I am learning to face my fears from the past with God's help and individuals He has put in my path that I can trust.
Today I was put to the test to REALLY nurture little JBR. Out of the almost 4 years I have been working for the company I work for, today was the second time ever my boss was a bit firm with me. In my absence of last week an incident came up where if I was more diligent in a certain area of my job, she would not have gone through a struggle in rectifying a situation.
Anyway, I first went right into shame and guilt mode. I felt my life was over with. She will reject me. I will be fired. Then I had to change my thinking process. As she was still telling me stuff, I was saying to myself, "it is okay. You will be alright." I had to remind myself I am human. I am NOT perfect!!!! I make mistakes. She is NOT going to reject me. Little JBR does not need to beat up on herself.
In the end everything turned out okay. Just a hassle and frustration on my bosses part. Which could have been prevented if I did what I was told to do a while back.
Even though little JBR felt she was thrown back some 40 years when mummie would scold her, big JBR showed some improvement and took care of the little one. We were able to get through the day not feeling as much shame, guilt and condemnation as we have in the past about ourselves. Big JBR accepted responsibility and did not blame the little one as much. Although we did have our moments. But, we are improving.
Hi JBR,
ReplyDeleteI am new here. I have seen you comment on Lon's blog and thought I would come over and say hi.
I feel so much pain and suffering from you. I will be holding you up in prayer.
Taking critisism isn't easy and it sure isn't easy for someone who has had a rough life. I really think you handled this very well.
I feel God wants me to tell you that.....you are a flower bud that is starting to bloom. The soil you have been planted in, in the past was acidic but that soil has changed. You are now planted in rich soil, mineral rich soil. The food that is filling you up is good solid food. Your leaves are glowing with a heavenly glow and the flower will open up and when it does you will be one of the finest flowers around. Your colours will be vibrant and many will come to hear your stories and learn from you. You will be solid, solid like a rich cedar tree. Feed, feed on the Word of God and I will fill you up!
God Bless you JBR,
<><
Yaay for little JBR... You are growing so much.
ReplyDeleteAmen to the word given by Child of God. I agree with that wholeheartedly! :)
Blessings and hugs,
Tammy
Hey JBR I hear ya! I have been trying to grow up as well. It is so hard to push past all of the pain at times, but you have to tell yourself that you are human and that you make mistakes and you must just forgive yourself and keep it moving. I am so glad for your progression and I am right along on the journey with you! May God bless and keep us both! :o)
ReplyDeleteBRAVO, JBR!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWay to re-mother yourself
and let the tender acceptance
and gentle love that was there
all along for you
flow TO you and heal some old wounds.
I so relate to what you shared
and feel every word of it.
It is freedom and joy to be able
to screw up and move on with your
lesson learned AND your head held high.
I'm dancing inside over you and for you
right now!!!!!!!!!!!
Joy to you, JBR.
You haven't seen ANYTHING yet compared
to the freedom and joy
you're heading into.
You'll see!
-Jennifer
Taking critism is hard - I am so proud of the way you self talked yourself into feeling better!
ReplyDeletesandie
You have much to be proud of. You changed your thinking, not before or after but during. That would be the hardest of the three. Blessings.
ReplyDeletePraising GOD with you for this monumental progress! GOD BLESS YOU!
ReplyDeleteHugs and prayers,
andrea
PS: Thank you for your visits and comments at arise 2 write. They mean so much to me. You have been a faithful follower despite my absence as of late.
Getting reprimanded always makes me feel like a child too. I hate it, so I do everything I can to please authority figures. But you've made so much progress! I hope you're proud of yourself, because you have a lot to be proud of!
ReplyDeleteWishing you well,
NOS
JBR ~ Praising God for all He is doing in and through you sister!
ReplyDeletegood for you, you did well!!!
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of you! Each step you take away from the false guilt and shame is a step in the right direction. ((((JBR)))
ReplyDeleteI see you getting stronger all the time, and I praise our God for this!!! We can stand strong when our Lord Jesus is right there by our side!!! You are a wonderful sister in Christ Jesus, so don't let any other thought tell you different!!!
ReplyDeleteGod's Blessings to you JBR,
Lon
I'm proud of how you handled it, JBR. I am very, very proud! Keep looking up!
ReplyDeleteWell done, JBR! I agree with Child of God - this was well said!
ReplyDelete