Well God provided the opportunity this morning for me to be the first to say “hello.” As much as I felt forced to, I still did it. Did NOT want to!! And like clockwork and what I expected from her was like a lion jumping on its prey. She just started babbling and yapping at me. I have no clue what she said, as it is was nonsense. Just an attention getter. Then I said, "I have to go." Later on she finds me again (which bugged me) and tried again yapping. I walked away saying I have to work. I HATE BEING PUT THROUGH THIS TRIAL!
I am really fighting with God this morning.
Fighting with Him for what He wants me to do with regards to a co-worker that I go out of my way to ignore and not even acknowledge them. They have not done a thing to me. But their personality and what they represent "in my eyes" irks and turns me off. The sight of them triggers repulse.
Since Monday, the Holy Spirit has been prompting me to be the first to say "hello" to them. They constantly go out of their way if they see me (which I could be all the way down the hall) and yell to me "Good morning or hello." This freaks me out and angers me even more!
I have avoided for the past year looking at them, being in their presence and talking to them. But, God continues to "put her" in my way. Encounters in the hallways, bathroom, stairwells, everywhere. The encounters have increased lately. So, I know He means business for me to let go and trust Him and the time is now to break free and then be able to move on to the next step He has for me in my life.
I even had the opportunity to of said "hi" yesterday to her first, but I refused. I said NO NO NO God!!
She is an individual that seeks attention and will try and get it any way she can. That is probably the main reason why I have difficulty in accepting her for who she is. She is a user. I was and can still be a user. Something I Do Not Like In Myself. I do not want her to get in my space and think we can be buddy-buddy now.
But, I believe now I am strong enough that I can set those boundaries and at least give her a "hi" and then tell her to back off (nicely) when she begins to try and suck the life out of me for her needs.
So, today is a new day. I DO NOT WANT TO DO WHAT THE SPIRIT IS ASKING OF ME! But, at the same time, I know if I do, freedom awaits.
Whether the encounter happens today or in the days coming.... God Give Me The Strength and boldness to do this.
I am not a happy camper right now. I do NOT want to go through with this first step. This is going to have to be All Of You God, because I cannot do this alone. I do not want to be friendly! But, Lord I will obey the prompting of the Spirit. May not like it at first. But, I am trusting You that You have my best interest in mind!
I am new..and have the same feelings about certain people..I think God must have sent me here because I can feel your pain and tears are steaming down my eyes..I just talk with my husband about the people that cause me to feel bad inside when I am around them..Thank you for posting this and helping me to know that I am not alone in these feelings..I don't know what to do about it either. Perhaps we can help each other get past the pain of accepting people that want to reject us.. I am not sure on how to post this..so I will remain Anonymous..or you can call me canarie..as my nickname.
ReplyDeleteCanarie, appreciate so much your comment here and your honesty. LIke your name. I know in life there will be people that do not like us and people that we do not like. For me, I have a God, who created us and understands our struggles and who is very patient with us. I am relying on Him to help me in this area. I still have to do my part, but He will do what I cannot do. He comforts, He encouarges and He advises.....if we are willing. Thank you again for your comment, and I am glad that you found me as well. Blessings.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard but what's great with Him, He doesn't force us. He wants our initiative. Our willingness. And I know it's not easy. Been there, too. But if you are a willing vessel, it's awesome when He is glorified through you.
ReplyDeleteI pray that you will have His strength and may He continue to guide you, give you discernment and protect you. Have a great day JBR!
Rosel, thank you for your kind words of encouargement. Yes, if we are willing vessels He can do great things! Wow, just that concept alone baffles the mind! Blessings.
ReplyDeleteGod is patient with us. Gives us time to work through the emotions, but seems like the best results happen when we obey Him.
ReplyDeleteWanda, thank God He is patient.
ReplyDeleteI WAS NOT ABLE TO SAY 'HI' THIS MORNING FIRST, BECAUSE SHE DID WHAT SHE DOES BEST SCREAMS TO ME DOWN THE HALL.....
Anyway besides her PPP is acting up and being snotty. So I have that one to contend with as well.
JBR: Hoping you are able to say HI and remain unsucked into the vortex of her need to use other people! God is your anchor!
ReplyDeleteI know someone whom I feel the very same way about. She too 'goes' out of their way to try and 'pull me in' and it took be years to 'ignore' her, because that is not my nature. However I had to. I wonder if I too am suppose to learn how to set those boundaries, etc. I tried to in the past, but I wasn't strong enough yet. I think I am now... but oh how I don't want any contact with her again... ever! She was so evil and self absorbed in the past and I doubt she has changed.
ReplyDeleteWow, you sure gave me a lot to think & pray about today! Thank you once again my friend!!!!
Love ya!
Blessings & Big Hug,
Coreen
Maybe you should say hi. You never know. Maybe God is trying to give you a new friend. :o)
ReplyDeleteThere's something that has always been helpful to me in these situations. When you address your co-worker try to imagine yourself speaking to Jesus inside of her. This makes it a lot easier! God bless you, JBR. I know you can do it!
ReplyDeleteI sometimes ignore the Lord at first, too. It's a good thing He's patient :)
JBR in reading your comments; there will be other days to try and beat your coworker to the punch. You can still reply hello when she does say it to you first. God Bless.
ReplyDeleteYou need to be patient with yourself too! sandie
ReplyDeleteSometimes your comments and descriptions make me smile, JBR! I think for all of us, there is 'that person' who it is so hard to just be kind to, even when we know full well what Jesus would do and have us do... they just rub us the wrong way.
ReplyDeleteUsually, that's exactly where He wants me to do it His way! He's like that, isn't He?? He always knows when 'that' person is around me, that I need His grace in a deeper way, and aren't we so glad He will provide it!
Hugs sister, you're on to something here!
Good to hear from you. Thanks for visiting my blog. I know you are touching lives with your life. That's the way the Lord does it! Blessings to you!
ReplyDeleteGod will give you the strength but I do know it is so hard to take that first step. For me knowing when to tell someone to back off would be the hard part. But I can see how God has been working in you in establishing boundaries. His grace is awesome!
ReplyDeleteLove your honesty JBR. It can be a fight to obey the Lord at times but as long as there is a struggle, you can be certain that progress is being made. You're not been completely governed by the flesh.
ReplyDeleteJBR, I know to well what you are talking about and know well how hard it can be. However the stronger I react to a certain behavious of someone I know it has to do with me. It is not just hard and even knowing taht freedom waits doesnt change the fact that I sometimes fear losing myself again. I truly think that is just "normal" from where we come from! Love from my heart to yours. When you are truly ready you will do what is neceassry to come your freedom closer.
ReplyDelete((JBR)) No thanks needed dear one...
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to hear your success in this, and any other battle in ahead of you.
I failed at this myself just two Sunday's ago. I came face to face with someone who has been shredding my husband with his tongue. Did I speak or wave? NO. Immediately I was asking forgiveness, but I just couldn't make myself acknowledge that guy.
ReplyDeleteSigh. It is hard. You and I have this in common. I feel like a fake when I appear to embrace someone who I'd rather not be around.
(((hugs)))
oh you got to love it when you are prompted to do things you dont want to do...usually they are things i need to do...and once i do them life is so much better...so be strong...
ReplyDeleteHigh five, my friend! I knew you would do it! And you are a lot quicker than I at obeying ;)
ReplyDeleteOkay, sometimes the medicine is bitter....but effective :)