"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011


When I read this devotional this morning, Boom I could relate.

This is how it was in my household growing up. My mum would end up doing mainly everything for me. My opinion never mattered. My desires were squashed. Either I did not do "things" to her liking; her irrational fear I would get hurt (depending on what it was); lack of assurance with whatever the project was. To this day she is the same way.

It was like I never learned how to walk on my own. Now I am. And that is what is confusing my mum these days. Me being able to do what I should have learned to do a long time ago on my own. Be responsible. Me finally being a Big Girl.

My mum flat out did not trust me with learning I suppose. Extremely over protective. There were times she would not let me play outside as a kid because she feared I would get hurt. I loved to play. That was my passion. My escape. I remember, I must have been around 8 or 9 and literally fighting her with my arms flaring because I was denied playing with my friends football outside. She repeatedly slapped me in the face because I challenged her. Wagging her finger at me.

My dad saw the signs. I would get conflicting signals from him questioning me "why I can't do certain things?" Scolding me. He then making me out to be incompetent in his own way, like my mum was doing as well by withholding me from learning every day things, i.e. cooking, cleaning, putting things together, washing, etc.

After a while I just gave up and gave in. That is why some things are hard for me to venture out in today. Social skills being one of them:

Once there was a little girl who was learning to walk. The trouble was, her mother wouldn't let her fall down. Every time she was about to fall, her mother would rush over and catch her.

It was hard to learn how to walk if she couldn't fall down, but the girl was too little to be able to tell her mother. Her mother thought she was taking care of her when in fact she was keeping her from learning to take care of herself. Letting her fall would have shown trust in the child, trust that she could get up. It would have taught her that she wasn't so fragile that she couldn't recover if she hurt herself.

We are all like this mother once in a while, protecting one another from important lessons in life. This doesn't mean we have to let someone get seriously hurt, but that we allow each other the freedom to learn and grow in individual ways.

What will I be able to learn from my little stumbles today?

Hazelden Foundation.


  1. JBR you've grown so much. Your realization of your weaknesses is a proven point how far you've come. In this life there will be constant struggles. No family nor parent is perfect. We are a flawed specie. I'm sorry what you had to go through in your home. You're now making a difference. You're breaking those generational curses. You go girl! God Bless.

  2. Love to big girl JBR today
    from another late bloomer:)

  3. JBR: I once watched my mom trying to cook with one of her older sisters. This sister was old enough to be my Mom's mother. My mom was in her fifties (about the same age I am) and in her own kitchen. The sister told her she didn't know how to cut an orange, wash a cooking pot, make noodles, etc that she had been doing just fine all these years. There was no reason for the critiscm except to draw attention to my mom's sister. Maybe that's your mom too!

  4. If we are never allowed to fall then we don't learn. I wonder why you mom was so worried about you getting hurt. That was the total opposite of my mom. She was always drunk and could have cared less where I was.

    We both had lonely childhoods. I love to see how much you have spread your wings. You are amazing in your struggle to over come the things your mom did to you.

    Take care and give yourself a hug.

  5. I had some terriable mental abuse from my MOTHER (thats what I had to call her, not mom, or mommy, just MOTHER)
    I made sure to break the chain of her abuse when I had my kids but many times would catch myself doing or saying something to one of my kids and stopping myself.
    its hard i know.


  7. Hi JBR,

    It is tough being a mom. I was very critical of my mom until I had kids of my own. My daughter is 18 and my son 15 and I tell you they can be very hard on me.
    My mom messed up and I know I am messing up as well. But thanks to our God there is forgiveness and a spot where He comes in and takes over.
    I had big plans on how I would raise my children and how they would listen to me and we would have a perfect family....NOT! My kids didn't go along with my plan. ;) Just like I am sure I didn't go along with my mom's plan.
    I am sure your mom loves you oh so much and really wants the best for you and try as she would she messed up.

    I will be praying for your relationship with your mom. Learn how to do things now for you have the best supporter right beside you guiding you and directing you; Jesus, your brother, King and husband!!


  8. you are doing quite well with it to share with us each day...you will get there...

  9. I believe in you. I believe you can do anything....I know you can...you're the best....

  10. "It was like I never learned how to walk on my own. Now I am. And that is what is confusing my mum these days." I think you hit it right on the nose there. You ARE learning to walk on your own, and I can see such progress with you. I know we can never forget the past, but we can change the future and that's exactly what you're doing.

    Wishing you well,

  11. JBR, since we met first here in this virtual world you have changed so much. You have grown beyond anything you ever dared considering before. Remember when you got a bankcard? Your own phone? Dear One, you are already walking, allow yourself to believe it. Paula xxx

  12. I see ya growin' leaps and bounds today though. Yes, sometimes we fall and it hurts but it's great to now you can get back up and run like the wind baby!

    God bless ya and have a fantastic day!!! :o)

  13. I think your legs are getting stronger! Keep walking! You are doing so well JBR...


  14. Thanks for sharing these insights with us, JBR. Anonymous makes a good point here. You HAVE changed so much! It's amazing, praise God :)

  15. JBR, you walk one step at a time and slowly you are walking like a big girl steadily as the beating drum :) very well done! blessings.