Appearing weak was not in my vocabulary growing up. Sure I felt weak because I was verbally beaten down by my parents and controlled and also I did not want to be taken advantage of like I was by my brother who molested me.
I had to be in control of my surroundings. That is if I even put myself into surroundings. Usually I just severely isolated for so many years. Was a very sad, lonely, fearful and depressed teenager into adult life. I did not want to be hurt again. I kept everything inside me. Had no one to share my pain with. Had no friends. I certainly could not go to my mum as she was the one beating me down emotionally and my dad was not there for me.
I lived in a constant state of fear and panic most my life. Which I thought was the norm. Being brought up with a mum who exhibited irrational fears, even to this day. Also, I was always thinking I would get emotionally hurt or sexually abused again. The latter being the biggest of my fears.
Although God and I are still working in healing me in these areas, being vulnerable does have some good qualities.
If we are able to trust and share our vulnerability with one another, it can build strong relationships. Others can relate and then feel comfortable in sharing their own pain and struggles. I am slowly at this point now.
I still have trust issues. But, I do see the potential in sharing. It helps us to be accessible to others as we grow and they can grow as well.
JBR post has alot of depth to it. Your conclusion is positive and makes a good point. I'm encouraged to see how life is changing for you. God Bless.
ReplyDeleteYou are growing more each day sis.
ReplyDeleteI continue to admire your courage of being real in your writing. Trust is such a tough issue to deal with and yes sharing even on a blog is tremendously helpful...at least for me. It took about seven years before I could trust my therapist and told him some of my secrets. The first couple of years sometimes even if he just said, "hello," I would retreat into myself. It is better now, but still I have to make a conscious effort. God Bless You!!
ReplyDelete(((JBR)))
ReplyDeleteI think we're all vulnerable in some way, and you're right-- sharing that vulnerability with others just makes everyone stronger. Like a team.
Wishing you well,
NOS
God puts us through different paces to get to a better place eventually.
ReplyDeleteThrough fear we learn courage and hope
and grow.
Hope we each find our way to that better place soon.
Be well.
BM
Your post hit the spot for me today.
ReplyDeleteBless your heart. I too wasn't allowed to show my true emotions in front of daddy growin' up. He would become very angry if I cried-even as my little girl self. He'd yell 'till I stopped and tell me, "cryin' is a sign of weakness." To this day I just suck it up when I fell the urge to cry comin' on.
ReplyDeleteTake care sweetie, you and God will get through this. Your not alone.
You have a glorious day sweetie!!!
JBR,
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post and I think it truly speaks of a missing aspect in most peoples relationships is the vulnerability that requires us to open ourselves up. It's a chance we have to take to possibly get hurt but also the opportunity to be loved!
Love and Hugs ~ Kat
Great post, JBR, and one I could well relate to. My teenage years were filled with anxiety and fears though I didn't understand why at the time. I'm glad you've made so much progress and can write so honestly about your past and the healing that has occurred in your life. My prayers are with you!
ReplyDeleteAnd I appreciate your courage here to share your incredible journey with the Lord...towards victory! You already have it! Because of your faith. God bless you JBR! When I was a baby in the faith, my oldest bro. gave me a CD of Don Moen's songs and I love them all!
ReplyDelete