WHAT IS YOUR GUILT

False guilt and shame have been my best friend most my life. Having believed what my brother did to me was "my fault" when he sexually abused me around the ages of 8-9 still persists at times. During that same time period, I was trying to cope with my parents alcoholic behaviors, the lack of my father's attention, my mother's controlling issues and their verbal attacks against one another which eventually led up to them divorcing when I was ten. My fault? Ripping our family apart. Ripping my life apart.

No one had answers for what I was going through at the time. Not that I was seeking any. No one helped me process the trauma I was going through. I just swallowed all my emotions and kept them locked up for many years.

I was a very quiet child. To the point of extreme shyness. Many times around report card day, my mother would be called in by some concerned school teacher. My poor grades and lack of attention, drive and discipline reflected what ever was going on inside me that I would not let out.

I was later yelled at by my parents to pay attention and get better grades. Had tutors to no avail. Went to summer school three years in a row in order to get my high school diploma. Having to take classes over and over again. Was driven by guilt and shame and being called stupid.

My mum to this day tries to bestow false guilt and shame on me. She gets angry when I do not respond the way she has been used to me responding. Which was giving in. Complying.

Have not been back to work since last Wednesday. Going back today. A few times I even had to fight false guilt with thinking I was not in pain enough to warrant taking care of myself and not going to work. Even to the point where I fear I will not have a job when I walk in this morning.

What is your guilt? Unfortunately most of my life my friend has been the second one listed below. As you will see and possibly relate as well.

But I have been on the road to turning that around. Having my friend eventually be the first one mentioned below:


Are you in an emotional battle because of guilt? Is your guilt a loving instrument of God used to convict, correct and conform your character when you go astray? Or do you battle feelings of shame and condemnation when guilt strikes a blow to your heart? True guilt is your friend, a godly companion who whispers truth and motivates you to repent and be free. But false guilt is a relentless foe. It is the enemy within that encourages not godly, but superficial sorrow that brings death!

In contrast to Satan’s condemning accusations, the Holy Spirit never condemns true Christians. Romans 8:1 says, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” As a conscientious Father, God sometimes allows you to experience the consequences of your sin as an encouragement to change. But He will also produce in your heart a desire to do His will. (Read Hebrews 12:4-11.)

“For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.” (Philippians 2:13)

Meet two kinds of guilt: One is a friend who speaks truth, gently leading you to repentance and forgiveness. The other is a secret conspirator who taunts and condemns, bringing dishonor and inner shame. False guilt arises when you blame yourself even though you’ve committed no wrong or when you continue to blame yourself after you have confessed and turned from your sin. “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” (1 Peter 5:8)

(Hope For The Hurting Heart)