"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Thursday, July 22, 2010


This post is more or less a follow up to yesterday regarding my wisdom tooth.

First off, I did not want to frighten any of you into thinking I was dying because I had some kind of infection in the tooth. I mentioned that it was not impacted. The tooth is cracked. The nerve is exposed and extremely sensitive. Hot or cold getting on to the nerve is so unbearably painful. I cannot even eat on that side now. Anyway..... I truly do thank you all for your concern. Will keep you posted "when" I will get the tooth out. Yes, I said, "when" and not "if."

In sharing with my t. today about my fears with the DDS, we discovered that I still do not trust others. That I am NOT allowing myself to be needy. That even in the case of having to have my wisdom tooth pulled, that I am not allowing others to come into my world of pain and help me out. I want to do everything on my own and not ask for help. I do not feel worthy enough to receive help. This is an awful belief. Very hard for me to break away and give up my control and ask for help.

A memory just surfaced and makes sense now. A lot of my lack of neediness I think I learned early on from my earthly father. He was not there for me many times. So I built up this mentality that I do not need anyone (although I was hurting inside for his acceptance). I had to give the appearance I was strong. Do not need help. Or do not even bother trying.

Many times my father crushed me with his words not only as a child but as an adult. He would imply that I should not impose on anyone, how dare I. He shamed me. Even to the point I felt I was imposing on his own life. One time I remember I ended up falling apart. Could not hold it together upon hearing what he said to me. I still remember him talking over me while I was crying. He could of cared less that I was hurting. I felt like a nobody.

This lack of asking for help is a Big Step for me to overcome now.

The devotional below shares on trust and is perfect timing not just for me, but I am sure some of you can benefit from as well.

Trusting other human beings is like planting a garden. First we must choose where to plant - is the soil healthy, is it open to sunlight? We would not plant seeds on rocks that are hard and un-giving. In the same way, we need to choose friends who are trustworthy, who are like rich soil open to planting and sunlight.

Then we need to plant the seeds of time and care. If we share some of our feelings and are welcomed, we will know it is safe to share more. We can share ourselves in our own time - even a garden grows slowly, and can take only so much sun and rain in one day.

Having trust in someone feeds the spirit. Trust also gives us the courage to be beautiful, like the flowers of our gardens.

Am I brave enough to trust others and to be worthy of their trust?

From Today's Gift: Daily Meditations for Families ©1985, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.


  1. You can always trust Jesus with every part of you sis.

  2. I am sorry if I assumed your tooth was impacted. Mine were.

    Have you tried clove? stick it inside where the crack is and it should help with the pain.

    Trust is hard to develop. Asking for help is even harder. It has taken me years to learn to lean on others and to trust. I don't trust everyone, but I do trust my immediate circle of friends and family.

    My sister has had trouble asking for help. We set up a pass word for when she needs help. It has been a blessing for us both. She says the password and I take the appropiate action.

    I have so much trouble expressing my feelings and emotions verbally. I can write them down, but just get lost when I am trying to express how I feel about something.

    I hope you are better. I am keeping you in my prayers.

    Love and peace.

  3. JBR:

    I just read through the comments here, so many good ones. I always have to laugh at Deborah... she just 'button holes it' in such a humorous few words!

    I had all 4 wisdom teeth removed at once for one reason... I did NOT want to do it 4 times!!

    Good for you... the DDS will advise on the best way and you will be SO glad it is done!!!



  4. now then....you cannot remove that tooth yourself so you must trust, no choice this time. I think it is a good starting point, Make sure you get what you need from your Dentist...don’t be shy, he is working for you.

  5. Hi, sweetie~

    I have to admit that I had trouble with people doing things to help me for the longest time. I have always been the one to do for everyone else, so I just got used to "fending for myself" in whatever situation I was in until a close friend of mine said, "What gives you the right to rob me of my blessing by helping YOU?" OKAY!

    I now look at help from others in a different light! PRAISE GOD for that!

    Keeping you in my prayers!


  6. JBR,

    This reminds me of a conference Joyce Meyer did where she confessed after all the men in her life had caused her pain in so many areas that she made an "agreement with herself" never to let anyone control her or allow herself to need anyone. Great video. I'll have to try and locate it and pass it along.

    I know just saying those things outloud to ourselves, are enough for us to make it happen. It's like a covenant we make and then find it hard to let ourselves out when we realize how detrimental it becomes to our healing.

    Praying for better days ahead.

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

  7. So many great comments...am so sorry about your wisdom tooth, that is great pain indeed and one commenter mentioned clove, it works wonders...
    I am thinking of you and sending you many warm hugs, trust your higher power...always.

    Love to you

  8. trust IS hard. I struggle with it all the time. And I really like the part where you recognize you need to start asking for help from others.

    Me too.

    I'm trying.

  9. This is what my t is trying to convince me to do. But how do I figure out who to trust? I know I should try what the second paragraph of the devotional says but it's hard to break a life long way of thinking. I'll be thinking of you.

  10. JBR - I have a dentist trust issue myself, due to some really bad dentists that shouldn't have been operating. I just tell the dentist I have dental neurosis, and they understand especially when they find out why. Hang in there, get your teeth fixed as you can. ((JBR))

  11. Remember trust needs to be earned by little risks that pay off. Little by little do not force trust.
    hope your feeling a bit better

  12. Hope your tooth is fixed soon...
    I always admire you courage to go on and confront your demons.

  13. Oh yes, trusting is so very hard. I am not very often trust myself, yet another person etc.. I am getting better though. very slowly though.
    I have learned that partioculary dentists are very idfficult for survivor of sexual abuse, as the position makes us feel helpless. Which we arent actually as we have choosen to be in that chair, yet the trigger is there. Funnily since I know that I got better with dentists. Love to you. Many thanks for your congrats from Skip and me.

  14. prayers for your tooth.

    Trust is difficult and to be honest the only one who is completely trustworthy is God. He will never let us down. Having that backing though means we also have the courage to trust others as well. Great devotion.


  15. Sending love and hugs and prayers and huge hope for healing happening!

  16. Ouch! Sounds painful!

    Trust can be difficult. I have some issues there sometimes myself.

    God bless you Sister!