"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Sunday, August 28, 2011


It is not easy taking care of an aging parent. Let alone one that just had major surgery. This is the very hard part. One on one.

Those of you who have experienced this know what I am talking about.

Her b/p is up a bit, as well as her heart rate. Having a bit of a headache. I have to constantly remind her that her body is trying to heal and it is expected, after going through a traumatic operation to have the above happen.

Besides staying with my mum most of the time these past few days and checking on her throughout the day and night, making sure she is resting comfortably, massage her back when needed. I also attend to her hygiene needs. Do the shopping and yes even some simple cooking and cleaning. I have been constantly reminded of my past with my mum's controlling methods. "Get this, get that," "do this do that." "Don't do that." "Why are your doing that?"

Only this time, it is hard to "say no" because she does need my help.

Unfortunately my mum was not provided Home Health Care by her doctor after her surgery. It really would not have amounted to much except them changing her dressing and probably washing her up a bit. If she would want a nurse her insurance would not cover it. So she has "Daughter JBR" as her caretaker.

What I am leading up to is that even though I complain, which I am, I have been asking for God's Grace and patience in these days ahead. I so need His strength emotionally and physically during this time. It is difficult.

I feel resentful at times. I feel I am the only one taking the burden of responsibility. But, the guilt I once felt because of my crankiness and short temper is not as strong as before when I get this way. Especially at these trying times being cooped up all day with my mum. It is very trying!! The bickering.

My mum is a very stubborn woman. Regardless of just having major surgery. Still, I am realizing finally I am human. I have limits. And I do not have to take a lot of crap like I used to before in the past with feeling "bad" about myself. Especially feeling guilty because of the way I am feeling. Which is aggravated and on edge. I get this way especially when I am lacking sleep and constantly nagged over and over and over again.

Now even though my brother will be coming next week to take over for a week, he will have it easier with my mum. She would have regained some strength and would not depend on him as much as me.

Wow, I certainly understand the meaning of being "depleted" and "drained." It does take its toll on me. Struggling with so many emotions.

I have my very weak moments, where I just break down and cry. I may appear strong on the outside, but I am really crumbling terribly on the inside. Hopelessness and very fearful.

When my mum is resting/sleeping, that is when I do the same. I am exhausted.

Here I was even thinking about attempting to go into work a few hours at the end of the week. Depending on how my mum is doing. But, I am at a point I do not even have the desire to return to work.

It has been a long uphill battle not only with my mum's health issues, but mine as well.

I may need to just take some time alone at the end of the week and not go to work, and gather myself and regroup.



  2. JBR you've been through so much I only know that God's grace has been with you . He will continue to be with you as long as you call upon him. Take care of yourself. You need your strength to carry on. Hoping the stresses of your life will cease. God Bless.

  3. Hey I LOVE YOU SIs....Thanks for the blessed notes~~~~Hugssss and PRAYERS~~~Dena

  4. JBR by-the-way I have you and your mother on my prayer list. God Bless.

  5. I had to dothe same thing with my mother. My sister and brother didn't want any part in helping. I know what you must be going through. THe constant care zapped my strength. So keep healthy if you can. Take a break like you said. It will help. Good luck.

  6. Wishing for strength for you JBR. I'd say definitely do not plan on going to work next week - you will need all your energy to cope with your difficult mother. You are doing enough. take care

  7. It is not easy taking care of someone. I think taking some time for yourself would be awesome.
    Rest, go see a movie and take care of you! It is really sweet of you to take care of her and I pray that she will tell you that she appreciates it.

  8. I'll pray that God floods you with grace, JBR, and that your mother's recovery goes smoothly. It's hard to care for an adult with no help. I remember one time when my father was still weak after being hospitalized and I was checking on him that day because my mom wasn't home ...well, he fell and I could not get him up no matter how hard I tried. He tried to help but was too weak so I had no choice but to call an ambulance. It's too bad that she wasn't able to have a nurse to help with the more difficult tasks - this would have been a great help to both of you even if it was just a few hours a day.

    Mary ( I'm signed in but Blogger won't take my comment)

  9. I know the day will come when I will care for my parents, and when my children will care for me. So I pray peace, rest, patience and a grateful spirit for you. May God give you all you need.

  10. This reminded me of my best friend who has no family and caring alone for her mother. She's so burned out...I know your struggle as I see this from her. It is not easy like what you said...

    Sharing your burden through prayers...May you feel it...But what's not easy for me, I can't even do anything physically to help out my friend. Just prayers...I know she's weary. Take care of yourself too JBR!

  11. It is tough for you hon, but you can do this. Good idea to take a bit of a break before going back to work. Soak yourself in the presence of God and let Him fill you up.

    Praying for you,

  12. You have been through a lot and I agree, you should take time for yourself as soon as you can. Get some rest and a break from all the responsibility.
    You are such an awesome person! I'm not sure I could be my mother's caregiver, even for a week. She still gets to me at times and certainly drains me when she complains and is negative. 'sigh'... I need to be more like You my friend!

    Hang in there and Take Care of Yourself first!!
    Big Hug,
    Coreen XO

  13. Praying for you during this time. May God strengthen you during this time.

  14. As God is holding you up now,..so also will He give you rest.

  15. Dear JBR, I seem to have missed all that you have been going through lately! I am so sorry! I will pray now for continued strength to deal with all of this. God bless you and your mother. Wishing you peace today.

  16. God will be with you through these times. I was so glad to hear her report was good.

  17. oh friend,
    I pray fresh breezes
    and rivers of grace
    and burst of encouragement
    find you in the most unexpected ways
    and times and places
    ...know you can walk away as you need to
    in order to refresh yourself in the Lord
    (and that your brother may deal with the
    cranky irritability that comes between days
    7 and 12 of major surgery...you may realize in
    time that you've been given quite a gift!)
    Love and hugs,

  18. I'm praying for you, JBR, and for your mom. It is a difficult time you are going through. I'm so sorry but glad she is recovering. That is a great idea to take some time at the end of the week to regroup and rest. Do it. Take good care of yourself.

  19. I am so glad this isn't a part of my life right now. Especially since my parents and I are not in a great place.

    Thank you for talking about how hard it is. I hope you are finding the strength you need to get through and that others are helping. Best wishes.