HE PUT BACK MY SONG

I believe the Lord is doing something mighty in me.

These past few weeks, even though I encountered betrayal of trust,

I see growth in me.

In my thinking.

In whom I can trust.

And in my dependence more of God.

God has also put back into my heart, "song." Meaning, worshiping with my guitar.

There were many years that my song was not there.

Back in the late 80's into the early 90's and even in the year 2000, I was involved in some type of small Women's Bible Study, which I provided the praise and worship time with song/guitar.

Difference being back then was I had not begun my journey to freedom and realness. But, God regardless honored the talent He gave me in providing the worship for these women unto Him.

Sadly back then I was there not for Him first, but for others and my sick people pleasing attitude which was full of "hey look at me." The women may not of known my tendencies, but I sure did, as well as God.

Oh, talk about wearing different masks. I was in "one of my deepest co-dependent relationships" that lasted close to three years.

She and I would attend this Bible Study and at one point the topic of the Study was on seeking approval and co-dependency. How ironic is that? But, do you think I admitted I suffered from this? Ha Ha! NO WAY! That was not me!! Just thinking about this deep co-dependency now sends shivers up my spine.

With that being said.....

I envision myself using the talent that He has given me once again with worship.

Besides worshiping Him alone with "my song," I here and there have been worshiping among other believers once again.

I am praying that God leads me to do His will in this area.

As I journey on to health in my emotions, I am becoming more connected to God. I still have a ways to go with the trust factor, thinking the worst of things and the acceptance of His love.

However, for some reason when I am worshiping and in the Spirit, all that does not matter. At times I feel like a babbling nutcase because I am so much on fire I have no control. Then there are times when I cannot even speak.

Cool!

I am on a different plain.

I am in an different realm.

I am caught up into His presence.

I am apart from my emotionally hurt self.

Now, the ultimate goal is for my emotionally hurt self to continue to become stronger and heal from within the deep core of my pain and then one day merge with my worshiping self.

Now, you tell me,

How awesome will that be!