I do not know if I should be upset or not, or give the benefit of the doubt. Here is the story.
A co-worker of mine found out that I used to play tennis about ten years ago (I was very active in sports) and she was looking for a tennis partner to start playing again. I agreed to play with her after work tonight. Warning her that I had not played in over ten years. Okay, that part is fine. We had fun. We will probably do this regularly.
Now, here is the "should I be upset part."
For the past year and a half I have been leaving work two hours early once a week for my t. session. Far as I knew, only two people knew I was going to t., my boss who I had to tell to get permission to leave early and the person who suggested my t. to me.
I had my suspicions. And I kept on thinking eventually at least the people in my department would catch on after a year and a half that I leave early the same time each week and they must have inquired. So, I should not be that surprised! Only human nature. I too would wonder 'where has this person been going every week'.....
But, no one has ever approached me or slipped up that they knew I was going to t. until tonight with my co-worker/tennis partner who I am not really that close to.
All she stated was that she "knew I was going to t." Now, if she knows, I am sure others know. My concern is, if she knows the specifics to why I am going then I would be upset.
If that is the case, then that info came from either my boss, who swore she would not say anything to anyone from day one or the other person, who also swore they would not say anything. But, if all that anyone knows is that I am going to t. then that is okay, I can live with that.
I have stopped volunteering info to my boss and other co-worker already a couple of months back about my t. session. And if I do share, I will not share as much as I used to just because of what I thought could happen.
So there you have it.
Now, I really cannot go and 'bust my bosses chops' as she is the one that lets me go early.
Maybe I am making too much out of this.
Really, I am not gonna die over the fact, if in fact, she does know why I am going. After all there is nothing I can do at this point if she does.
I am not ashamed that I am going to t., I just do not want the reason, as of yet, or if at all, to be known when and if I ever do share.
Is life too short to worry about this???
I totally get this. It seems such a shame that you can't trust one person at work with one piece of information. That one person will more than likely tell at least one person and so it goes. I would have to spend some time thinking about how to think about this. Mads.
ReplyDeleteJBR, you know someone else might go to therapy where you work. Or maybe someone has seen you go to the therapists office, and thought "Hmmm, so that's where she goes every week". I think seeing a therapist is a sign of strength, when asked I always freely talk about the fact that I saw a therapist at a time when I needed some help and guidance. What about is none of their business.
ReplyDeleteDear JBR,
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure how to answer this question except to say that I would pray about it until I got some clarity. Hugs.
That's a toughie JBR. If your okay with them knowing you go to therapy then okay. But if they know why, then your confidence has been compromised. Hope you find peace in your heart either way. God Bless.
ReplyDeleteHi I came here via becoming myself.. I think perhaps you are thinking about this too much...this is not the 50's where therapy is a bad thing...it is quite common place and it is a good thing...Perhaps the work place is not the place to discuss these things, you know the expression "too much information"... I am writing my "life story" in my blog...today I got a bit heavy and noticed a dramatic decrease in comments...now I am feeling shame and embarrassment and a sense of disloyality to my family...but something in me needed to share, to clear out the dirt in the closet..but I don't feel good now...maybe tommorrow I'll post a blog about making an apple pie...but I love the writing, i love the story and who knows maybe its fiction and maybe I too am "making too much out of it" I know that is what children of Alcoholics do...anyhow...moving forward ...yes!!!
ReplyDeleteNo, life it not too short to worry about your boundaries being smushed. I'd bet it was the co worker. The boss knows that if she says anything, you can sue her and the company. But I have found from experience that when you have more than 2 women in an office (boss or not) you will have issues with gossip. In the office where I work there are about 60 women - it is a a veritable pit of vicious gossip - to which I expend much energy every day trying not to add to. Next time anyone asks you or comments about your therapy (which is not their business), say, "Why do you ask?" That usually stops them cold.
ReplyDeleteSweetie, do not worry about it, just enjoy your life.
ReplyDeleteI agree...just let it pass...don't waste time on worrying about it....
ReplyDeleteI agree with the others - just let it go ((((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteSometimes secrets can be let out in the small talk. A person doesn`t say I`m planning your surprise party but might make a comment about having to pick up a cake or balloons for the party.
If you can stop worrying about it, then it's wonderful, and just stop then.
ReplyDeleteSecretia
Okay...a part of me is really upset, b/c it is wrong for your trust to be violated by a boss or co-worker. However, you are on the path to health, healing, and happiness...so what do you care what they think...? Hang in here with me...we all could benefit from therapy and you are going to come out on top....GOD will reign victorious. Do NOT allow satan to use this to discourage you. Hugs,
ReplyDeleteandrea
You answered your question, I believe, IN the question: "Maybe I am making too much out of this."
