"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Friday, July 09, 2010


Along with my abusive past which caused shame, the controlling by my mother of me even to this day has shamed me as well.

Shame, guilt and condemnation have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. Sad. So much so that even after becoming a Christian shame remained. Certainly I understand why now. That is why I am in t.

I have not experienced the Joy of the Lord that is so freely given to believers because of these aforementioned barriers!

As you have noted lately I have been talking about how much I want to receive the Joy of the Lord!

My t. posed the question yesterday to me, "How much does it mean to me to get the Joy of the Lord?" I know where she was going with that question. I knew what was ahead.

Sure my mind says, "Oh yes, yes, yes I want the joy of the Lord." But my heart, where my emotional pain from my past resides says, "Oh yes....ummm.. . yeah... but...."

As the Holy Spirit would have it, first thing this morning He revealed a plan to me. A plan which I then began implementing tonight as a start to a very dysfunctional controlling issue with my mother and I.

I did not want to go through with this plan today.

No Way!

JBR Scared!!

My mind was very active thinking about the worst case scenario. But, I knew I had to though. In order to at least begin breaking away.

As expected the first stage of the plan was not well received. In fact it certainly did NOT feel good by either of us. Guilt and shame found its way quickly into "the plan" on my part. Anger, hurt, lack of control and confusion I am sure on hers. Still it felt good that I was able to at least step out a little.

I know there will be even more resistance down the road, when I repeat my performance of tonight.

Praying for the strongholds and generational curses to be broken within my family. Not just with my mother but with my brother as well.

I found some excerpts below from Juanita Ryan on how beneficial letting go of shame is that I wanted to share:

Many of us start accumulating shame in childhood. Sometimes the roots of shame involve abuse, neglect or significant trauma. But shame can also be rooted in less intense experiences. Shame can be created if a child is told she is irresponsible or stupid when he spills his milk or brings home grades that don’t meet a parent’s expectations. Rather than being taught how to clean up the spilled milk, or helped in ways that might allow for greater success in school, a kind of character assassination takes place which leaves a child believing terrible things about herself.

Shame can also be formed when a child’s basic needs for secure attachment, nurture and attention are chronically unmet. When our longings for relatedness are not met, the basic human need to love and to be loved can feel shameful to us.

Letting go of shame is important because shame leads only to destructive places. Shame keeps us focused on how bad we feel about ourselves, and thus less aware and open to others. Shame keeps us immobilized because it is based in the belief that we are hopelessly beyond help. Shame pushes us to isolate because we feel too exposed. Shame feels so terrible that it opens the door to rage. We cannot stand to feel so terrible so we lash out at ourselves and we lash out at others.

The good news is that anytime shame surfaces there is an opportunity to experience healing of the experiences and beliefs that have fed the shame.

When hard times come, feelings of shame often surface—feelings of being worthless and unlovable. We can let these feelings go. They do not belong to us. We are valued. We are loved.


  1. Thank you so much for this post. My life is filled with shame. I know how you feel and I will be praying for you.((((((JBR)))))))

  2. You go JBR!! You are not worthless and unloveable, keep on working and getting stronger!

  3. Praying for that complete healing you wrote about here...let the shame starve...you are the apple of His eye...His beloved...

  4. I think letting go of shame is one of the hardest things to do. Give yourself time, JBR. I can see you getting stronger.

    Wishing you well,

  5. Onward and upward JBR. You're getting there. God Bless.

  6. It's difficult, JBR, very difficult to break away from the unhealthy ways that are all you have known, but you are doing it. You are planning it, you are executing it. You are taking control, for once, you are in control.

    Keep the faith, keep moving ahead

  7. I didn't even know what I was feeling until just a few years ago and the power that it had on me and still does to a great extent. Praying God's strength for you as you begin to step out.

  8. I'm so glad to hear that this plan, however hard, is part of your journey. You are the one in control of your growth! Your mother or brother cannot take that away from you!

  9. Thanks dear JBR, I like sharing with wonderful people like you...sharing the darkest or brightest feelings n thoughts.
    You amaze me every-time I read your posts. You wont back down at any cost, no matter how scared you are...good on you.
    Take care n Thank you

  10. Great post, I love the last paragraph, very uplifting!
    Take care