PRAY ME HOME

I had not had many meaningful relationships in my life. One in particular was extremely painful after it was over with.

During this dark time, which I went off in true "la-la land" fashion afterward just in order to cope with the pain, I still found myself always turning to a song to help me through my pain. I had no one else to turn to. I had no friends. Even if I did have someone to share with, I would have been to ashamed to. I do not even know how I managed to have a relationship, as that person was all I had in my life, and once gone, I had no one.

Sure, I cried out to God daily to take away the pain. I shutter when I think of the three years of hell I went through all by myself trying to recover from the shame and guilt of a very sick relationship.

"Pray Me Home" by Phillips Craig and Dean was very popular at the time. Song is mainly for the body of Christ to pray for one another for a breakthrough when one is suffering. Also, for our military at the time and even today, to pray them home safely.

But, this song took on a whole different meaning for me.

Since I had no one to share my pain with I personally asked God to "pray me home" period.

I wanted to die. I wanted to end my life. He knew how much I was hurting so terribly. I did not care, I just wanted out! My pain consumed me day in and day out.

My heart was truly heavy and the depression I was experiencing was unbearable.

Those years were such a painful blur to me. One day led right into the next. Only by the Grace of God was I able to get through them somehow. The emotional pain eventually died down after three years.

Although, evidence to this day still remains that I struggle from that relationship with feelings of shame and guilt that still needs to be addressed.

All part of my journey and of the Holy Spirit revealing these issues that need healing.

Well it's been one of those days.
When the mountain I am facing
seems to high to climb.
And I try to have faith.
But sometimes the waiting
drives me out of my mind.

So brother to brother I come to you with this small request.
Is there room for another weary solider who needs a place to rest.

Pray me home. Pray me home.
For my heart is so heavy and I just can't go on.

Pray me home. Pray me home.
I need you to help me don't think I can make it alone.
Pray me home. Pray me home.

If you see something in me that cause you to question if my faith is secure.
I'm asking you please, show me compassion even though you are not sure.
Cause the greater the war that I'm going through the greater my need.
And I want nothing more than to know you're willing to join me on my knees.

(I especially love the violins)