The type of abandonment that I have felt with my earthly father was that he was never there for me emotionally. He may have been there physically while growing up, but emotionally, no.
I have felt alone most of my life. Struggling to maintain healthy friendships and relationships.
Since being reconnected to my feelings in the last few months, there have been days when I felt that God has not been with me through my pain. He has been quiet. Does He even care that I am hurting? In my own human frailty I would believe this.
But, God has given us the surety that He has not gone away during our dark deepest hours. He is always present. Even when we cannot feel Him. Even when we are angry at Him.
I am learning during those times when I sense God is quiet, those are the times that He is about to reveal something "Big" to me:
"Where are you, God? Where did you go?"
So many people have gone away. We may have felt so alone so much. In the midst of our struggles and lessons, we may wonder if God has gone away too.
There are wondrous days when we feel God's protection and presence, leading and guiding each step and event. There are gray, dry days of spiritual barrenness when we wonder if anything in our life is guided or planned. Wondering if God knows or cares.
Seek quiet times on the gray days. Force discipline and obedience until the answer comes, because it will.
"I have not gone away child. I am here, always. Rest in me, in confidence. All in your life is being guided and planned, each detail. I know, and I care. Things are being worked out as quickly as possible for your highest good. Trust and be grateful. I am right here. Soon you will see, and know."
Today, I will remember that God has not abandoned me. I can trust that God is leading, guiding, directing, and planning in love each detail of my life.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
JBR, this is so true. I think that's why we call it the 'faith' ... to believe even when it is hard to believe that He would let us suffer so much ... blessings and thank you for your comment :-)
ReplyDeleteWhat you say here, I could have written myself over and over these past three years since my husband lost his job. I question God quite often and recently our family has turned away as well for reasons I won't go into here but it does make one question why and is God still next to me. I know He is but sometimes I need more. Prayer gets me through. Praying for you too!
ReplyDeleteJBR true. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteJust what I needed, today! My biological father has just thrown a curve ball at my sister and I. We are trying to deal with yet another crisis. Just when you think you have a grip on things...here we go again!
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
andrea
Such a beautiful and honest posts as always! I especially love this line, "I am learning during those times when I sense God is quiet, those are the times that He is about to reveal something "Big" to me..."
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful and honest posts as always! I especially love this line, "I am learning during those times when I sense God is quiet, those are the times that He is about to reveal something "Big" to me..."
ReplyDeletewhen you drop by my place today you will see that we are in similar places...i could have written similar...the long silence on what comes next for me...but He is there...and makes Himself know in just the right time...
ReplyDeleteJBR,
ReplyDeleteI could definitely relate to this post. I have had abandonment issues my entire life. My mind accepts that a loving God would never abandon his child but at times my heart feels as if the Lord has turned his back on me. I realize that I was projecting the image of my earthly father onto my heavenly Father but this was a huge stumbling block for me for many years. It makes you realize the importance of healthy family structures for spiritual growth. The pain that many carry from a dysfunctional childhood carries over into their adult years.
Excellent post! I'm still at the beach but I snagged my husband's Blackberry for a little while so I could post and check out a few blogs :) God bless you, JBR!
"I am learning during those times when I sense God is quiet, those are the times that He is about to reveal something "Big" to me..."
ReplyDeleteBEAUTIFUL!
Blessings and ((((hugs))))~
Laura
This post really spoke to me. My earthly father was also unavailable. Both physically and mentally. He simply could not be there. Sometimes, I also feel God's presence very strongly. Other times, not so much. But I know He is there. It's just that I can't feel Him. But I never doubt that he is near, arranging everything for my benefit.
ReplyDeleteI love Melody Beattie. Thanks for your witness, and for sharing this meditation.
All that I can say is that God is good and thanks for sharing this post with us! It really spoke to my heart in a time when I so really needed it! :o)
ReplyDeleteBeautifully penned...I think trusting God in the times He is quiet requires a great deal of faith, and that pleases Him!
ReplyDeleteI have so often felt abandoned by God and everyone else. See my real father left when I was one year old. Then my mother dropped me off on my Grandmother doorstep at 4 years old. Since I lost my son this year I am really fighting the feeling that God doesn't care about me. I still holding on to the truth even if I don't feel it.
ReplyDeleteI know you have gone through a lot with your family in your life, and I'm sorry you had to endure the things you had to endure. But I think it's easy to forget that not all people are like the ones that abuse others-- the key is not making that generalization. It's so hard to do, and it's great that you are making some significant progress in this area.
ReplyDeleteWishing you well,
NOS
I really needed to read this today. Thank you, as always, dear friend.
ReplyDeleteSuch a lovely, very truthful post.
ReplyDeleteHi JBR,
ReplyDeleteIt's normal during dark times to wonder if God is still with us, because the severity of our suffering often means we cannot feel His presence, or it seems like the heavens are silent.
I learnt in these times to rely upon His word, and not my feelings.
"I will never leave you nor forsake you," and "I will be with you always," and "Whoever comes to Me I will never drive away." These scriptures are foundational stones of my life.
God bless :)
what words of comfort....He has not abandoned you and me, and we can trust that he is truly guiding each moment of our life. xxx janie
ReplyDeleteI don't know where I stand with God, but this has at least brought me some hope. SO thank you for posting it.
ReplyDelete