"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Sunday, February 20, 2011


Again I did not sleep well. Exhausted.

I am understanding now the pattern.

All of a sudden within the last few nights the enemy is using against me "doubt." Doubt in my abilities. Having me question myself constantly just before I go to bed. "Did I do this correct at work?" "Did I make a mistake? "Will there be retribution?" "I am a failure and I will be crushed emotionally." "Am I going to be fired because of something in my mind I think I did wrong, but did not?"


I never worried about this kind of stuff until now! My "fear level" has jumped off the charts on these nightly attacks. This is all new territory for me.

The enemy is having me worry about stuff that is so irrational that I even know it is irrational....but still worry.

At the same time I continue to battle with the Census people calling me non stop every day, weekends are the worst, for this damn follow-up survey and again appearing at my door. Waiting for me when I drive up to my home. I feel so invaded and stalked!! No wonder some people do not like the government. I am hoping I nipped it in the bud this morning as I HAD ENOUGH. Furious!!! I called and left a message saying if they bother me one more time I will call 911. I have a Constitutional right and I do not have to answer your questions. Whether this is going to work I do not know.

One thing though, at least it is clear now exactly what the evil forces are trying to accomplish and what I am fighting against. I am in a fierce spiritual war. He wants me defeated.

Through this, I want to encourage any, and I know there are many, who are going through major battles that.....

"No weapon formed against you shall prosper..." Isaiah 54:17

Thank God for the armor. Although it has been compromised some what these last few days. I know I have a Mighty Leader who is much more powerful than evil itself. And who is fighting my battles right along side of me. Still, these attacks though strong and continuous for now are NOT fun!

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people."
Ephesians 6:10-18


  1. JBR you're doing something right in the kingdom of God. That's why you're being attacked to fiercly. Remember God did not promise life wouldn't be without struggles. You're on the right path tho hard and painful at times. Carry the torch run your race be faithful. He will see you through. God Bless.

  2. praying for you right now...we will have toruble in this world...but there is another...one day...

  3. I wonder if your fear level is so high because of the lack of sleep? I know that you are very good at your job and it must be hard to be attacked by the devil to make you doubt yourself.

    Stay strong and kick that devil to the curb along with the census takers.

    Peact be with you and a some much needed sleep.

  4. JBR...I read your blog almost daily...but I don't always comment. Mostly because, I don't know what to say. I used to have a very controlling mother...so we have that in common. But I agree wholeheartedly with the first commenter (onthewaynow)! You are making a difference in the kingdom of God and satan can't stand it!
    I also think you're doing the right thing with those darn Census workers! If they show up again...follow through and CALL 911. Put up a no soliciting sign! Or, if worse comes to worse, get a baseball bat and chase them away! (I'm not advocating actually using the bat, of course):o)
    I'll be praying for you!



  6. JBR,
    You may think I am nuts but..... PRAISE GOD and Glory be to His name and His name only!
    Praise our Lord JBR and Satan will flee. It is not easy to praise God when everything looks and feels bad but that is just what you need to do. When everything was falling down around David, he praise God. When things were rotten for Job, he praise God. I am praising God for how you are looking towards Him. That out of all that is happening you are pressing into Him even if it feels kind of weak that is fine because it is not weak with Father.

    Praying and praying,

  7. Night time is my worst time to. I pray for peace for you JBR. You are a glowing light in a very dark world.

  8. Census takers are the wohrst. Avoid at all cost JBR. They re not going to let up.

  9. Thank you all for your comments. I received a second wind some how and was able to attend church today.

    Thus far after leaving my message this morning with the Census people, I have received five phone calls so far from different people from the bureau. My message fell on deaf ears obviously and their persistence has increased. This ticks me off unbelievably. And on a Sunday! And if they come knocking at my door, I will then call 911.

  10. JBR, I suggest you pray in the Spirit when you talk to them. Maybe that will keep them away. :o)

    I'm sorry you've been under such attack. Definitely bind worry and fear when they come against you my friend. The battle of the mind can be tough sometimes. (((hugs)))

    Peace, peace, peace ...


  11. I'm so sorry for this anxiety. Everything is amplified at night isn't it? But, you are fighting it with the right weapons! Your Scripture quotes are perfect...stay strong and let us pray for each other.

  12. I pray peace for your heart and soul

  13. Oh, I'm very familiar with the doubting. All of the time I doubt myself, which leads to compulsive behavior like checking or studying incessantly. I wish I knew the answer-- how to beat it. But alas, I'm working on that too.

    Good for you for standing up to the census people! That's not easy to do! Once again, you've set a boundary. Hooray!

    Wishing you well,

  14. JBR,
    Keep standing firm against these attacks and they will let up. Faith is a powerful weapon. I ask the Lord to encamp his angels around you and to guard you as the apple of his eye. Trust Him, dear one. May our sweet Jesus surround you with his peace tonight and give you rest.

  15. Hi JBR,
    For me when I feel under attack I go to God's Word just like you, and then I call out my Saviors name (JESUS)! By my calling out His name He has been a great help to me!

    My prayers are with you,


  16. Actually, it is the law for you to answer the Census survey.

  17. JBR: there is something called a congessional inquiry. You can call your federal congress person's office, describe the harassment and demand an inquiry. The federal agency (census bureau) must reply w/in 24 hrs of receipt of the inquiry. Even if no official inquiry is started I'll bet it gets em off your back

  18. its when the mind stills before going to sleep that the questions, the doubts, the fears awaken... it happens to me too.

  19. JBR...one other thought I wanted to share....Have you ever heard of the book "Hinds Feet on High Places" by Hannah Hannard? Check out your local library....you won't be disappointed.

  20. Wow those census folks must get paid by the door knock!!! Hope you get your anxiety under control. You are the same person you were a month ago, no reason for self doubt!

  21. I go through the same insomnia problems. As soon as my head hits the pillow, my mind starts racing with thoughts of everything I've done wrong throughout the day. It is so frustrating. I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope you can find a way to deal with it. I'm sending you much love and{{{HUGS}}}