FLACK FROM SETTING BOUNDARIES

In t. yesterday we talked mainly about my mother's irrational fears and how all these years I gave into them. As I knew no better. After realizing just how much fear has played in my life, I am astounded. Fear ruled my teenage and adult years. I lived through my mother who is so controlling and fearful, fear seemed normal to me. Fear has been my constant companion.

In the next coming days, weeks or whenever, I will be setting a BIG boundary with my mother. Not looking forward at all to the confrontation and what may result there from.

I believe the other day's incident with the frantic phone calls to me because it was after dark and I did not call her was the "second" to last straw.

I am at a point now that enough is enough. I am tired of having to lie about doing something and I would not be available in order to not have to call her a particular day. I just need the courage to stand up to my fears. God will provided this I know. But, I know without a doubt this confrontation will go down. No doubt! And believe it or not, it is the fearing of the unknown that I fear. The rejection. Due to not having really stood up to my mother the way I am going to have to. Sure, I had my share of milestones these past couple of years. Praise God! Setting some good boundaries which I have grown tremendously from, but what is coming next will be the ultimate.

The devotional below shares what I am going through and certainly what more I can expect from setting boundaries. Some of you may also be experiencing or have experienced the same. If so, may you be encouraged:

We need to know how far we'll go, and how far we'll allow others to go with us. Once we understand this, we can go anywhere. — Beyond Codependency

When we own our power to take care of ourselves - set a boundary, say no, and change an old pattern - we may get flack from some people. That's okay. We don't have to let their reactions control us, stop us, or influence our decision to take care of ourselves.

We don't have to control their reactions to our process of self-care. That is not our responsibility. We don't have to expect them not to react either.

People will react when we do things differently or take assertive action to nurture ourselves, particularly if our decision in some way affects them. Let them have their feelings. Let them have their reactions. But continue on your course anyway.

If people are used to us behaving in a certain way, they'll attempt to convince us to stay that way to avoid changing the system. If people are used to us saying yes all the time, they may start mumbling and murmuring when we say no. If people are used to us taking care of their responsibilities, feelings, and problems, they may give us some flack when we stop. That's normal. We can learn to live with a little flack in the name of healthy self-care. Not abuse, mind you flack.

If people are used to controlling us through guilt, bullying, and badgering, they may intensify their efforts when we change and refuse to be controlled. That's okay. That's flack too.

We don't have to let flack pull us back into old ways if we've decided we want and need to change. We don't have to react to flack or give it much attention. It doesn't deserve it. It will die down.

Today, I will disregard any flack I receive for changing my behaviors or making other efforts to be myself.

Hazelden Foundation

By the way, thank you to all who responded to my previous post about my mother having a conniption. I had to re-read some of your comments to really understand and accept that my mother does have issues. That is why I have my t. and you guys who can see what I cannot see and tell me upfront.