"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Friday, November 12, 2010


In t. yesterday we talked mainly about my mother's irrational fears and how all these years I gave into them. As I knew no better. After realizing just how much fear has played in my life, I am astounded. Fear ruled my teenage and adult years. I lived through my mother who is so controlling and fearful, fear seemed normal to me. Fear has been my constant companion.

In the next coming days, weeks or whenever, I will be setting a BIG boundary with my mother. Not looking forward at all to the confrontation and what may result there from.

I believe the other day's incident with the frantic phone calls to me because it was after dark and I did not call her was the "second" to last straw.

I am at a point now that enough is enough. I am tired of having to lie about doing something and I would not be available in order to not have to call her a particular day. I just need the courage to stand up to my fears. God will provided this I know. But, I know without a doubt this confrontation will go down. No doubt! And believe it or not, it is the fearing of the unknown that I fear. The rejection. Due to not having really stood up to my mother the way I am going to have to. Sure, I had my share of milestones these past couple of years. Praise God! Setting some good boundaries which I have grown tremendously from, but what is coming next will be the ultimate.

The devotional below shares what I am going through and certainly what more I can expect from setting boundaries. Some of you may also be experiencing or have experienced the same. If so, may you be encouraged:

We need to know how far we'll go, and how far we'll allow others to go with us. Once we understand this, we can go anywhere. — Beyond Codependency

When we own our power to take care of ourselves - set a boundary, say no, and change an old pattern - we may get flack from some people. That's okay. We don't have to let their reactions control us, stop us, or influence our decision to take care of ourselves.

We don't have to control their reactions to our process of self-care. That is not our responsibility. We don't have to expect them not to react either.

People will react when we do things differently or take assertive action to nurture ourselves, particularly if our decision in some way affects them. Let them have their feelings. Let them have their reactions. But continue on your course anyway.

If people are used to us behaving in a certain way, they'll attempt to convince us to stay that way to avoid changing the system. If people are used to us saying yes all the time, they may start mumbling and murmuring when we say no. If people are used to us taking care of their responsibilities, feelings, and problems, they may give us some flack when we stop. That's normal. We can learn to live with a little flack in the name of healthy self-care. Not abuse, mind you flack.

If people are used to controlling us through guilt, bullying, and badgering, they may intensify their efforts when we change and refuse to be controlled. That's okay. That's flack too.

We don't have to let flack pull us back into old ways if we've decided we want and need to change. We don't have to react to flack or give it much attention. It doesn't deserve it. It will die down.

Today, I will disregard any flack I receive for changing my behaviors or making other efforts to be myself.

Hazelden Foundation

By the way, thank you to all who responded to my previous post about my mother having a conniption. I had to re-read some of your comments to really understand and accept that my mother does have issues. That is why I have my t. and you guys who can see what I cannot see and tell me upfront.


  1. The devotional you share contains some very wise and difficult thoughts. It is so much easier for us to simply continue even with patterns that aren't healthy or that harm us rather than trying to change them. So I wish you luck in this, and know that God will give you the strength to manage it. Such a brave yet difficult thing to do!

  2. great stuff...working with the families i do i have to put a lot of boundaries in place with/for them...ugh...lots of work...

  3. Have you or are you reading Boundaries by Townson and Cloud, if not check it out. There are even workbooks in the set.
    Stand above all stand:)
    Conciser the weakness and the WHY of how she is as you set your limits hoping to perhaps make it a bit easier for her to respond. Not co-dep but kind slippery slope

  4. I am going to start praying for you mother as well as you. I hope you find a solution though prayer and the courage to ask your mother to let go. Does she do that to your brother? I know he lives away from you.

    Could you just make a statement like "Mother, I am going to play tennis and there is no need to worry about me." If she says it again, then repeat the statement.

    Sometimes, I wonder if this over concern by you mother relates to the abuse you suffered at your brother's hands. Perhaps, she really knew what was going on and now in some feeble attempt she is trying to make up for not helping you when you were young?

    I like symbolism a lot. Get an apron and tell her you are cutting the apron strings. Does your mother live in Christ? YOu could approach it from a Bible scripture. Children are a gift from God on loan to a parent for only a little time.

    Letting go of her irrational fear will be hard for your mother. Just don't play into it. Be strong.

    Keep the faith and know that it is the trials that purify us and make us stronger.

    Love you,

  5. First of all, though I have been coming here for a while, if you are getting some help without any reservation to tell a therapist about the innermost feelings you've been keeping, that's a lot of courage right there. I pray that your mom will have an open heart and mind to the things you need to tell her. May His divine wisdom guide you and may He protect you in everything that you do. Have a great weekend.

  6. Good luck with the boundary setting. I have 100% confidence in you. But remember that you are not responsible for your mother's feelings. You already recognize that she will not like this boundary, but that's her problem, not yours. I think sometimes we like to protect others, especially those that are close to us.

    Stay strong, JBR. You're doing great!

    Wishing you well,

  7. I know this must be difficult for you, JBR. Keep your chin up and know that you have a lot of prayer support! Maybe with a little time your mother will notice the positive changes in you and will take steps herself to get over her own fears. After all, it's never too late for someone to change. If you are firm it may make her take a step back and look at herself. Good luck, JBR!

  8. Good luck on working this out with your Mom. Be praying for ya!!

  9. Good luck and you know that may cause it to get worse before it gets better. Hang on. sandie