really bad could have happened due to my own stupidity or irresponsibility, I say the same thing, "God was with me, God was protecting me".
    I guess the key is to know that God is always with us but we shouldn't abuse that priviledge. In other words, we should stop pushing the envelope.

  5. I'd say God's hand of protection was on you is more likely. Great story with a good tie-in.

  6. JBR,

    It is amazing that all through our life, we see those glimpses into just where God was always at in every day we lived. It is those rare moments that we can see Him doing a great work within us to bring us right where He has always seen us being so we can be used in the right way.

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

  7. I think it's true to most of us where there's one stage where we think we know it all when we're actually doing stupid stuff. Thank God for His protection for you that night! It's good to reminisce to see what you have become...a new creation in Christ! Take care JBR.

  8. I didn't know you lived in NY? I grew up on Long Island but worked in Manhattan for two years after turning 18. To hear you talk about Chinatown and the 5 boroughs, brought back some wonderful memories I haven't thought of in quite awhile!

    It's great that you can look back now and see that God WAS there, protecting you!

    Blessings, precious one~

  9. It's the old story JBR...there but for the grace of God go I... or any of us!



  10. Havent been here in a while. Off on a retreat. Your stories amaze me and your growth.

  11. i'm in total agreement with you once again. the fact that i've survived the things i did, is proof that He was there looking after me...

  12. stuck-in-the-middleFebruary 24, 2010

    Wow JBR thanks for sharing your story and how God has watched over you all these years.

  13. JBR you certainly had God's unmerited favor that night. Thanks for sharing once again your testimony to the fact that God is an awesome God. God Bless.

  14. Amen to that, God has a plan for each of us and he does guide us but only if we would listen.


  15. This was a great post.. isn't it amazing how many times we COULD have died...but God's angels protected us and kept all hurt, harm, and danger away... THANK YOU JESUS:)

  16. Sweetie what a compelling post. Glad God protected you. Hes using you for his purpose guaranteed.

  17. Praise God that He was with us then and now. ((hugs))

  18. Thank you for this post. I have many such memories. My high school friends and I often shake our heads in wonder that we are still here. Not everyone made it. But looking back, I can see God's hand in my life, protecting me, even when I turned away from Him. He is patient. Thank God. Literally. I'm glad you're here, too.

  19. Sometimes we're luckier than we deserve to be. That's God's love....

  20. Passing by to show some love. You are doing great. Go, girl... just not on a nighter :-)))