Over 15 years ago, when I was so very active in my church and so very co-dependent, I recall someone asking me "Did my parents divorce have an affect on me?" I remember at the time answering very quickly, as I was so very shallow and so out of touch with feeling I replied, "No. Should it of?"
I think that was the first time I encountered "someone being real." In return they were waiting for me to be real as well.
I wanted no part of it. I did not understand what "realness" was. I was more than happy wearing different masks in order to gain approval and please people. Would not think of jeopardizing being fake. I never had in my life ever opened up to anyone. As long as I was getting my fix by sucking my emotional needs from a co-dependent relationship, I was in "happy denial." I thought I had no problems. I was just fine.
Facing the lies that we tell ourselves and others in denial is very scary and painful.
I finally had enough of my fakeyness. Two years ago I began looking seriously at myself. I knew I could not go on with the way I was living anymore. I was tired. Emotionally and physically. I was full of anger, sadness, bitterness, shame, resentment, guilt, condemnation, etc. I knew a lot of past abuses, and hurts that I had stuffed were beginning to weigh heavy on my mind and heart now. I needed Help! Much needed Help.
So, in being "real" before God, myself, my t. and my peers, I found out that I do not need to hide behind masks anymore. It is still hard though. I tend to fall back into my old ways, but I am quicker to notice and quicker to set myself straight.
With being "real" and willing, I have given God the opportunity and permission to minister and heal my broken places in my heart.
I so glad you found this truth and am excited to see what God is doing in your life.
ReplyDeleteAmen sis.
ReplyDeleteBless you sweetie.
ReplyDeleteIt's so much harder to "be real" than it seems, isn't it? Denial is a defense-- if we deny our problems to ourselves and others we feel we don't have to deal with them. I'm glad that you are able to be real here on your blog. It's been great getting to know you.
ReplyDeleteWishing you well,
NOS
JBR if what you say you once were then you've come a long way. God's good. So very true if your willing and open to his touch he won't deny healing. What an encouragment you've been to the body of Christ JBR. Are you aware of that I wonder? God Bless.
ReplyDeleteYou have had to work very hard to get where you are at today. Thanks for being real!
ReplyDelete(((JBR)))
ReplyDeleteGod bless you, Sweetie...you have come so far! You are always in my thoughts and prayers!
ReplyDeleteBlessings~
Laura
This is a great lesson to learn. God bless you!
ReplyDeleteI've always loved the title of your blog. It's so true what you've said in your post today. The healing began the moment you let God in.
ReplyDeleteI feel you cant expect more. You have done an incredible job and the awareness is the hardest - at least for me. You / we have being codie for so many years it takes practice to become un-codie :-)
ReplyDeletewe are masters in masquerade, now we stagger... that is ok. We are human. Love to you