"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Wednesday, April 06, 2011


I am receiving a new line of attack from the devil. Well, more intense. He has always attacked me in this area. I have been noticing each morning (as this is the worst) he attacks me with sexual desires and memories of my brother and the few encounters that I had that were intimate with others. Explicit images and memories.

The devil is lying to me that this is the way to go. Look what I am missing out on.

I feel my heart racing. Anger and whatever other kind of emotion building up in me during this time.

Why now? Why so much.

I feel myself overcome. Shame. Guilty.

I go to prayer, plead the blood. And usually I am much better. But, it seems more and more the attacks are getting stronger in this area. I know I have been under a lot of stress these days, both emotionally and physically.


  1. Keeping on keeping on :) I'll be thinking of you.

  2. JBR I am sorry for your traumatic memories and recollections of your past. You know I read somewhere that the mind has a way of protecting itself from pending danger and does a pretty good job at protecting the self; but in times of great stress, it is likely for these memories of sexual abuse to increase in frequency which is a signal that the unconscious can no longer continue to suppress this information. Just a thought. Since you've been under some stress. God Bless.

  3. Why now? Why so much.......

    I find in my own journey that it seems once I've 'conquered' one level of struggle, trial, or temptation..I'm walking free...than WHAM!

    It would catch me off guard, at times I would fall into those temptations, becoming more ensnared than when it first began.

    As we grow in Christ, we learn NOT to fear these times...for WHO is really in control sweet sis? Not the evil one, and definitely not us nor our thoughts!

    GOD IS!! I felt the Holy Spirit speak to me when this was happening to me and I was so busy crying out to for help, questioning what was going on.."Angela, God is bringing you deeper into His presence. There is MORE that needs to be purified, refined and transformed'.

    It was like God was showing me He had to dig deeper into these struggles and issues. Layer by layer, He allows this to come our way, not to harm us but for our good and the salvation of many....

    God is working out more of these memories from your past to be the Refiner's Fire in every way.

    He IS increasing, and you are decreasing.

    Satan would just like you to get your focus on the 'fire', ....God IS good girl and He will be with you through this process and you will come out of this even stronger, even more precious and glorious, free from those things that were holding you back...He just keeps working in us...completing the good work that He has started in us.

    (((hugs)) I know it hurts...oh my, how I know...but like an infection, the 'infections' needs to be cut out..love ya


  5. When I am manic my sexuality hits an all time high and I cannot get past the erotic thinking. Maybe that is what is happening with you. You are not alone.

  6. There would not be a battle if there were not something to battle over. Satan's wrath is unleashed when a soul presses forward into faith. He figures if he can't have you on his side . . . and if you aren't his for eternity, then he'll try and make your life miserable while you're here on earth. Keep digging deep in the Word, finding Scripture that bind the devil and his ways. Call out the name of Jesus . . .the devil will flee. Doesn't mean he won't return, but once you have shown him that you will not be "fooled" in this area of your life, the attacks become fewer and fewer. Cling to the Cross and Word. There is no victory without a battle!
    Love and prayers,

    Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. (James 4:7)

    When the devil had finished tempting Jesus, he left him until the next opportunity came. (Luke 4:13)

    Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. (Ephesians 6:11

  7. Hang in there JBR! You are way stronger than the Devil because you have God on your side...

  8. I'm so sorry! Our thoughts haunt us and our memories overtake us. Just keep saying Get thee behind me Satan.

    I think a lot of us have this same problem.....I know I do and I often ask Why, Lord? Just help me lose those memories!

  9. (((((((JBR)))))))) Here for you.

  10. I'm sorry it's so hard for you now.

  11. Isn't it just like the devil to try to attack a person in their injured areas? Ignore him :) He has no power over you for you are Christ's. Don't let these type of thoughts make you anxious - that's exactly what satan wants. Place them gently in the Lord's hands when they come up and then simply trust in Him. I agree with onthewaynow and Angela here and thought their comments were excellent. God often allows things to surface while He is in the process of healing them. It's like peeling the layers of an onion - there always seems to be another layer underneath the first one. Keep your chin up, my friend. You are not alone.

  12. The closer you get to break through the more Satan will attack. He doesn't want you to make it and he is going to throw all kinds of stuff at you. Covering yourself in the Blood is the right thing to do, keep your eyes on Jesus and take it one step at a time. Forward and tell Satan to take a hike.

    Praying for you girl,

  13. JBR,
    I am praying for you. Jesus will never leave you or forsake you.
    God bless,

  14. oH honey youre not alonee in this. I have flashbacks of all kinds fomr my abuse. Hoping that you can erecover from these.

  15. Can I say what I think JBR? I will just be real OK? In my opinion, sexual feelings are natural and not really a problem. God made them if you will. Flashbacks to abuse are different of course, and very painful. But plain old sexual feelings are just human and can be enjoyable too - a good part of life. take care

  16. well each to their own, but I see sexual desire as completely healthy. In fact its the people that have no sexual desire that I feel sorry for. Flashbacks of abuse, well thats not so helpful, but my experience is that suppressing emotions is a recipe for disaster. acknowledge them, but you don't have to act out on them..

  17. Sorry you are struggling. I'm here listening and caring.