"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Friday, September 24, 2010

RECOVERED MEMORY ****May Trigger***

Before fully waking up this morning, I was lying in bed and my mind went back to an incident as a child. Around the time of my sexual abuse. Where I remember my brother having me bring my other girlfriends on a couple of occasions to our utility room in our house where he would then grope them.

I recall this particular memory of being in the utility room while this was going on also. Sort of the "look-out," in case our father came around. Observing from a distance. When always recalling this memory, it was always my girlfriends being abused at this time......until NOW.

In my minds eye I could see my friends standing looking ahead at what was our freezer, a washer and a very small window in a dark room. My brother standing behind his victims. But, always excused it to what I envisioned my friends were looking at. Until this morning.....

I have Strong conviction in believing NOW what I was always thinking "they" were looking at in front of them, was me also recalling what I was actually looking at. I too was being abused in the utility room. I never put two-and-two together until now.

This was some way to wake up this morning. Not too good.

20 comments:

  1. mmm...thoughts and prayers for you today as you sort through this...

    ReplyDelete
  2. JBR, so sorry ... maybe it's your healing process taking you another step ahead ... you're in my prayers, blessings, hugs!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. The mind is a mystery. Heals in time. Heals memories that need to be restored. Go with it today JBR. God Bless.

    ReplyDelete
  4. My blood is boiling. And I feel angry and well, just mad. This has brought back all the feelings I had when I was being molested as a child. It happened once but the feeling stirs my whole self. I so badly want to avenge the wrong done to you and me and millions of others. But I am resigning and praying and realizing that you and I and everyone of us is far greater than our physical selves. We are powerful. We just need to remember this at all times. Tight hug, friend!

    ReplyDelete
  5. You've been tagged. Follow this link, http://clinicallyclueless.blogspot.com/2010/09/my-15-albums.html

    If you don't want to that is okay...no pressure, but I thought this would be fun.

    take care,
    CC

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm sorry, JBR. That must have been an awful way to wake up. I hope today improves.

    Wishing you well,
    NOS

    ReplyDelete
  7. That is a tough way to wake up. But perhaps an important thing to remember? :) Hugs to you as you find a way to make meaning of this and deal with the emotions that go with it.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Praying for His strength and healing to continue to rain down on you JBR. I pray that every time something gets to be remembered, is another layer exposed to His discernment and healing. Take care of yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  9. (((JBR)))

    I am praying that God can come into that memory and hold little JBR and make her feel safe and take the shame away.

    Blessings,
    Tammy

    ReplyDelete
  10. I pray for loads and loads of strength to move on in life. I know how it feels to wake up to something so upsetting , it just ruins the rest of your day and if you cannot tackle it, will just fall into depression. Praying for God's love for you. blessings

    ReplyDelete
  11. JBR,

    Oh I am so sorry that you woke up to this, but my hunch is that it also means that you are getting ready to work with it. I am so sad for your little girl to have gone through so much. I know for me making realizations that I thought was a completed picture made me nauseated and foggy. Take care of yourself.

    Blessings,
    CC

    ReplyDelete
  12. Praying for you, today!
    BIG HUGS,
    andrea

    ReplyDelete
  13. Now you are ready to deal with this, or your mind would not have remembered. Think how much your healing in the last year has prepared you to handle this memory. Praying for you JBR (((JBR)))

    ReplyDelete
  14. Not a good memory at all....but maybe an important one. Another piece to the puzzle that is your childhood.

    Blessings to you as you process this revelation today.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hey! I think you are about to embark on another part of your recovery. Still, it is weird to wake up like that. I usually wake up fighting because I've just had a dream about past sexual abuse.

    smooches,
    Larie

    ReplyDelete
  16. Recovered memories are so hard to deal with, but so much a part of the healing process. I am standing there with you. May God comfort your heart as you continue to heal. ((((JBR))))

    ReplyDelete
  17. Praying without ceasing for you.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Just happened by your blog this AM, it has been a while. Glad to see you still here and still healing. No, not a great memory, BUT. God reveals these things to us in His time when He feels we are ready. Never forget that you are and always have been a survior. AL of us on this healing journey are. Lifting you up in prayer.
    Love, Patty

    ReplyDelete
  19. You know I was thinking what a revelation this was. Yes, not a 'good thing' to wake up too, BUT the truth DOES set us free..So many of us have lived in denial that have been abused. We just didn't want to know the truth, deal with it, accept it...just thinking about it myself at times I rather just shove it down and not deal with it, pretend it didn't happen.

    This is HUGE what you experienced. " I too was being abused in the utility room." YES, you were. WE think because it wasn't happening to us, that we weren't being abused, but we WERE...sigh...

    ReplyDelete
  20. What a frightening experience for you (and your friends), JBR. I pray that God continues to heal you, body and soul, from the trauma you experienced as a child and that He heals you of the pain these memories cause.

    Thank you for praying for my father! He is doing much better.

    ReplyDelete