EMBRACE THE PROCESS

I am going through a new phase of my journey now where trust is becoming so much more important for my healing process. These past few days, especially at work, have been extremely trying on my outcome. A lot of painful personal tests for me and an opportunity to grow. It has not been easy. But, I certainly know I am a lot stronger than I was.

Recovery is an on-going process. There will be days when you will slip back into your old patterns. Painful memories and feelings may resurface. Doubts that plague your thoughts. Fear may grip you so strongly like the beginning when you began your journey. Lies may filtrate your thinking. Feelings may feel good and safe for a short while but then reality sets in again. At this time, try not to become discouraged. Embrace the process.

All the above does not mean that you have to begin your journey again. It shows that something may still be triggering you that needs to be brought out into the light and dealt with. To be broken off. Or there may be no explanation. Nothing at all. Whatever the case may be, try not to beat yourself up over a slip back to your old ways. I too need to heed to my own words here.

I like the opening quote below.....

"I still have bad days. But that's okay. I used to have bad years." — Anonymous

Sometimes, the old feelings creep back in. We may feel fearful, ashamed, and hopeless. We may feel not good enough, unlovable, victimized, helpless, and resentful about it all. This is codependency, a condition some describe as soul sickness.

Many of us felt this way when we began recovery. Sometimes, we slip back into these feelings after we've begun recovery. Sometimes there's a reason. An event may trigger these reactions, such as ending a relationship, stress, problems on the job, at home, or in friendships. Times of change can trigger these reactions. So can physical illness.

Sometimes, these feelings return for no reason.

A return to the old feelings doesn't mean were back to square one in our recovery. They do not mean we've failed at recovery. They do not mean were in for a long, painful session of feeling badly. They just are there.

The solution is the same: practicing the basics. Some of the basics are loving and trusting our self, detachment, dealing with feelings, giving and receiving support in the recovery community, using our affirmations, and having fun.

Another basic is working the Steps. Often, working the Steps is how we become enabled and empowered to practice the other basics, such as detachment and self-love.

If the old feelings come back, know for certain there is a way out that will work.

Today, if I find myself in the dark pit of codependency, I will work a Step to help myself climb out.

Hazelden Foundation