"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

PERFECTIONISM


Recently I found a good meditation site that is practical and I am sure we all can relate. I certainly can for today's topic about wanting to do EVERYTHING correctly and right. Performance based.

I try and do things right in order to feel accepted. In the work place, around my peers. I may give the impression I have it all together. That I know what I am doing. Only to protect myself from looking stupid in my eyes. In a way being deceitful. Because I am trying to be something and portraying someone I am not.

This perfectionism stems a lot from how I was treated by my parents growing up. Especially my father. He was a hard man to please at times. An absent father emotionally for me. He was very impatient and could not understand why I could not grasp and figure something out right away. Then having a controlling mother who WOULD NOT let me do and learn the simple things in life only because I was not doing it her way and I was doing it too fast. Insisted she do them right in front of me telling me all the while "how it should be done." But, never letting me do it. Two contradicting "extreme" parents. Equaled same result from me....."Trying to be perfect."

On one hand I was told why bother because I would not be doing it right in the first place and then on the other hand, why aren't I doing it right in the first place?

How about you?


"Ezekiel 45:10: “You must have honest scales, an honest dry measurement and an honest liquid measurement” (NCV).

Centuries ago in Judah, it was a common practice to use inaccurate scales and weights in the market place. Although God warned against such business tactics, the people continued to cheat their friends and clients.

Those of us who want to do and make everything right may shake our heads, believing ourselves to be more honest than this. Yet, the very nature of our performance addiction, perfectionism, or people pleasing often evokes dishonesty.

“The promise of perfectionism is basically a lie,” writes Dr. David Stoop, in his book, Living With A Perfectionist. Absolute perfection is not possible in this life, but some of us keep trying. We may lie to make situations and relationships look better, stretch the truth to placate others, hide any evidence our work addiction is harmful, and deny the pain in our hearts.

Admitting that our “perfect” ways may be measured with deceitful scales is difficult. We need God’s patient and powerful intervention to help us change our ineffective methods of working and relating.

Lord, I’m in the process of throwing out
all the inaccurate weights I formerly used.
Please help me not to dig them back out of the trash.

Copyright 2010 Joan C. Webb

17 comments:

  1. Amen, I totally understand.

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  2. Argh. I deal with this too. I never realized it until I was in college and my professor said, "You are such a perfectionist" -- then I could see it in many areas. I had a Mom that was never pleased (she still isn't). Even now that she is elderly and I have to shop, go to the bank, etc ... I have a knot in my stomach because I KNOW "something" won't be right.

    Thank you for sharing this!

    Love & hugs,
    Beth

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  3. I still have very high expectations of myself yet I am not seeking perfection anymore. Long road. Love to you.

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  4. Good post, JBR...I think most people can relate to this...we all have some people in our lives that we feel the need to show how perfect we are...but we know nothing good is done in ourselves...it's all by God's grace....

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  5. Thank you for this post. I definitely struggle with perfectionism. Love the idea of accurate scales. Any idea where I can find one... lol Hugs to you.

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  6. i hear what you are saying..i do try to do things with excellence, which i think is honoring...but try not to let perfectionism keep me from attempting things...

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  7. So true and even hard when you try so hard and still, not achieve that kind of perfection. Blessings.

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  8. Like the post JBR. God's our Rock that provides us the perfect foundation of what's right and wrong. He's the standard of perfection and the source of truth and righteousness. God Bless.

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  9. It sounds like you got some conflicting messages as a kid that culminated in perfectionism as an adult. I know how much pressure being perfectionistic can be. It's really tough.

    Wishing you well,
    NOS

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  10. I can SOOOOOO relate! Wow...yes to this! Perfectionism has robbed more joy, more relaxed relationship, more REST than I care to remember. But I choose to remember because HE IS FAITHFUL and what He has started in you, HE'LL FINISH. Yep, He can be trusted and you're in good hands. Your honesty about this is SO healing in itself. Joy, joy, joy to you!
    -Jennifer

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  11. I can so relate to this. In the end all it does is leave you tired with a goal you can never make.

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  12. I like to say that I'm a recovering perfectionist. I never really thought about it was wrong until I read the book, Conquering the Religious Spirit. And your post here gives me fresh way of seeing it.

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  13. something I have to think about...I know I like to be “perfect”...maybe I ought to look at the “why”s” of this

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  14. Good post..but not perfect! Just kidding. Thanks for another thought-provoking word!

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  15. Hello my sister in Christ,

    I too have dishonest scales. I try to be perfect and when I am not, I beat myself up! I think it was how I was raised too, but it's a little different than everyone else. You see I was always really good in school. My dream was to go to college and learn. I was one of those werid kids that couldn't wait for the first day of school. However, this wasn't and still isn't my Mom's dream for me. When I was young, it was like "Why don't you have more friends?" Now instead of validating me for having my B.A. she says, "Well if you would have done this, this, and this, you would be married by now." Now I am not saying that I don't like friends, but as I child I prefered to do my school work over talking on the phone. And I am not saying that I am not open to the possiblity of marriage, but I am waiting because for a long time I was focused on other things. I did have relationships, but I wasn't ready for anything real serious. It was like what I wanted wasn't good enough and it still isn't. The difference is now I validate myself. However, there is this guy that I am into, but I don't know what to say to him because my Mom's "old tapes" run in my head. It's like in order to get this guy to go out with me I have to be perfect for him. Well, anyway, I am just saying I can relate. And I think I will just start talking to my cutie this Tuesday. Pray for me on Tuesday evening.

    Hugs,
    Amanda

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  16. I thought if I tried to be perfect then people would accept me. I had my public image and my real image. Very hard balancing act.

    Since being saved, I strive to do my best for Him. It has been a long struggle to rid myself of those unbalanced scales. Even in God's eyes we don't have to be perfect.

    Love this post.

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