You guys were awesome yesterday when I was having my rant. Thank you all for being there. Your words of experience have been very encouraging. Appreciate all your comments and prayers.
Despite my mother's coldness towards me today and blaming me for her not sleeping well, I am trying not to take on the guilt from yesterday and her pouting from today.
Cannot say it is not easy. I have been having fleeting moments of doubt that I am in the wrong here in setting these boundaries, that I was bad. It is my stinkin' thinkin' that is making me doubt something positive in my life. So, I keep reminding myself that I know for a fact the pain of shame and guilt are not mine to carry. It is NOT mine!!!
So,
As I was reading the Recovery Bible this morning, there is a section called "Coming Out of Hiding" that stirred my Spirit.
Some of us can relate.
The section shares how we have made a life time of hiding! Oh boy, this rings truth to my soul. I am still pushing my door open in order to fully reveal my real self.
I still have some things deep inside that have yet to come out. Only the Holy Spirit can bring upon such a deep cleaning of my pain, and He is doing just that. Will still take time, but freedom is at my grasp......
As our real self is exposed, more and more dirt appears.
Only by allowing God to uncover our deep pain within us will we be able to change from the inside out.
BIBLE READING: Genesis 3:6-13
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Many of us have spent our life in a state of hiding, ashamed of who we are inside. We may hide by living a double life, by using drugs or other addictions to make us feel like someone else, or by self-righteously setting ourselves above others. Step four involves uncovering the things we have been hiding, even from ourselves.
After Adam and Eve disobeyed God, “they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves. . . . Then the LORD God called to the man, ‘Where are you?’ He replied, ‘I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked.’” (Genesis 3:7-10). Human beings have been covering up and hiding ever since!
Jesus consistently confronted the religious leaders about their hypocrisy. The word hypocrite describes a person who pretends to have virtues or qualities that he really doesn’t have. One time Jesus said to these leaders, “Hypocrites! For you are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy—full of greed and self-indulgence! . . . First wash the inside of the cup and the dish,and then the outside will become clean, too” (Matthew 23:25-26).
When the real person inside us comes out of hiding, we will have to deal with some dirt! Making this inventory is a good way to “wash the inside”; some of that washing may involve bathing our life with tears. It is only by uncovering the hidden parts of our self that we will be able to change the outer person, including our addictive/compulsive behaviors.
(The Recovery Bible)
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ReplyDeleteGood for you and THANK YOU ;=o) ...'some of that washing may involve bathing our life with tears.' Yes and sometimes I do get tired of crying sooo much even though I know it is a healthy and necessary experience it is also a very, very vulnerable one for me...even in my apartment when I am alone....yikes. It is easier today to weep than EVER before...
ReplyDeleteLove ya JBR...have an awesome, awesome week and remember The Creator and I really dig ya ;=o)
Thanks for the reading JBR!
ReplyDeleteAwesome sweetie.
ReplyDeleteCan relate again. Hiding! I was hiding behind any furniture, I was hiding in boy clothes, I was hiding in creating a different personality. I am still hiding when it gets too too much.
ReplyDeleteJBR, surely you will waver, surely it is hrad to stand your ground, heya, you have so much more experience in hiding, running, losing, that is common to you, where should you get the exoerience from in standing your ground and feeling ok? It will take time. However one step at a time. You stand and stood your ground. I remember you getting your own bank card, a own cell phone, I remember your fear and how miserable and anxious you were. OK, NOW you waver but I dont experience you as miserable as before. You have come a long way. Congrats and mill of hugs.
I'm the "keep a low profile and stay out of trouble" - BUT lately people don't believe me when I say that - I was as a young child ... I guess that's a TYPE of hiding.
ReplyDeleteI did find this that I thot of while reading your post: 1 Cor 6:11 "And such were some of you: but you are washed, but you are sanctified, but you are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God."
God bless ... have you read the book - the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman?
Dear JBR, I'm just getting caught up. What a difficult situation you are in. It's so hard to set our boundaries with love and detach from the feelings of guilt about it. I have been taught to speak my truth, to apologize for my part when I am wrong and to turn the rest over to God. Sounds so easy. But it's so hard. Sometimes I do it more gracefully than others. But I try not to be too hard on myself. I am only human. I tell myself it's progress not perfection. I pray. I will keep you in my prayers. Love and hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteI just love coming here and reading about your "steps of progress" as you walk along in your healing journey. So many of your posts I can relate to personally, as I have "been there, done that!"
ReplyDeleteContinuing to uplift you in prayer, sweet friend!
Blessings~
Laura
you sound so much better...☺
ReplyDeleteJBR by you taking the bull by the horns, you grow stronger each day. Proud of you. God Bless.
ReplyDeleteGlad you are better today, praying for you dear friend !
ReplyDeleteI love the recovery bible! Great, great commentary. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteRelationships are so hard sometimes, we are all so flawed, so broken. I do think it is okay to set boundaries, especially when we are dealing with dependent and co-dependent issues and people. Some relationships are unhealthy for us, and we can be respectful and kind without letting them have total access to us. Could you require her to call before she came over - you could then say, now is not a good time. Just a thought.
ReplyDelete"When we come out of hiding we will have to deal with some dirt" Boy howdy is that the truth!! But thankfully God accepts us with the dirt on our faces!!
Big hugs darlin!!
Very good post, JBR....
ReplyDeleteI need to go back and read the previous post to get a bigger picture of what took place. I have the Recovery Bible also and love it! I esp. grabbed hold of your last paragraph..."it is only by uncovering the hidden parts of ourselves that we will be able to change the outer person, including our addictive/compulsive behaviors. That was a mouthful! You are doing great. Pressing through the pain is what my gyn told me to do when i gave birth to my last child and that statement he made applies to everything in life for me. Thinking of you often. Keep pressing through the pain.
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