I am tired of the drama and the high maintenance of the people I encounter every day. The attention-seekers. The ones that I am willing to listen to, but then when I feel I am being used, Lord take them out of my life. Take away the desire in me to have to please. I do not want to have my raw emotions sucked out of me and my trust broken.
Let me be quiet and still before You.
Let the others around me see this.
And let them let me be just that.
Let them not force "surface" answers to my quietness.
Trying to fix something that they now do not understand.
Lord I give You my all.
I give You my praise.
Lord have Your way in me.
Lord I want the intimacy.
The true intimacy that "only" You offer.
The "real" love only You can give.
To fulfill me.
Take away the impure thoughts of
my sick way of thinking what love should be.
Replace my sick desires for You.
Renew, heal and conform my mind to be pure.
Change my heart to only look to You.
And not worry what goes on around me.
Lord, this world can drag me down terribly.
I do not want it.
I want only You Daddy.
Only You!
.................................................................................................................................................... I Got The Joy!
I think you know what to do... :)
ReplyDeleteSweetie, just keep your focus on the ultimate prize, which is Father God. Block the world out, only He matters. I love you.
ReplyDeleteI can feel this bubbling right up from your heart. Praying for you....and I know...He will never let you down...He's got a plan...a purpose...Praying your day is filled with only good stuff. ☺
ReplyDeleteWhat a heartfelt prayer and post JBR. I can sense your desire from your gut. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteJBR your post touched me. Many things in the world seem to work against people experiencing the real and true love of God. People touched by impure thoughts due to being sexually abused may have a difficult time relating to real love, because the sex industry promotes lust as love. Lust is only a cruel counterfeit of love. Lust has the nasty tendency to invade and destroy families through infidelity, incest, molestation and other abuse. A place that is designed to be a safe haven for children to be raised in righteousness becomes a den for destruction and preying on innocence. JBR, I believe you shared that you grew up in such environment and may in turn have some difficulty believing that God loves you and and show you his love. But he does. I wasn't expecting to say all this. But felt I should. God Bless.
ReplyDeleteSweetie we're all still a work in progress. I like what Denise said keeping your focus on the ultimate prize. He'll see you through sweetie.
ReplyDeleteSo thankful that He is our PEACE! Thank you for sharing your prayer.
ReplyDeleteJBR,
ReplyDeleteWhat an honest, heartfelt prayer. I could relate as this is how I often feel so I prayed it too. May God continue to bless and heal you!
HI JBR
ReplyDeletepowerful post!! I have learned that if I ask God to help me stay loving despite the evil and such that lurks that I am able to empower myself in love rather than be broken in others frailties. love always wins.
Love Gail
peace and hope.....
If you only knew, JBR, how much I relate to this very emotional post. I feel you inside me as a sister to the emotional pain of sexual abuse as a child from an adult or adults. I'm leaving myself wide open, as I have never posted anything so revealing on my own blog, but I have to tell you that I, too, confused love, sex, and DADDY altogether. I had one lover after another, I had one-night stands, and I'm on my third marriage .... WHY? When I had the breakthrough in therapy that I had been molested, and I finally remembered only the tiniest thing - "him" holding my hand and walking me into the bathroom, and standing me on top of the toilet seat ... I could finally deal with the demons. I realized that because of that titilation in my private parts, and that it was my daddy, who gave me up at age 3, I was always looking for a "daddy" to love me, and if I did these sexual things with "him", "he" would surely love me.
ReplyDeleteOh the agony, the disappointments, the shame, the heartbreak, what seems like millions of tears shed over thousands of hours and years of my life before I gained control of it.
You are not alone, dear one, and I pray fervently for your healing and becoming a whole person soon! A whole person who will never again be controlled by her past. In honesty, I tell you that there are still things which I know God has forgiven, but I am still struggling to forgive myself. I know it wasn't my fault, yet I cannot accept giving up all the responsibility.
You are so dear, JBR, and you may not realize it, but as long as I've been reading your blog, I see an inner strength, of which you do not yet see in yourself. God has put it there, and you draw from it every day! Peace, dear one, peace ... do what will bring peace to your heart - love God, trust Him, GIVE to Him your troubles, and HE WILL help you to mend ....
With much love,
Abbey ♥
I can not tell you how muc it means to me to find your blog. I'm coming on as anonymous as I do have followers out there and I'm afraid to admit that I've been abused sexually and beaten. Your blog and its purpose have helped me to understand I'm not the only one whos suffers from this abuse. Your strenght and fortitude helps me to keep on. I've been in counselling. I want to give you a shout out of THANK YOU. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story your struggles and your pain.
ReplyDeleteOH I LOVE THE NEW LOOK HERE!!! Powerful!
ReplyDeleteI'm not a 'drama-lover' either. We have a few in our family who thrive on it and try to pull everyone else into it. Argh.
Strangely enough, once I started being the 'level-bubble' and not playing into the drama and trying to please the 'actors', God began showing me what He sees behind the (drama) curtain. He revealed to me how the 'dramatic-actor' is really suffering in some way and how afraid they are to be real. :(
I'm still the 'level-bubble' and I still dislike drama, but I'm coming to learn to love the actors.
If that makes sense?
Hugs and blessings!
Deb
What a powerful prayer. I can feel it from here. Thank you for sharing. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteYou surely allowed Him to extract you from that dark cell you're in...May His light envelop you. His love cover you. Blessings.
ReplyDeleteAwonderful prayer to yourself. You do help many people JBR.
ReplyDeleteamen...
ReplyDeletethanks for always the encouraging word..
Ugh, I hate drama too. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this-- it's certainly no fun. And you don't have to please anyone; you're your own person and your standards are the only ones that matter.
ReplyDeleteYou're in my thoughts.
Wishing you well,
NOS
Oh drama can sure be annoying! I believe you can rise above such drama. Take care! *hugs* <3
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful prayer. I hope some of the drama will calm down.
ReplyDeletethings may look bleak from your perspective. The Lord has other plans and is strengthening you for the second part of your journey.
ReplyDeleteSandy
Yes, I hear what you are saying in the "have to please". Having the choice in being able to please or not as I desire would be freedom to me. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteHey JBR,
ReplyDeleteKeep on surrendering the burdens that seek to weigh you down to Jesus, and let Him carry them for you.
Your heartfelt prayer here is encouraging, you're on the right path, seeking His renewal and healing for your mind and perspectives.
God bless
I think part of loving ourselves is to be assertive and protect ourselves from what I call "The users and losers." Good for you, JIP!
ReplyDeleteYou know, I was doing some bloggy work and discovered that this week is the four-year anniversary of THE BLOG CARNIVAL AGAINST CHILD ABUSE. I can hardly believe it! I'm hosting Friday at my own blog and would love it if you could join us for the anniversary edition.
*huggies* ((((((((((JBR))))))))))