"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010



The Spirit is having me write two posts this morning. Only He knows why.

We have the right to have boundaries. I wish I knew what boundaries were back when I was being molested by my older brother when I was growing up.

Many of us grew up having our boundaries severely compromised. Most of the time we knew no better. When my brother was sexually abusing me, I knew no better. I did not like what he was doing to me. I did not understand why he was doing what he was doing to me. I was too young to know that he SHOULD not have been violating my body, touching me in places that made me feel uncomfortable. I did not understand my body responding to his touch and he making me do things with him that I did not understand or like. As I type this I feel my anxiety level rise. I feel the uneasiness now that I felt back then. I did not know how to enforce boundaries. I did not know how to say "no." I was so scared. I hid, but only to be found.

My sexual abuse along with the emotional neglect from my father and my parents divorce all going on at the same time, is one of the hardest things for me to go through in my healing on my journey. What had happened to me corrupted my minds thinking on what sex should really be like and intended for.

The Spirit of late has be probing into my core's heart on this one. Especially on Sondays when I am full on fire under the anointing. At that time, I do not hold back. I cannot. My spirit man is so open to the Holy Spirit it is like "Boom." Healing in this area has been a toughie and painful one for me and will take time to heal. The outright shame that I still hold today (but am in the process of being healed).

My heart's desire from day one on my journey was to one day break through to the other side "free." Had no clue how the Spirit would move in me. But, then one cannot put God in a box. He will minister to us individually in our own special way.

.................................................................................................................................................... I Got The Joy!


  1. Praise God for loving us all uniquely.

  2. AnonymousJune 29, 2010

    JBR your refreshing honesty can't go unnoticed. I know i've said it in the past but I'm sorry for what you went through. You're a pillar of strength to so many as you share and as you go through your off pain. For this I thank you. God Bless.

  3. AnonymousJune 29, 2010

    JBR I meant to say your own pain and not off pain. God Bless.

  4. Sweetie you're so loved! God shines down upon and through you. My prayer for you is that the chains of bondage will be broken soon. I can picture your heart with chains around it. Slowly the links are softening.

  5. boundaries are good...like expectations for children, if they dont have them theydont know where to stop...we have to have them for ourselves and others...

    we were studying the life of joseph this month and the wrongs his brothers did to him and how he came through that, ultimately releasing them and loving them once more.

  6. I'm sorry for being absent for so long, JBR. Summer brings a busyness in us that is good, but we sometimes forget that others count on us, too.

    I want to focus on your sentence regarding your body "responding" to the this horrible abuse. Reason being because you can very well feel guilty or that you were somehow "wrong" and cannot reconcile yourself to the forgiveness of God.

    There are so many things, too many, to say. From my own experience, I knew that God forgave me, but I had a hard time forgiving myself. Perhaps this is where you are "stuck". In my case, I still have many, many things that are too horrible to even bring back to the front of my mind, things that I am unable to forgive myself - I feel THAT GUILTY! And here I am counseling you to forgive yourself.... isn't that ironic?

    I will not forget you in my prayers ... remember, put one foot in front of the other and keep on the narrow path that leads to Him.

    Abbey ♥

  7. AMEN...we do have the right to have boundaries.

  8. AnonymousJune 29, 2010

    ((((Little JBR))))


  9. People that hurt us are so good at making us believe it is OK. I still have things I have not forgiven myself for...but thank God that He has forgiven us.

    You were a child and your brother was older. I sometimes wonder where the behavior was learned. It was not your fault.

    Continued prayers and healing for you JBR.

  10. AnonymousJune 29, 2010

    You have certainly been through a lot, JBR. But I'm glad you have learned that you have a right to set and maintain boundaries. It's so important.

    Wishing you well,

  11. yes, and you can set those boundaries now with your brother and mother.

    Hugs to you sweetie!!!

  12. Interesting. As I was reading this I realized that as an adult, I think I now have boundaries but not really. I think what I have are barriers which of course ends up keeping everyone out. It never ceases to amaze me the ways God can bring about healing. Much to think about here. Thinking of you.

  13. AnonymousJune 29, 2010

    Your bravery in sharing gives me the courage to go on. Thanks.

  14. Thank you for sharing your inspiring post and your courage. Praying for continued healing for you.

  15. This post hit very close to home. The second paragraph in particular. That's just how I felt about what happened to me. I'm grateful you have the courage to share your experiences. I know there are many of us who have suffered sexual abuse at a young age, and most keep quiet about it. But when we hear others share what we went through, it makes us all stronger and we feel less isolated. Blessings to you, my dear friend.

  16. We all have the right to have boundaries.
    Sending you a Big hug!
    ~Betty xx

    P.S. Love your new template!

  17. I want to thank you for sharing your story and hope that it will minister to others.

    I'm sorry for your pain and the abuse. May God bring you peace and comfort daily.

  18. God is really working miracles in your healing. When we been through sexual abuse it changes how we see everything. I'm glad God has a healing plan for us. You just shine with God's love.

  19. It's very difficult for children raised in dysfunctional families. You were too young to understand what was going on and it is terrible that you had to bear the brunt of your family's sins. I am praying for your complete healing. May the peace of Christ be with you, JBR.

  20. AnonymousJune 29, 2010

    I apologize for not been around much. In reading over what others say, my sympathies go out to you as well. It must be difficult at this time getting in touch with those memories. Sorry.

  21. beautiful post,
    Glad to see you get inspired and inspire others with your handsome words.

  22. l8ve your blog you speek so truth i was hurt ,like you thanks for speeking up

  23. Boundaries are so important. I read a book, Boundaries, by Townsend and Cloud and it really spoke to me. Thanks for such honest posts!

  24. AnonymousJune 30, 2010

    Thank you for sharing this honest post. You were young and did not comprehend boundaries. I understand how you feel now. God bless you, JBR!