"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010


I grew up in a household riddled with fear by my mum. My dad was not this way. I do not know how he handled her with all her worries. When I became older he would make comments to me that "my mother" was a worrier. So I know he knew.

These past few days, my mum's worries have intensified and she has been trying to put them on me. For the longest time she has been having a dull pain in her side along with other symptoms. It would come and go. She thinks it is her gallbladder. Her last doctors appointment she was told to have a colonoscopy. She does not want to go through that procedure. I know it is not fun.

When she feels any kind of physical pain she goes right to the millions of medical books she has and reads up on her symptoms and then believes she has the problem. Then proceeds to tell me and how worried she is, she is going to die, and that I should be concerned as well. Telling me to keep my cell phone on so I would know if she had to go to the hospital. She is now contemplating going to the doctor to have that procedure done. But, not until after the holidays.

The old JBR wants to rush over to her and worry along side of her. Take the day off from work. I used to do that.

Guilt still settles in with me during these times. "What kind of daughter am I?" "Why am I not responding to her fears?" "It will be my fault if she dies." But, I know I would only be feeding into her fears and mine as well.

She gets angry at me when I say, "have you prayed and given your fears to the Lord." Her reply is, "I can't help it. I am worried." (Hmmmm sounds familiar) I agree with her "yes, I understand you are worried, but you also need to tell God that too and ask that He comfort you."

I used to pray at times with my mum when she would feel very frighten. Only then to hear from her lips still how scared she was and she does not know what to do. I then would think to myself..... "didn't we just pray?" So I really have not prayed with my mum in a very long time because she becomes very negative once again.

This morning when we spoke, she proceeded to tell me she was up all night because she was fearful and that dull pain came back, but now it is gone. I felt led, even though I did not want to, to pray for her. I did. And like clock work she went right back into her fears bringing me along with her unfortunately.

I feel I have been very weak spiritually these past few weeks, so my defenses have been down. But I am glad to say at least, God and I have a plan in this area and I look forward to it.

In the meanwhile.....

After I hung up with her this morning I became fearful more than normal. I quickly fell to my knees and asked God to comfort me. Telling Him that I am listening and that He open my mum's heart to listen as well. I even had to turn most of my lights on in my apt. (still dark outside). I have done this a few times when I feel I am oppressed by the enemy. It is like a very evil heavy cloud. Having the lights on helps and pleading the Blood of Jesus.

I did not plan to go into such a long intro in order to share the devotional below. The "What If's." I do not want to take on the responsibilities of my mum's fears!!!

The last paragraph is very powerful and I am personally praying it today: "Today, I will know that I don't have to worry about anything. If I do worry, I will do it with the understanding that I am choosing to worry, and it is not necessary."

What if we knew for certain that everything we're worried about today will work out fine?

What if . . . we had a guarantee that the problem bothering us would be worked out in the most perfect way, and at the best possible time? Furthermore, what if we knew that three years from now we'd be grateful for that problem, and its solution?

What if . . . we knew that even our worst fear would work out for the best?

What if . . . we had a guarantee that everything that's happening, and has happened, in our life was meant to be, planned just for us, and in our best interest?

What if . . . we had a guarantee that the people we love are experiencing exactly what they need in order to become who they're intended to become? Further, what if we had a guarantee that others can be responsible for themselves, and we don't have to control or take responsibility for them?

What if . . . we knew the future was going to be good, and we would have an abundance of resources and guidance to handle whatever comes our way?

What if . . . we knew everything was okay, and we didn't have to worry about a thing? What would we do then?

We'd be free to let go and enjoy life.

Today, I will know that I don't have to worry about anything. If I do worry, I will do it with the understanding that I am choosing to worry, and it is not necessary.

Hazelden Foundation


  1. Great and thought-provoking post!
    I totally agree with you!
    I tend to worry about anything...and then when the time actually rolls around I either enjoy it and wonder what I was worried about or at the very least make it through a lot better than I expected.
    Thank you fof sharing this post!
    B xx

  2. JBR, you have done well. Of course the old behaviour flashes and we will go back to it. We lived this way so long. It is the only "normal" we know.
    Your Mum not only worries she tries to control, to blackmail you.Its a tough going for you and for her. Stay true to yourself, selfcare is not selfishness. Keep the focus where it belongs - on you.
    I just went through a very bad patch because I compromised and the drama returned. I dont often know my way, however each time I fall back into former behaviour I realise that I do not want to live there anymore. That keeps me going even on extremely bad days. You have achieved so much, you are so on your way to become yourself. You go girl. Love xx

  3. JBR good for you. I'm proud of you. You've faced your battles head on. You're finding more inner strength in you than I bet you believe. God Bless.

  4. I imagine that this is very difficult with your Mum...as an outsider you can see all of this but she is way too close to see or even understand. It almost sounds like worrying is a habit or similar to an addiction for her. People that worry like this do it without thinking...it's almost like their safety net.

    I pray for her and you as well...a very fitting devotional for this situation. Bless you JBR and I pray that you will feel a peace that surrpasses all understanding. XX

  5. Thank you Betty, Paula, on the way and Lori. Lori I like what you said, about her worrying is a habit and becomes a safety net. She knows no other way.

  6. Grew up with a g-grandmother who always thought she was dying. Sigh. She didn't want reassurance, she wanted attention. There is a difference. Probably why your Mom is not being reassured by prayer.

  7. I just don't get your mom. You hang in there JBR.

  8. JBR,
    You handled it the right way by praying about it. There is not very much you can do about her fears besides praying and asking her to pray. I will pray for her, too. It's hard to live a life of fear. I know you feel guilty sometimes but you are a separate person from her and cannot take on her fears. That's the Holy Spirit's work. God bless you my friend! Be kind but firm :)

  9. You remind me very much of my own mother in this post. She struggles with the same sort of thing with her mother (her mother does the same things, when she has a health issue or concern). I agree with Winny, though, it's about the attention... not reassurance. The worries that your mom chooses to wrap her life in are not your fault. You should not feel guilty for refusing to participate in her worry fantasies. Continue to pray for her, and to gently remind her that the Lord provides shelter for us.

    This devotional is just perfect. Thank you so much for sharing it. I have such a hard time with anxiety and the "what-if's." I'm going to print this out and put it on my desk... and send it to my mom.

    JBR, I know that you probably feel so tired, but you're growing stronger in the Lord each day. His light shines through in your posts, and it's beautiful to see. Blessings, dear one.

  10. I tend to worry way to much!! I know I need to just let go and let God but it is very hard sometimes!

  11. It is hard to try to change a worrier. I am so sorry you have to deal with that.


  12. HOLY cow, did I ever need this just now!!!!!!
    THANK you for this post!
    I am going to soak in this for a while
    ....we were definitely cut from the same cloth.
    I was born into fear.
    And I can SO relate.
    Those words felt like a steak
    to my anemic soul.
    Love and huge hugs,

  13. Wonderful post JBR, you really have seen the truth in your Mum's behaviour and have been strong and resisted her negativity. Her worrying is HER issue, not yours. Good for you, and thanks for sharing xx

  14. JBR, this was awesome!! I'm sure God is doing the best for your Mum and for you. I even think that He is proud of you for knowing that He means well. :)