"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Monday, December 13, 2010


I do not know where I am getting the inspiration or desire to blog all of a sudden.... but glad that I can. So I will seize the moment as I can quickly turn the other way emotionally and lose the desire all of a sudden. Not good.

While in recovery, these past two years I have never shared so much personal pain with anyone in my life as I have. Only because in the past I was in denial and so fearful. I felt I could not relate. Had no friends. No self worth. I was scared to death to share anything about me for fear of being shamed, judged and criticized. I have opened up somewhat to a couple of individuals I can trust. But, not to the extent that I share with my t.

And even after a couple of years, deep pain continues to surface in my sessions. Painful issues to me that I would not think important only because I had become immune to the hurt, but in actuality is important. A part of me that feels normal, but really is not. Emotional issues still being brought to light. To work on and be set free from.

I have become more willing to let God heal my broken areas. More willing to trust.

And it is true, as the devotional says, "it becomes freeing to know there are others who share my same fears." I am not alone. We can learn and benefit from one another's journey.

I am on a quest to becoming more "set free" come next year. Slowly but surely I am getting there:

"There were deep secrets, hidden in my heart, never said for fear others would scoff or sneer. At last I can reveal my sufferings, for the strength I once felt in silence has lost all its power." — Deidra Sarault

There is magic in sharing ourselves with someone else. We learn from Steps Four and Five that what we thought were heinous acts are not unusual. Our shameful acts are not unique, and this discovery is our gift when we risk exposure.

Realizing how much we are like others gives us strength, and the program paves the way for us to capture that strength whenever and wherever we sense our need. Secrets block us from others and thus from God too. The messages we need to hear, the guidance offered by God, can't be received when we close ourselves off from the caring persons in our lives. They are the carriers of God's message.

How freeing to know we share the same fears, the same worries. Offering our story to someone else may be the very encouragement she needs at this time. Each of us profits from the sharing of a story. We need to recognize and celebrate our "sameness." When we share ourselves, we are bonded. Bonding combines our strength.

Silence divides us. It diminishes our strength. Yet all the strength we need awaits us. I will let someone else know me today.

Hazelden Foundation


  1. Thank you for sharing this beauty from your heart!!! I at times get so fearful that I shake all over!!! One time I got so fearful that I felt when I was lying on the floor that my body was spinning around in circles!!! At times I feel as though everything is going to crash down upon me, but then my Lord Jesus tells me to put my eyes back upon Him, and read His Word!!! This really seems to help me greatly!!! And I decided just to be me, if some don't like who this me is, I no longer care, because at least I know Jesus Christ likes and loves me just the way I am!!! Him and I talk a lot!!! Thank you for letting me share!!!

    God's Blessings to you!!!


  2. Okay, I am crying now. You and me are so similar somewhere. Whenever I'm down and I need an answer, it's right there in your posts. Thanks, JBR. Your strength strengthened my heart today. You're a blessing to have. :)

  3. So glad you're able to come briefly and post somethin' JBR! I pray that you will continue to feel better and gather more and more strength. Take care.

  4. Yes you are getting there JBR! So proud of you. Keep on blogging.

  5. I liked this today. Thanks for sharing. Sandie

  6. That is good news. I pray that you continue to be set FREE! May God continue to help you.

  7. I'm glad you made it through the Christmas party, JBR :) Two hours isn't bad.

    I was thinking as I read this new post about the amazing progress you have made over the past year! You must feel very proud of the work you (and the Lord) have accomplished! God bless you, JBR, as you continue your healing journey.

  8. I totally agree-- you're getting there! You're doing great, JBR. I've seen so much growth in you ever since I started reading this blog.

    Wishing you well,

  9. A day at a time.One can only do so much!I'm glad that you've found the courage to share so much of yourself.Though I can never fully know the depths of your pains,i'm happy that you are trying to face it.

    Hope that every tomorrow bring new strength !

  10. I love your enthusiasm. Keep it up. As the old Allstate commercial goes, "Yout in good hands".

  11. I meant "Your in good hands".

  12. silence divides us...how true...the sleeve of a starbucks cup of coffee right now read.stories are gifts to share...another true statement..and in sharing them we learn to love each other and ourselves.

  13. Dear, dear JBR, you WILL get there. I feel drawn to your open heart and my admiration of you is strong when I read about your journey. I feel as proud of you as if we had been good friends for years. You are fighting to become who you long to be and that is so much more than most people ever even come close to. You are NOT complacent, you are full of action and I really love that. It is inspiring and wonderful.
    God bless.
    Love Colleen
    P.S. I think the devotional book you use is amazing by the way. Very insightful.

  14. JBR God has big plans for you. I just know it. You have a story to tell. God Bless.

  15. I too was in denial and very fearful of what others thought or would think! Being open now only helps so many of us (so thank you!!) but it also helps us to really HEAL!

    I so agree, God has big plans for you!!!!
    Love you!! & Thank you again, for being so REAL and for being our Friend!!!
    BIG HUG,

  16. Great to hear inspiration to blog! You do encourage others...

  17. You are free...you are healed...soar!

  18. I think one of the greatest things I've learned in the past two years is that I'm not alone. And in that I also learned that there is support from fellow travellers. It is good to see how God is continually working in you. Thanks for sharing.

  19. So, so, SO glad for your sharing.
    You are so not alone.