"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Monday, September 13, 2010

DETACHING FROM CHILDREN


Something my mother is being forced to do. Even though she may not know it now. My mum is learning the hard way that she is not able to control me like she once had.

Sure she can throw the guilt trips my way. She still tries. But, she is meeting a dead end now. I am not responding like I used to. I am standing up for myself. I am still fearful because of the fear of rejection. But the more I become confident in who I am and believe in my heart that I have the right to be me, the more easier facing my mum or anyone with a controlling personality will become:


It's one thing to let go of my husband and let him suffer the consequences. But how do I let go of my children? Isn't it different with children? Don't we have responsibilities as parents? Al Anon member

We do have different responsibilities to our children than to other adults. We are financially responsible for our children; we are responsible for providing for their material and physical needs.

Our children need to be taught how to help themselves - from tying their shoes to making social plans. They need our love and guidance. They need consistent enforcement of boundaries, once we've established limits. They need a supportive, nurturing environment in which to grow. They need help learning values.

But we are not responsible for controlling our children. Contrary to popular belief, controlling doesn't work. Discipline and nurturing do - if combined. Shame and guilt interfere with our children's learning and our parenting. We need to respond to our children in a responsible way and hold them accountable for their actions at an age appropriate level. We need only do our best.

We can let our children have their own process of living; we can have our own process. And, we can take care of ourselves during that process. Seek balance. Seek wisdom, Seek not to have control, but to own our power as people who are parents.

Today, God, help me find an appropriate balance of responsibility to my children. Help me parent through nurturing and discipline, instead of control.

Hazelden Foundation

9 comments:

  1. To be honest, I had some control issues going on with my kids. Of course now that they're all grown up, I have had to stop and let them make their own choices. But God has helped me tremendously with this, and my kids have turned out pretty good!

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  2. I think that it is so brave that you are standing up to your mom. Keep on fighting for you!
    Sending{{{HUGS}}}

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  3. Ahhh...that beast known as the Mother/Daughter Relationship. As a daughter, a mom and a grandmother...I understand the dynamics, and try to be a good mom to a mom.
    Outstanding post!!!!
    ~AM

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  4. That is a powerful bit of
    living advice.
    Why don't kids come with
    that kind of helpful info
    written on a pamphlet or
    something:)
    You're doing you and your mom
    a big favor and helping her to
    become healthy even as you're
    battling for your own healthy
    freedom.
    Well done, you.
    Some day she'll love and respect
    you all the more for it.
    -Jennifer

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  5. Keep standing eye to eye with your mom sweet sis.

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  6. Way to go, JBR! You're standing your ground even though it's difficult. That's tough to do and I give you a lot of credit. Wishing you continued strength!

    Wishing you well,
    NOS

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  7. Easy 1...2...3. Read and write your own article. A new collabrative dimension - www.jeejix.com

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  8. Wonderful post girl. You are loving HER more than you understand

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  9. Very well said. Hoping your Mum learns well.

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