"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Thursday, December 30, 2010


I was a poor student in school. Knowing now my upbringing, shame, guilt and lack of self worth had a lot to do with it. Most of the time I was in my la-la land to stuff my emotional pain deep inside. My attention span was none. Something out of the ordinary to this day really has to interest me to keep me interested.

I was placed in remedial everything. From reading, history, science, math, English. Only class I excelled in was gym. Most of the time I did not do my homework. Or I copied or cheated (sad to say) from someone. Was hard for me to discipline myself. I was a very sad and depressed teenager. I struggled just to get by and having to deal with what awaited at home daily. A house full of depression and pain where no one talked. Had no friends. A life of isolation. I barely squeaked by graduating high school, right down to that last moment when one of my classes with a grade of D was finally accepted enough for me to receive my High School Diploma.

Life is full of struggles....

Until we learn to stop struggling, the situations we are dealing with will remain. Until we finish the homework, the lessons will be there. If we can keep in mind the purpose of our struggles in life is for us to grow and to make a better us and that we have the best Tutor who is more powerful than us to help us along then no problem will be too much for us to handle.

The struggles that keep popping up we learn in the devotional below are not really new. Just another aspect of them. The tears and emotional turmoil I am experiencing while I type this post stirring up some bad memories, is just another form of a struggle that I need to work through on my journey:

No struggle we have is really new. It's another shade of the struggle that plagued us last week or perhaps last year. And we'll stumble again and again until we learn to quit struggling. The trying situations at work, or the personality type that irritates us, will always exist. But when we've come to accept as good and growth-enhancing all situations and all persons, we'll sense the subtle absence of struggle. We'll realize that the person we couldn't tolerate has become a friend. The situation we couldn't handle is resolved, forever.

The lessons we need to learn keep presenting themselves, until we've finished the homework. If we sense a struggle today, we can look at it as an assignment, one that is meant for our growth. We can remember that our struggles represent our opportunities to grow. Fortunately, the program has given us a tutor. We have a willing teacher to help us. We need to move on, to be open to other assignments. No problem will be too much for us to handle.

I will enjoy my role as student today. I will be grateful for all opportunities to grow. They make possible my very special contribution in this life.

Hazelden Foundation


  1. I learnt something new from you again, JBR! Cheers to your spirit!

  2. JBR I like how you worded this post. I can't believe that you were such a poor student in school. Your writings are inspiring and your thoughts are put down plainly. I've enjoyed coming and reading what you share about your struggles in life. May your sorrows be lifted that you're feeling presently. God Bless and Happy new Year.

  3. Another thing we have in commom...I barely graduated from high school...it was a D that insured that I passed the class and thus had my diploma signed...I am sure I was depressed growing up because of the chaos, abuse and alcholic parents...but mostly I spent every single day high as kite from the time I was in 6th grade and all the way through.

    I was just tellimg a friend this same thing about lessons repeating themselves but in different ways...I truly believe God allows us to keep going through things until we get it...often times I've been a slow learner...lol...thank God He is patient with me!


  4. I was very much like you. I don't know how I made it through. There was no one to encourage me so therefore I sure didn't encourage myself. I never challenged myself and still find it hard to do so in some areas..We will overcome JBR and like Lori said thank God He is patient with us..

  5. I had a very hard time in school because my mom kept moving from one place to another. Also there was a lot of fighting going on in the home, to the point that I would try to find a dark place to hide in! But all is forgiven!

    God's Blessings to you!!!

  6. You are an Awesome woman that follows after an AWESOME god, and your precious to me...LOVE your post and, its such a JOY to my heart that God has blessed me with such special ladies like you, visiting my blogs...May God continue to bless you in this New Year as you call on Him~~~Hugs Dena

  7. Why bother I say somet imes. Coming here reading what you';ve have to say jbr always inspires me to go on. To complete my recovery. I've slipped in the past months going back to using. Im' not proud. I feel guilt and God's punishment. My sponsor has helped me to process and I'm on a better road to recovery than ever before. Happy newYear and thanks for keeping the faith.

  8. dammit, then i'm trying to grow at one helluva speed and am just not realising it... you post the most eye-opening things, thank you!


  10. It's understandable that you would not be able to focus on school when you were growing up. You had so many difficult things to cope with. But you are clearly a smart lady, which just goes to show that formal education is only supplementary to emotional intelligence and common sense.

    Happy new year, JBR! I hope 2011 is the best year yet.

    Wishing you well,

  11. There has never been a truer statement than you made here..."life is full of struggles"! Ain't that the truth!!! However, as you've also stated, life is a journey and it has ups and downs. I'm just glad that there are people in the world like you that are willing to share your struggles with others and thereby helping them along on their journey!
    While our experiences in life are not the same, I had a very similar relationship with my mother (she is deceased now). I see progress with how you deal with her....wish I could have made that same progress with my mom. Up until her dying day...she was manipulating me! Now that she is gone, I see her life with different eyes and I realize that although I loved her very much....I didn't really like her. Anyway...I just wanted you to know that as 2010 draws to a close...I appreciate you and your blog! Thank you for allowing me into your life!

  12. I had some of those very same struggles as a child...there will always be new trials to face but,when I let go and let God...they are so much easier to handle....I am learning more and more that I can't fix anyone or any problem but,I certainly know the one who can! Many many blessings on your New year....Shelley

  13. Happy New Year to you JBR. Strawberry

  14. beautifully written.. I definitely learned something.. My homework this new year is fixing myself

  15. So much restoration happening
    ...it's just gonna blow your mind!
    Hope this next year finds you giddy
    over happy surprises
    more often than you've been
    in the past.
    Just a year with many sprinkles on top:)
    I'm asking!

  16. that is so true. i tell my children that if they
    struggle with the pain that comes their way,
    it only makes things worse like in quicksand.

    often, if we lean instead into the pain with
    the Lord's help, it seems to diminish.

    i pray that this year brings you joy to outmatch
    any sorrow.


  17. I know that you have gained so much ground JBR. You are coming to the time when you stand on your own truth, not having to explain every detail of why you have come to this place. Even those in your family are going to see by your tall straight posture, that you are not cowering or apologizing, but simply being who you now have become. You are JBR... not another person's version of who they think you are. You are God's precious child, and He means for you to enjoy all the birth rights of being His chosen one.

    Keep going girl... you're doing fine.

    New Year hugs!