A lot of deep shameful issues are being brought up lately. Triggered by being "way over stressed" with my present circumstances.
I was brought up in an atmosphere which led to shame. This is so evident when I am in t. When we touch on some painful issues. My little girl comes up quickly and tries to hide and withdraw. Even to the point of hiding behind her long hair. A barrier of safety.
She is afraid to show who she really is. She becomes afraid, unsure and uncomfortable when paid attention, comforted or loved. She feels she does not deserve any of these. Has trouble receiving. She only knew of being violated, fearful, disciplined, criticized, judged, controlled and very hurt.
God is slowly pulling me out of my shameful root system. It is a process. A long and painful one.
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love may have power . . .to grasp . . . the love of Christ. Ephesians 3:17
We all have root systems. Roots are life-lines. They seek out and drink in water and nutrients. And they provide stability in times of wind and erosion.
Unfortunately, many of us are rooted in the soil of shame. Roots in this rocky soil become bound. They cannot sustain growth. They are not able to provide nourishment or stability.
Recovery for many of us is like being transplanted. It is the process of allowing God to first pull us out of the parched and rocky soil of shame and to then plant us in the soil of love. In the rich soil of love our fragile roots can finally begin to stretch, grow and take hold. It is a soil in which real nourishment and real stability are possible.
But transplantation is not a simple matter. No matter how gently God pulls us up out of the soil of shame, there will be trauma. And sinking roots in new soil will feel like an unfamiliar and risky adventure.
As our roots sink deeper and deeper in the soil of God’s love, however, we will begin to experience growth that never could have been possible in the soil of rejection and shame. We will become ‘rooted and established’ in love.
My roots are in poor soil, