"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Saturday, October 30, 2010


For those that remember in my post on Thursday, where my refrigerator died on me last Monday and I thought I would just need Freon. Well, it turned out I had to get a whole new refrigerator. That being said, I hate to shop period. Hate it Hate it Hate it. Even if it is for myself and something I really want. I believe that stems from my mother forcing me to go with her while she shopped for endless hours.

Since on my journey, part of my growth is regaining my independence. To break away depending on my mother who did EVERY LITTLE THING FOR ME. Even up to a few years ago. But, since I have set boundaries, I have been able to buy on my own; my own cell phone, have my own credit card, a new guitar, a laptop, paid with my own money and fixed my brakes on my car, and now paid for a whole new refrigerator without the help, frustration, complaining, fears, controlling of my mother who would make even coffee nervous.

Now all the above is unbeknown to her. I would be a fool to share what I have done "without her approval" so soon or with her at all. She would then criticize, ridicule and yes, even call me a "little stupeedo" because, "she could of gotten a better price," and "she needed to be in my affairs." So, I do not share things like this with her anymore. Will have an encounter with my mum this morning as I am setting up a new printer for her.

So, my refrigerator came yesterday. It is sooooo good to have something cold to drink again!!! After my fridge was set up I then decided to vacuum. Did a few sweeps across the rug; I smell and then see smoke coming from underneath the vacuum. Well, that was the end of my vacuum cleaner. What gives? All my appliances are dying on me. I hate to turn on my oven now. :)

I tell you! The enemy is hitting me left and right these days with personal items breaking and inconveniences. When I was in my safe comfortable zone, stuff like this was not happening to me. I was not a threat at all. Now I am.

Then having a disturbing dream this morning.

About being with my childhood friends. Meeting them as adults along with present people in my life. Then having some sort of black out. Which I have never had to my knowledge IRL. (Although I dissociated when being sexually abused. But not blacked out.) Waking up being in an unfamiliar place. Then finding these friends again, with one being very resistant and leery of me. Asking them for help as I knew something was seriously wrong with me. Weird.

In a way all that is going on with me, shows me that I am on the right path to healing and desiring more of God!


  1. Good grief, I had one of these episodes years ago.The appliances just died on me. I even set fire to the toaster, don't know how, but I was apparently toasting something that splattered oil and my hairdryer almost toasted my hair and it caught fire!!! To this day, I have no idea why it happened all at one go. Thank God, I did not get hurt.

  2. nice. good ont he refrigerator....ack ont he vacuum...that stuff happens to me as well...you know where your strength is...

  3. Love the phrase "would even make coffee nervous"! Glad you have the new fridge, sigh,now you have look for a vacuum cleaner. I think God just wants you to flex those independent muscles this week!!!

  4. Upside, maybe your jouney is not everything negative lately, but casting out the old to welcome the new. Maybe a fresh start is what you need. Hugs to you. Tammy

  5. Seems like the devil does that. When things start to go wrong he keeps on kicking you in the teeth. He wants you to give up. Sometimes it is so hard, but that is when you got to hang on to God for dear life. You will make it through all this mess. Yes I believe God even cares about our vacuum cleaners, because He cares about us. ((((JBR))))

  6. I'm sorry this happened to you. I too have had days like this, weeks, and even one entire year -2003. But take some advice from an older gal - this too, will pass. Stay on your path and never give up.


  7. Yikes! The enemy does concentrate on specific seasons in our lives. He likes to camp out and play repetitive games to wear us down.

    about the dream-

    Just a thot - is it possible that these childhood friends have a certain piece of a puzzle that you may not know or remember from your past? The blackout seems to say that something happened without your knowledge or it was too painful to remember then but now in your present life - with the wisdom and healing that you've gained - you're able to handle the hidden knowledge? Therefore they resurface in your present. The waking up in an unfamiliar place after the blackout and rejoining your childhood friends could mean that they hold a key to a piece of your healing - an unresolved piece that is resurfacing. The girl that is leery of you - may know something that you don't know - but probably would benefit you.

    pray about it. Pray for revelation. I believe God gives us dreams to show us things that we could never know or even realize any other way. He hides little treasures for us to seek out. And as we seek - He reveals more truth to us that facilitates our healing. I will be praying for more revelation for you too. In fact, I pray that the Good Lord communicates clearly to you in your night hours - when you lay your mind to sleep.

    God bless you JBR
    Patrina <")>><
    warrior bride in boots

  8. Resistance is always a good sign
    you're heading in the right direction.
    Just grin and let the signs say
    "hey, it's a new season and you're
    heading into new freedom
    and new beginnings; you'll be
    needing new appliances for this
    next leg of your beautiful journey.
    And you've got an excellent
    shepherd who is also an excellent
    provider. Godspeed"
    Your comments about your mom
    had me laughing....could make coffee nervous:)
    Oh, I can relate.
    To the shopping thing too.
    You're taking SO much NEW ground, friend!!!
    Bravo and love to you,

  9. I love your positive endings. Heal well. I'm sending a lot of love to your appliances. ;)