"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Thursday, November 11, 2010


My mum is up to her ole worried self!!

I felt somewhat good enough to attempt to play tennis last night. I know getting out would do me good. Anyway, she knows I play. We discussed it that morning. She knows that tennis courts have lights. Ummmmm........?????

Now that it gets darker, my mum believes I should not be out after dark. She left me a message on my home answering machine and cell phone last night saying, "I guess you forgot about me and did not call. It is dark out now. Where are you?"

Give me a break!!

When I spoke with her last night she was crying as she thought something happened to me. And naturally she questioned me being out after dark (oh my gosh I feel so much like a child). She will never give this up using the excuse that "she is my mother and she worries about me." Growing up she would not really let me go out after dark. That is why on those rare occasions when I was able to go to a party as a teenager (after dark) at someone else's house, unsupervised, I took advantage of what was offered and lived as much as I could in just those few hours.

She kept on saying that she kept on looking at the clock and it got darker and darker and darker and no phone call from me. She thought the worst!

Lord why me???? She still manages to crush my Spirit.

And how old am I..... I said???? Which never works with her as she constantly uses the line and excuse that my older brother killed himself so she has to worry about me. I do not know what she thinks I plan on doing after dark, killing myself??? Deep issues and fears my mother has. This is what I was brought up on.

I refuse to live this way anymore in fear!!

My mum talks about how much she trust's God. Only if she can help Him along by worrying.

If she only knew half of the things I even do in the daylight and the events and prayer meetings I go to (after dark) and the food shopping I go before daybreak without her permission now she would have a conniption!

****For those of you who are new to my blog and have loving and understanding mothers I commend you. My mother unfortunately can be a controller, serious worrier and guilt/shame thrower. She knows no other way and chooses to continue to live this way. She is very stubborn****


  1. Maybe mom should get some help? God does not want us to worry. I am sorry that you have a worry wart mom.

    I do know this much, no matter how good or how horrible a mother is, you never get over the loss when she is gone. I had such love/hate feelings for my mother.

    May you find peace.

  2. Praying for peace for your Mom. It must be misery to have to be in control of everyone and everything in order to feel OK. Hang in there JBR!

  3. I am being serious here - maybe she has a disease called narcissism. My mom had that.


  4. It sounds like your mother has issues she needs to work on. Loving you children is a wonderful thing, but smothering them is not OK! I know where I live it dark at 5:10 PM. I can't even imagine being in before dark. Would your mother take a suggestion that she really needs to talk with somebody about her fears? She is going way beyond what would be nurturing and causing harm to you by her unjustified worries and fears.

  5. I'm glad you got to play tennis. You Mom is a worrier. A lot of people are like that. My Mom who is 80 still reminds me not to go out when it's dark!

  6. Wow. When you first said that your mom doesn't want you to go out after dark I said the same thing that you said-- how old are you?!? You are clearly mature enough to handle being out after 6pm. You keep playing tennis if that's what makes you happy. Your mom's anxiety is not your responsibility.

    I'm sorry about your brother. I didn't know that about your family. That must have been awful to go through. (((JBR)))

    Wishing you well,

  7. This was a similar scenario for me growing up, too. Like you, I refuse fear. It is something that creeps in, though, and I have to be alert! Bless you.

  8. I'm so sorry about your mom's controlling issues. I'm sure you know it is based on fear. All I think you can do is try to find a way to live your life but still honor her in attitude. So hard. She probably won't change at this point in her life unfortunately.

  9. It's hard when your mother is constantly projecting her issues onto to you. You would never have a life if you stayed in after dark. The fact that you are working on this is amazing. You deserve your own life without abnormal fear.

  10. Isnt it great that you have inherited her stubborness and carry on on your road. Mio of hugs. You are doing so great and I am happy that you play tennis. As long as you feel safe playing tennis there it is ok - that counts and it is fab that you know and see it this way.

  11. good job getting out and relaxing a bit...and for being strong....

  12. She has to learn like I did that we truly have to trust God and not live in fear. It is not healthy. I do think that she should get some help too.

  13. JBR, praying that through you, your mom will conquer that spirit of fear...God bless and protect you sister!

  14. you know what it is, you know it's all about control. It is not about caring for you, it is all about her, about controlling you.

  15. I understand how you feel but as a parent I also know your mother's fears but you are an adult so she needs to let go a little bit. So sorry that she has so many issues of her own to deal with.
    She needs to free herself of these fears, it's not a fun way to live. We can give the warnings but we can't change life, shit happens. I just sent my kids a link on drunk driving, just a friendly reminder to always have a designated driver.

  16. I'm sorry you'll aren't on the same page. I'm praying for you both. :)

  17. I think there are meds for that...
    But seriously, have you had you mother checked out by a Dr. (and a Dr. of psych)? I'm not being facetious, I'm wondering if she has the beginning of dementia. My dad sorta got that way with mom when it started for him. My best to you both and I'm sorry it's is so difficult to deal with.