Both my parents, especially my father, was not able to offer emotionally what a daughter needed growing up. I grew up with criticism. My mum to this day thought she was showing love by being over protective, fearful and controlling.
Thus it is difficult for me to accept attention, kindness, love from people who honestly want to give to me. And even from my own self. I really do not do anything "for myself."
Many times I think there is some strings attached to people being kind to me. I go to analyzing. I do not trust. I do not not allow people to respond to me.
Shame overcomes me. A sense of unworthiness floods my soul. Hard to comprehend that I am "just that important" to others and especially to God.
But I am!
I am confessing it here. That I am important. Worthy to be loved.
Wo! Did I say that? Feels weird.
Whether I fully believe this or not right now makes no difference. I will continue to push on and press on and confess whether I feel worthy or not that.... I am important.
The shame I feel has put up a good fight against the love I so deserve. It has been an endless battle. But I believe it is a battle that will be won one day by love.
Time will tell. And it may be sooner than I think.......
Let yourself be nurtured and loved. Let people be there for you. Allow yourself to be held when it would feel good. Let someone listen to you, support and encourage you when you need that. Receive comfort from someone's physical presence when you need that. Allow yourself to be supported emotionally and cared about.
For too long, we've stood in the background, attending to the needs of others and claiming we have no needs of our own. We've shut off, for to long, the part of us that longs to be nurtured.
It is time, now, to claim those needs, to identify them, and to understand that we deserve to have them met.
What are our needs? What would feel good? What kinds of ways would we like others to nurture and support us? The clearer we can be about our needs, the greater the possibility they will be met.
Hugs. A listening ear. Support. Encouragement. The physical and emotional presence of people who care about us. Doesn't that sound good? Tempting?
No matter how long we've been recovering, we never outgrow our need for nurturing and love.
Today, I will open to recognizing my needs for nurturing. I will be open to the needs of those around me too. I can begin taking a nurturing, loving attitude toward myself and by taking responsibility for my needs in relationships.
Hazelden Foundation
By-the-way, thank you for your prayers. I took Melatonin last night. Was able to sleep better. Still had my moments though. Will need to watch this.
It is hard, but we must allow ourselves to be nurtured.
ReplyDeleteJust want you to know, I am praying for you even when you don't see me here. Hang in there!
Hugs,
andrea
Just, I can relate to this post more than Icare to remember, however the Holy Spirit guided me through the pages of my book and when it was done, though I thought I had healed earlier in my life,a true healing had materialized. I had an inner peace one can only fully understand when they feel it themselves. So serene and tranquil. I will pray you continue to recite how wonderful and loving you are and how all of God's pesonal gifts for you are right there for you to accept.. I hope you have a beautiful weekend and you start to feel better not only physically but from within as well God Bless you and may He ontinue to wrap you in His loving embrace...Patricia
ReplyDeleteI grew up feeling the same, getting the same msg from my mother, but she was not over protective or loving. She was aloof and made me feel as if I were an intrusion to her haried life. She gave plenty of attention to the others, just not me, I don't know why. The result is that I never EXPECT to be treated well. Throws me every time! Hang in there. Both, you and I are worthy of all life has to offer. I think the trick is to learn how to reach out and take it.
ReplyDeleteHooray for melatonin!
ReplyDeleteHelps me through rough patches, too.
I'm so PROUD of your open-to-love
heart, JBR!!!
This is real courage.
You are worthy of love and care
and respect and it's rolling your
way....like storm clouds of LOVE
rolling in:)
Well done, braveheart.
-Jennifer
I can SO relate to putting them walls up twards others. the mental abuse was so bad for me that I still have such a hard time with certain things that most people wouldnt.
ReplyDeleteJBR, I relate to this as well.
ReplyDeleteFeeling not worthy always hit me hard in the gut. I trust animals because they don't have any hidden agendas.
Same with God. No hidden agendas. Feeling loved and worthy was easiest to accept from God. Gradually I was able to accept it from others.
Unconditinal love and acceptance is given and received freely now. Just know that YOU are worthy and you are loved.
I know that you can feel all of the love from your bloggy friends. That helps me a lot. My bloggy friends are important to me. I feel loved by them as well as supported.
Just start with the little things and people and soon you will allow yourself to feel all the love.
Keep up the great work on yourself. You are amazing for opening yourself up so deeply, my friend.
Love and peace,
Pam
We all need the right kind of love and encouragement.
ReplyDeleteAs usual your blog today so resonated with me. After my childhood sexual abuse, my heart seemed to shut down and I erected a wall around me to keep others out that I am still having a hard time kncking down. But I so want to be without walls and not fear people and like myself. God is slowly but surely teaching me that I am worthy and loved and that it's ok to let go of those walls because He with be there to protect me and I don't need the walls anymore.
ReplyDeleteSending you lots of love and encouragement, my friend!
ReplyDeletePraying for you!
Blessings~
Laura
Woot for Melatonin!! I use it to help me sleep as I am a very light sleeper, I also need ear plugs because the littlest noise wake me up.
ReplyDeleteI was really teased in school when I was little. It had huge effects on how I grew and became who I am today. I never trusted people and became very quiet and an introvert but God took that and showed me things about Him that allowed me to trust Him fully even when the mean kids in school teased me to the point of tears. I believe this is in God's plan into shaping and forming us into the people He created us to be.
One of the reasons I home schooled my kids was becasue of the teasing and ridiculing I received in school but having said that my kids are very secure but other things have happened instead. I believe it is all in God's perfect plan so we can grow and mature and learn lessons that can be hard to teach. How do you teach a young child that 1+1=2? You need to show them with apples or whatever. Same concept here we need to experience learning not just see it but to feel it.
Bless you JBR for you are learning and growing in leaps and bounds and I am so very proud to know you and can be a very small part of this through the cyber world.
Praying for you dear, sweet child of God,
<><
Yeah!! Melantonin can help with headaches also. Hope you sleep well tonight too.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very empowering post! You ARE worthwhile. Personally, I really love to read your comments on my blog-- they always have sage advice and are always encouraging. The fact that you have had an effect on me (and many other people) means you are incredibly important. It's time that you are encouraging to yourself!
ReplyDeleteWishing you well,
NOS
We do need to nurture ourselves. So glad you wrote about that. And be gentle with yourself too. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI love the way you ended!
ReplyDeleteYou go girl!! I was very happy to see those words written down! And they are true! You ARE very important.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you got some sleep, JBR. I hope you sleep well tonight too. God bless you, my friend, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Wow JBR,,you sooooo bless us with You,,thanks for that and your openness, honestly and sharing..And sooo true, we never out grow this need. Praise God for melatonion,,,YEP..
ReplyDeleteMay you know, feel His Presnce throughout your weekend and new week..and May His blessings continue on you and yours~~~Hugs Dena
Thanks for my note too!!!
I can completely relate to this. IOP has helped me become so much more aware of how I perceive myself through the eyes of other people. And one of the biggest things is that I don't feel worthy of other people's love, attention, etc.
ReplyDelete