FEARS

I grew up in a household riddled with fear by my mum. My dad was not this way. I do not know how he handled her with all her worries. When I became older he would make comments to me that "my mother" was a worrier. So I know he knew.

These past few days, my mum's worries have intensified and she has been trying to put them on me. For the longest time she has been having a dull pain in her side along with other symptoms. It would come and go. She thinks it is her gallbladder. Her last doctors appointment she was told to have a colonoscopy. She does not want to go through that procedure. I know it is not fun.

When she feels any kind of physical pain she goes right to the millions of medical books she has and reads up on her symptoms and then believes she has the problem. Then proceeds to tell me and how worried she is, she is going to die, and that I should be concerned as well. Telling me to keep my cell phone on so I would know if she had to go to the hospital. She is now contemplating going to the doctor to have that procedure done. But, not until after the holidays.

The old JBR wants to rush over to her and worry along side of her. Take the day off from work. I used to do that.

Guilt still settles in with me during these times. "What kind of daughter am I?" "Why am I not responding to her fears?" "It will be my fault if she dies." But, I know I would only be feeding into her fears and mine as well.

She gets angry at me when I say, "have you prayed and given your fears to the Lord." Her reply is, "I can't help it. I am worried." (Hmmmm sounds familiar) I agree with her "yes, I understand you are worried, but you also need to tell God that too and ask that He comfort you."

I used to pray at times with my mum when she would feel very frighten. Only then to hear from her lips still how scared she was and she does not know what to do. I then would think to myself..... "didn't we just pray?" So I really have not prayed with my mum in a very long time because she becomes very negative once again.

This morning when we spoke, she proceeded to tell me she was up all night because she was fearful and that dull pain came back, but now it is gone. I felt led, even though I did not want to, to pray for her. I did. And like clock work she went right back into her fears bringing me along with her unfortunately.

I feel I have been very weak spiritually these past few weeks, so my defenses have been down. But I am glad to say at least, God and I have a plan in this area and I look forward to it.

In the meanwhile.....

After I hung up with her this morning I became fearful more than normal. I quickly fell to my knees and asked God to comfort me. Telling Him that I am listening and that He open my mum's heart to listen as well. I even had to turn most of my lights on in my apt. (still dark outside). I have done this a few times when I feel I am oppressed by the enemy. It is like a very evil heavy cloud. Having the lights on helps and pleading the Blood of Jesus.

I did not plan to go into such a long intro in order to share the devotional below. The "What If's." I do not want to take on the responsibilities of my mum's fears!!!

The last paragraph is very powerful and I am personally praying it today: "Today, I will know that I don't have to worry about anything. If I do worry, I will do it with the understanding that I am choosing to worry, and it is not necessary."


What if we knew for certain that everything we're worried about today will work out fine?

What if . . . we had a guarantee that the problem bothering us would be worked out in the most perfect way, and at the best possible time? Furthermore, what if we knew that three years from now we'd be grateful for that problem, and its solution?

What if . . . we knew that even our worst fear would work out for the best?

What if . . . we had a guarantee that everything that's happening, and has happened, in our life was meant to be, planned just for us, and in our best interest?

What if . . . we had a guarantee that the people we love are experiencing exactly what they need in order to become who they're intended to become? Further, what if we had a guarantee that others can be responsible for themselves, and we don't have to control or take responsibility for them?

What if . . . we knew the future was going to be good, and we would have an abundance of resources and guidance to handle whatever comes our way?

What if . . . we knew everything was okay, and we didn't have to worry about a thing? What would we do then?

We'd be free to let go and enjoy life.

Today, I will know that I don't have to worry about anything. If I do worry, I will do it with the understanding that I am choosing to worry, and it is not necessary.

Hazelden Foundation