FREEING

I do not know where I am getting the inspiration or desire to blog all of a sudden.... but glad that I can. So I will seize the moment as I can quickly turn the other way emotionally and lose the desire all of a sudden. Not good.

While in recovery, these past two years I have never shared so much personal pain with anyone in my life as I have. Only because in the past I was in denial and so fearful. I felt I could not relate. Had no friends. No self worth. I was scared to death to share anything about me for fear of being shamed, judged and criticized. I have opened up somewhat to a couple of individuals I can trust. But, not to the extent that I share with my t.

And even after a couple of years, deep pain continues to surface in my sessions. Painful issues to me that I would not think important only because I had become immune to the hurt, but in actuality is important. A part of me that feels normal, but really is not. Emotional issues still being brought to light. To work on and be set free from.

I have become more willing to let God heal my broken areas. More willing to trust.

And it is true, as the devotional says, "it becomes freeing to know there are others who share my same fears." I am not alone. We can learn and benefit from one another's journey.

I am on a quest to becoming more "set free" come next year. Slowly but surely I am getting there:


"There were deep secrets, hidden in my heart, never said for fear others would scoff or sneer. At last I can reveal my sufferings, for the strength I once felt in silence has lost all its power." — Deidra Sarault

There is magic in sharing ourselves with someone else. We learn from Steps Four and Five that what we thought were heinous acts are not unusual. Our shameful acts are not unique, and this discovery is our gift when we risk exposure.

Realizing how much we are like others gives us strength, and the program paves the way for us to capture that strength whenever and wherever we sense our need. Secrets block us from others and thus from God too. The messages we need to hear, the guidance offered by God, can't be received when we close ourselves off from the caring persons in our lives. They are the carriers of God's message.

How freeing to know we share the same fears, the same worries. Offering our story to someone else may be the very encouragement she needs at this time. Each of us profits from the sharing of a story. We need to recognize and celebrate our "sameness." When we share ourselves, we are bonded. Bonding combines our strength.

Silence divides us. It diminishes our strength. Yet all the strength we need awaits us. I will let someone else know me today.

Hazelden Foundation