"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Monday, January 24, 2011


False guilt and shame have been my best friend most my life. Having believed what my brother did to me was "my fault" when he sexually abused me around the ages of 8-9 still persists at times. During that same time period, I was trying to cope with my parents alcoholic behaviors, the lack of my father's attention, my mother's controlling issues and their verbal attacks against one another which eventually led up to them divorcing when I was ten. My fault? Ripping our family apart. Ripping my life apart.

No one had answers for what I was going through at the time. Not that I was seeking any. No one helped me process the trauma I was going through. I just swallowed all my emotions and kept them locked up for many years.

I was a very quiet child. To the point of extreme shyness. Many times around report card day, my mother would be called in by some concerned school teacher. My poor grades and lack of attention, drive and discipline reflected what ever was going on inside me that I would not let out.

I was later yelled at by my parents to pay attention and get better grades. Had tutors to no avail. Went to summer school three years in a row in order to get my high school diploma. Having to take classes over and over again. Was driven by guilt and shame and being called stupid.

My mum to this day tries to bestow false guilt and shame on me. She gets angry when I do not respond the way she has been used to me responding. Which was giving in. Complying.

Have not been back to work since last Wednesday. Going back today. A few times I even had to fight false guilt with thinking I was not in pain enough to warrant taking care of myself and not going to work. Even to the point where I fear I will not have a job when I walk in this morning.

What is your guilt? Unfortunately most of my life my friend has been the second one listed below. As you will see and possibly relate as well.

But I have been on the road to turning that around. Having my friend eventually be the first one mentioned below:

Are you in an emotional battle because of guilt? Is your guilt a loving instrument of God used to convict, correct and conform your character when you go astray? Or do you battle feelings of shame and condemnation when guilt strikes a blow to your heart? True guilt is your friend, a godly companion who whispers truth and motivates you to repent and be free. But false guilt is a relentless foe. It is the enemy within that encourages not godly, but superficial sorrow that brings death!

In contrast to Satan’s condemning accusations, the Holy Spirit never condemns true Christians. Romans 8:1 says, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” As a conscientious Father, God sometimes allows you to experience the consequences of your sin as an encouragement to change. But He will also produce in your heart a desire to do His will. (Read Hebrews 12:4-11.)

“For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.” (Philippians 2:13)

Meet two kinds of guilt: One is a friend who speaks truth, gently leading you to repentance and forgiveness. The other is a secret conspirator who taunts and condemns, bringing dishonor and inner shame. False guilt arises when you blame yourself even though you’ve committed no wrong or when you continue to blame yourself after you have confessed and turned from your sin. “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” (1 Peter 5:8)

(Hope For The Hurting Heart)


  1. I can relate to how hard it was for you to try to concentrate and learn with so many emotions in your sweet mind and soul. Sometimes our parents just dont see the mental abuse and confusion it puts on their children. I will have to live with my abuse in my brain forever no matter how hard i try to get it out of my head. It makes me the person i am today so thats a good thing and it makes me a better parent and wife and friend. To break the chain of abuse and know it was my parents that were sick, not me.

  2. Yeah, I know guilt well. I even named this character in my memoir. He's a powerful guy ole Guilt. But he can be beaten :)

  3. false guilt... strange how i was thinking quite a bit about just that this weekend. i did too. still do. although now i know it's false guilt. yet, it still doesn't make me feel guiltless. will it ever totally go away??????

  4. Dear JBR,
    I am so glad you were able to take care of yourself over the weekend. (((JBR)))


  5. Guilt eats me up. I feel I should have been able to stop the sexual abuse as a child. I feel I should have been able to stop an abusive husband, I even feel guilt that my son died. Almost like I must be blamed for all the crap that has happened in my life. I don't think I was good enough to deserve any better. I am so sorry you struggle with this false guilt too, but it seems so real. (((((((JBR)))))))) I care.

  6. Living with false guilt and shame are not enjoyable ways to live life because it taints everything I do. They are life and joy stealers...they continually destroy who we are on the inside and keep us from being fully ourselves.

    I am working very hard to remove them from my life. I hate when they are on my back or the glasses I veiw life through. Now that I am open to recognizing them I am telling them to take a hike and refusing to wear their glasses.

    I pray that all goes well at work today. (((JBR)))

  7. I wish my sister and I could have had some kind of therapy when our parents divorced. Thank goodness I can get therapy now as an adult for it has made all the difference to me.

    Guilt and I go way back. He is not my friend and I am trying to let guilt go.

    Blessings to you,

  8. Is it strange how Satan is constantly accusing us? I feel that way. Guilt seems to be a constant battle?
    ps You have improved so much

  9. Separating myself the child from the adult has helped me deal with what happened in my past. It wasn't until I could see I that I was a child and did this best I could with limited understanding. Now as an adult I can let myself off the hook and realize now no one can take advantage of me without my permission.

  10. JBR: Although I know you love your job, and I love mine - they are just that JOBS. you are much more than your job, and self care has to come first. I have a hard time doing that myself. ((JBR))

  11. I too have been a victim to false guilt many of times, but the thing I must realize is this comes from Satan. So every time I get this false guilt that comes from Satan in my mind, I must replace that thought with a positive thought telling the negative thought to leave in the name of my Lord Jesus.

    God's Blessings to you,


  12. I'm glad you identify your issues, JBR. You're working on each of them beautifully. Keep going. Faith will get you through. :) Have a beautiful day, today!