Thank you to all who responded to my last post.
These past few days have been hard for me. Processing and crying out to God.
Part of my struggle was last night. I was committed to go with my mum to her annual office Christmas Party. I cannot tell you how much I did NOT WANT TO GO!!! I was so negative and resentful about having to sit through four hours with people I do not even work with. Listening to conversations that totally bore the living-day-lights out of me along with slimy jokes and put on a "pretend I am having a good time mask." Only good thing was the meal. I prayed ahead of time that I would have favor. By the Grace of God I managed to get through the evening.
Even before us going to the party, my mum left two panicking phone messages for me because I did not arrive "right on time to pick her up." (Grant it we were not going to leave until another 30 minutes) And when I walked in I was greeted with tears in her eyes, "Oh thank God you're alive!" Her hand clutching her chest. I said, "what are you talking about?" Her reply, "You did not come on time?" I said, "On time? I just got out of work. I had to change and then I just came over." I then said, "I am not taking this guilt you are trying to lay on me." Her normal response was, "I can't help it! I worry about you." I then said, "that is your problem."
So that is how we started our evening out. The usual. Her worrying about something and always thinking the worst.
My t. and I discussed beforehand that I try and go with a positive attitude to at least survive the evening.
My mum, who did not feel pain after having her fourth glass of Chardonnay even stood up at one point and told one of her off-color jokes to about 40 people that attended. I was feeling pretty confident at one point early on too (after a drink) and turned to my mum and said, "I am not attending the Christmas Eve service at church with you this year." By now she was feeling pretty good herself and said, "Oh no? Why not?" I proceeded to tell her that I had other plans. She then said, "but you're coming for Christmas Day right? I said "yes." So that was it....... I thought....
So this morning, when I spoke with her. . . first thing out of her mouth was a snippy statement, "So you're not going to Christmas Eve Service with me, huh?" I said, "correct." Then she replied, "Then you are coming to dinner on Christmas Day." Not asking would I like to, just saying..... "you are coming."
Regardless, I confronted her. Got what I wanted. Set another boundary.
Boundaries are essential, aren't they? I have learned many times to confront with them also. It is freeing and necessary. Oh, these lessons in life!
ReplyDeleteJBR proud of you! Setting boundaries isn't easy. But in time as you gain the freedom you'll see it was worth it in the end. God Bless.
ReplyDeleteJBR: There's a special place in heaven for grown children who accompany their tipsy Moms to office parties!!! Hope you have less stressfull weekend.
ReplyDeleteNot easy sometimes...But by His strength and grace, you can! Blessings.
ReplyDeleteSounds like setting boundaries with your mom is really hard. You did a great job JBR. Proud of you.
ReplyDeleteWell done, you.
ReplyDeleteI think setting those boundaries
may be like putting up a 120 acre fence
by hand.
It's one peg and shovelfull
at a time.
Don't give up.
It's forward motion.
-Jennifer
I think speaking one's mind is not as easy as it looks.I'm glad you've stand your ground.When the time comes when your mom learns to let you grow up and trust you ,then things might go smoother between you and your mom.Hope that comes,soon.
ReplyDeleteHappy weekends!!
Wow! Way to go, JBR! You really stood up for yourself and set some really good boundaries. I'm proud. Are you? :)
ReplyDeleteWishing you well,
NOS
Wow! you really set some healthy boundaries with you mom. I am so proud of you, JBR.
ReplyDeleteYour mom sounds like a nervous worrier. I still say she is the one with the problem.
I agree that there is a special place in heaven for you for going with your mom to her office party.
This was the first year that we did not go to Hubs' Christmas party. It felt good not to go.
Love you,
Pam
oh girl she is a piece of work!
ReplyDeleteI find setting boundaries especially with my family hard. Good job in setting one and sticking to it.
ReplyDeletegood job setting those boundaries...seems like you set quite a few through out this post...and that is always good...
ReplyDeleteI agree! Good job, JBR! :) You came out, lived and breathed 4 hours through the party AND made a statement! I am proud of you! :) Good girl! Speak up more often.
ReplyDeleteSeriously I think our family is related girl!! My goodness gracious, it just blows me away.
ReplyDeleteI was on the phone just yesterday with my mom and we were discussing my son who just got his license. My brother allowed my son to take out his brand new car to a semi formal.
My mother proceeds to tell me that my father paced the entire night (who just happened to have a complete knee replacement surgery last week) at home, worried sick about 'a call that might come it'.
My mother asked him why he was so worried and agitated about something that may not even happen.
When we were talking on the phone, memories of my life, of my dad's behavior, my aunt's behavior (his sister), my grandmother...this was my life.
"Her normal response was, "I can't help it! I worry about you." On top of this response I would get from them was..'if I didn't worry, it meant I didn't love you"..I would say..'it's not healthy to worry, that doesn't show love'.
It's been a work in progress these last two years of letting go for myself the tendency to behave and think like them. In the beginning it was REALLY hard,,such a battle of my mind and even on my flesh (I would make myself physically sick because of that anxiety and worry and obsessive negative thinking)..
Like physical exercise, the more we do it, the stronger we become..so I'm getting stronger...mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically..
You know this is like my therapy session when I come here girl..((hugs)) Love you and thank God for you.
Good for you on setting the boundaries with your mom...that's harder to do then said...especially with people we are related to! ((((JBR))))
ReplyDeleteI know how hard it is to set boundaries - still working on that myself. Sandie
ReplyDelete