"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Friday, November 19, 2010


I have been having what I call, "My Dark Days." A type of "Grieving." "What once was lost."

I have NOT had this 'intense' feeling in a long time. Started yesterday. I had a brief dark days a few weeks back. Not as severe.

It is not like the oppression I normally feel. The change of weather (Fall, cooler) brings on the dark days for me.

For some reason my mind gets flooded with a lot of memories from the past when this occurrence happens. Not necessarily always bad memories. But it is like my mind gets overload with one memory after another. Memories that pop in my head that I have never thought about in ages and "wham" there they are. I have to chuckle at times thinking, "why on earth am I bringing this non-sense of a memory up?" What is the purpose?

I do feel very oppressed and depressed at this time as well and tear up more. My body in a way goes on "pause" becomes lethargic. I am able to function in the world, but I feel like I am glazed over. And am screaming in the inside!

Anyway..... I have always struggled with this occurrence through out my life. But know, in time this too will pass.

Lord I count on You to take me through this episode of dark days. Lord You are my Strength. You are my Hope!


  1. Hoping for strength for you this weekend!!! Hugs JBR!

  2. Scientific world does say that a gloomy weather like winter seem to aid with people feeling depressed, sad, blue...

    Like what Martin Luther said,"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that," so is our great need to turn to His Light and Love. God bless and have a great weekend JBR. Praying for His light and love to surround you.

  3. Can relate to that.Out of the blue tears would flow.Deep engulfing sadness for what has been.When I was sure I have forgotten ,it will come rushing back just because the weather was gloomy.

    But it will indeed pass.In time .

  4. JBR, it happens to me as well.Just out of the blue it hits and KABLAM! Throws me off kilter, but I do know that this too shall pass.

    For me the holidays really remind me of all of the sad and horrible times from my chilhood. The last two Christmases I have been so despondant and depressed. That was enough to get me back in therapy. I thank God for the difference He has made in my life.

    It makes no sense why we would become melancholy. SOmetimes it is music that triggers it, sometimes the dark and grey weather. Like you, I don't want to be reminded of this pain. I thought I had already dealt with it.

    So my friend, just stay in a good place with out Father. He knows what is happening and watches out for you. I have had to miss therapy for three weeks and it has been hard to stay a float.

    I keep saying the Serenity Prayer. I will keep you in my prayers as always. I hope you can feel all the prayers for you from all of your friends. Big Hugs!

    Peace and love to you,

  5. The third paragraph is just stay in a good place with our Father. Sorry my brain is in a fog.


  6. I pray that you find some light. sandie

  7. ((JBR))...No matter what everyone says, no matter how many time we dwell in our dark realm...we will come back to it again. Perhaps one day we will stop...or there will be a sense of "something"...in my case security, love...and maybe one or two more "things". I cannot tell you...how impossible it feels, to remember...that we already are survivors...and for some reason, it seems like an endless mission, that never ends...this struggle...shakes even the strongest of us. Take your time...and please just let something..even your tears, remind you...that you never been...and never will be..alone.
    And thanks for stopping by...God Bless You.

  8. For too long, we've stood in the background, attending to the needs of others and claiming we have no needs of our own. We've shut off, for to long, the part of us that longs to be nurtured. ...

    I'm must bawling...read the above post..put on hillsong to listen and than started reading this post. I connected with your above post,,than when I read all this, and especially the part I copied, that did me in,,tears began..

    I'm in a place where you are also right now..that dark season...lots of changes are happening in my life and I'm extrememly emotional, memories like you mention also pop in my head...some good, some funny, some filled with sorrow for me and hurt...working through it so I don't get stuck in it, or be filled with so much anger towards others that I turn away from the healing that God has been doing in my life...sigh.....God brings me here to have some godly counsel and a counselling session,,lol and cry too..((Hugs)) Now that your getting comfortable with it, I gave you just a little one sis...ok,,gotta go,,I'm crying again and need to really spend some time with the Lord and soak in what I learned in these two posts.

  9. I can relate to your words here...I have a lot of memories that I have blocked out and it seems during this time of the year when we don't see the sun as much and it's cold outside, it's prime conditions for feeling pulled down and these memories come back to me. I hope you know you are not alone. ((((JBR))))))

  10. JBR may you find ever lasting comfort in the arms of the savior. May your dark days end soon. God Bless.

  11. Yes you have the answer! when we have dark days, the Lord is our strength.

  12. Thanking the Lord
    for how far He has brought you
    and trusting Him to RESTORE to you
    everything lost....in a way that
    only His genius can fathom.
    To restore and replenish fully.
    Joy to you, JBR.
    It's coming.
    It's coming:)

  13. (((JBR))) Blessings to you, dear one.

  14. I know why those memories pop out of nowhere. You know who is reminding you of some of the things as well.

    Just as I battled yesterday, I know that God will bring you THROUGH to the other side.

    Though it may be dark and cool outside, the Creator of the Universe has His Spirit within you. He is more than able to break off this cyclical pattern and I pray He will. No more dark days of fall/winter. I pray His light will shine through the clouds.


    I wish we lived near one another!

  15. praying for strength for you during this time...

  16. sending you lots of positive vibes...for me, music often lifts my spirits.

    hope you will see lighter days ahead. one love.

  17. JBR, so sorry for you going through such a valley. Love form my heart to yours!

  18. JBR, glad to read that tehse severs "lows" are getting rare. I found with them becoming less frequently I struggled harder as I just didnt want to experience them again. Grrrrrrr. please dont give up hope. Please count all what you have overcome. How much you have achieved and accomplished.Hold on to that. Hugs

  19. Dear JBR, I am thinking of you and praying for you during this dark time. God bless you and fill your soul with light and life!

  20. Hang in there JBR, these Dark Days are numbered.

    The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
    He makes me lie down in green pastures,
    he leads me beside quiet waters,
    he restores my soul. Psalm 23:1-3

    God bless

  21. I know all too well how hard the fall/winter months are. Darker days (literally), holidays (and with it family that generally brings out more painful things rather than pleasant) all on top of everything we process on a daily basis. Praying for the loving hand of God to guide you out of the darkness and back in the light.

  22. I thought I had commented here before,,I guess I just read and left my 'comments' to the Lord...

    I am able to function in the world, but I feel like I am glazed over. And am screaming in the inside!

    That's me...

    Memories that pop in my head that I have never thought about in ages and "wham" there they are.

    That's me.....

  23. JBR,
    Have you ever thought of the condition called SAD that people get in the fall/winter? It's very common.
    Just a thought I had reading this.