"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Saturday, May 28, 2011


Thank you to the ones who posted uplifting comments and prayers to me yesterday.

A few things are going on with my mum. Her b/p at yesterday's doctor's appointment was 186/80. High. She was nervous. She takes meds for her blood pressure. She is a diabetic. Takes meds for that. But was told to watch more closely her blood sugar. And then the final thing, as you all are quite aware of, she is a very fearful person.

By listening to her symptoms these past few days, anxious, nervous, heart palpitation, excessive sweating, I came to the conclusion that she could be possibly having panic attacks. I mentioned that to her. She denied that up the kazoo. "No not me. I have no problems with that." Meanwhile she has been taking Xanax twice a day after her husband died six years ago. The doctor yesterday became the psychiatrist. I sat in on their session. She wanted me there as she was very anxious and nervous and needed my support.

I know panic attacks are not fun. They are scary. I just experienced some real doozy's myself a few months back on my journey. So, I understand the fear. And since I have been brought up in this "fear environment," I know how it can exacerbate.

She was even arguing with the doctor saying that she is not depressed, nor fearful or unhappy when he questioned her. So, there I am sitting quietly looking at the doctor's expression. Knowing he knows she is in full denial. The symptoms prove otherwise. Even I know this! Finally, she listens to him. Not. She just does not like being labeled "having panic attacks." She thinks she is invincible.

The doctor gave her another prescription for her anxiety, Fluoxetine/Prozac. He told her to continue to keep taking the Xanax twice a day plus this new prescription once a day to see if her anxiety lessens. Telling her to give it time. She is already worried that it will not work.

The doctor said it will take a few weeks to really see affects from the new meds. So, she will continue to have episodes until her system gets regulated with the anxiety/depression meds, and controlling her blood sugar. I have to keep on reminding her of this, and that she is not dying. To calm down, etc.

So, after spending most of yesterday with her, missing work, listening to her dying wishes, constantly reassuring her that she is not dying at the moment, her parting words to me were, "Don't use up all your vacation time. (Perplexed look on my face) You will need those days the next time this will happen." My jaw dropped, and I said to her, "Did you hear anything the doctor said to you about your fears?" She got angry.

Again, thank you all for your support!

My plan today is to go and get Spiritually replenished.

I NEED IT!!!!!


  1. Wow sounds chaotic. It 's hard to get someone to listen especially when they seem so lost within themselves. We have to wait for a window to open and that can take a while and sap our energy.

    I pray for your strength and for your mum. May God come to your aid and open your mother's ears to hear.

    Stay strong, and calm.

  2. It is tough to have medical problems, so maybe it was a panic attack? I hope it will get better!

  3. Panic attacks are something I am VERY familiar with! Yes, clearly she is in denial! For what it's worth (not much since we don't know each other), I think you're handling things very well! I will pray for your continued strength and that the new meds will help keep your mom's panic attacks in check! Hang in there, JBR! You're doing great!

  4. I wonder why she doesn't want to believe him and accept her panic attacks. I pray that the new pills help her, that she takes them and that she watched her sugars. Hope you can enjoy your weekend.

  5. Fluoxetine only starts having effects after 2-4 weeks. I know, I started taking it a month and a half ago. If your mum is anything like me, she'll be sleeping a lot more. ;-)

  6. I wonder what happened to your Mom when she was a girl to make her so fearful? Her fear is so real and I hope she gets better. Fear stops us dead in our tracks.

    Lifting you and your Mom up for safety and peace and comfort.

    Blessings and joy to you.

  7. AnonymousMay 28, 2011

    Oh my goodness! I used to have panic disorder with agoraphobia and I can definitely attest to the scariness of a panic attack. But it sounds like your mom's anxiety is really sky high. I hope the Prozac helps. I know it stinks that it takes SSRIs so long to build up in the system, but hopefully it will be worth the wait.

    It sounds like you could use some relaxation. Treat yourself well this weekend!

    Wishing you well,

  8. AnonymousMay 28, 2011

    JBR good that you were able to get your mother to the doctors and gets some things straighten out. What Pam said about the fear your mother must have had a child to be so very extreme. God Bless.

  9. Your mum is a trip, she reminds me of my mum, Praying for both of you:)

  10. JBR,
    I hope your mom's new medication helps her panic attacks. I used to have them and know how frightening they can be. You are always in my prayers, my friend, and I'll keep your mom in them too. I hope you have a restful, blessed weekend! Hugs!!

  11. oh my.....so sorry for chuckling at this.
    it just sounds so familiar
    and I've learned to find the hilarity in it all
    as a coping mechanism
    (and because I'd rather laugh than cry and
    have to do one or the other just for the
    emotional release!)
    ...our mothers are most def cut from the same cloth.
    I send you the biggest, bravest hugs I can muster
    and pray for much strength and a good belly laugh
    when you need it.

  12. I love your ending...I'm going out to get spiritually replenished. Yeahhhhh. You go girl. And the neat thing...we don't have to repeat the dance of our parents.

  13. Hope the Prozac helps calm your mom JBR. Too bad she can't get some counseling to go with that, as she seems pretty lonely as well as difficult, from what you say. Really, they should offer that too I think, not just dispense pills. Anyway, glad things are more under control for you today. take care

  14. Doesn't sound favorable. Denial is a sickness of its own. Wonder what's she's really in denial of. Scripts might help calm her down but the real issue will resurface.

    I worry about you getting pulled into her basket of fear. Stay strong and know your boundaries. Sometimes, we are more effective from a distance. This may sound harsh but I'm speaking from experience. You will need strength from above to discern your steps in this matter. Stay full - this has the ability to 'usurp' your personal power, if you are not on guard. It is definitely a bondage not easily broken.

    praying for you, JBR on this matter. Praying that the spirit of fear against your mum would be paralyzed and made 'ineffective' against her - that she might be free from captivity. in Jesus Name

    Patrina <")>><