ReplyDeleteI can TOTALLY see how this would feel violating and unsafe. It would be very difficult for me to navigate if i found out other people knew i saw a therapist. I agree with some of the comments that this could be something to try and let go, but i just thought i'd validate that it is COMPLETELY normal to feel unsafe now.
ReplyDeletesafe hugs ur way.
ang
I am with many others you make to much of it. Surely in the first moment I would have been frustrated still it isnt a big deal anymore to go to therapy today. revealing to much info at work I wouldnt anyway. With my belief system I say: Let go and let it happen. In your belief system I would tell you: let go and let God.
ReplyDeleteIt is ok.
Besides of that it is great that you start getting active again. Simpla AWESOME: You go girl.
Move on, but don't share with the other two anymore.
ReplyDeleteultimately, what's done is done so you can't do anything about it, so don't worry about it, let it go.
ReplyDeleteI am with Andrea on this! whilst someone leaked it who shouldn't have done, do try not to worry about it, and just put your trust in God. He will comfort and guide you. That said, it's so easy to tell someone not to worry, and only you know how you feel, so try and stay strong. Will pray for you.
ReplyDeleteBlessings
Red
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JBR I can understand your disappointment. But human beings will be just that, human.
ReplyDeleteSweetie I agree with the majority of your readers to accept what has been done. We are a breed that's not perfect.
ReplyDeleteYou cannot worry about what you cannot change. In this case, human fallability. I'm not surprised. I suffered the knowledge for months last year that the HR Manager was telling everyone about my boss' tantrums over my frequent absences for medical appointments. The entire office knew I was getting the boot weeks before it happened. I knew it, but I was stunned to learn that everyone, right down to the receptionist, had been told by a gossiping HR Manager. She had no business in that office and I wrote and told them, including the Executive Committee. In the end, she got a spank on the hand.
ReplyDeleteDo not waste time worrying - it is not worth it. Just store it in your memory banks for future reference.
Sorry you feel violated - AGAIN!! For it is a personal violation of trust - people in general just don't get it. We are a sadistic society, and we race one another to the start line to be the FIRST to spread bad news! Grrrrr.....
Praying for you, sweetie,
Abbey
The fact that this concerns you tells me that you are judging yourself. If you completely accepted yourself and your situation as it is it wouldn't feel like something you need to hide.
ReplyDeleteThat said, it would feel like a betrayal if someone said they were going to keep something confidential and then they did not. I totally understand that.
Should you be upset?
Usually, this isn't a question of should I, but of can I not...
Being upset will not help anything, but that doesn't always mean you can let things go.
Maybe you should ask your t about it?
It is ok to be upset, it's what you do with it that counts. It's not good to swallow it, but you should address it to dissolve it.
ReplyDeleteJust ensure the outcome does not affect you negatively. You have to work with co-workers - leave that be, don't go there..
You don't have to answer to anyone on personal questions, just say 'it's personal' and smile should they ask you. it's your space Be confident, not afraid.
BM
Your worrying about it is probably the worst thing that can result from it. I know you wish it hadn't happened, but just let it go. Most bad things we worry about never come to pass. The bad part is all the time spent worrying. Life's too short. Take care.
ReplyDeleteThis is a tough one to call. After a year people may of wondered where you were going and maybe your boss forgot the promise or tthought it was safe enough to say that your going wkly to therapy. Hard one.
ReplyDeleteThank you everyone.
ReplyDeleteWork has it ways for things to get out. Enjoy the tennis.
ReplyDeleteI would be upset too... but if she or anyone else mentions it just make it clear that it's a private matter and that it's not a topic of discussion... some women talk wayyyy too much...but hopefully playing tennis will be really fun and maybe this will be a chance to get to know the tennis partner and make a new friend.
ReplyDeleteI think you had every right to feel violated. In fact, the last job I had at a college in Atlanta, H.R. and my boss took the privileged/confidential information on my mental health issues etc. and I discovered were going to use them against me. So, I know how that FEELS! I walked out the door after discovering there was really no H.R. to cover your butt and my boss and the top Professors were all privy to the info also. I said all of that to say, the violation you feel must trigger all the "other" violations" you have experienced in your life, which causes anger and so much shame. I'm not ashamed that I go to a T., and will tell anyone I am close to that I do. I do not disclose everything to everyone. But there is so much shame that still binds you from your past sexual exploitations from your brother etc. There are many incest survivors out there, and you and I are one of them. But it is our past and we are with God's help walking through the healing process. It doesn't make us who we are today....horrible people. I've missed reading your honest blogs and glad I'm catching up. God's healing be with us both each moment of the day and night. xoxo Janie
ReplyDelete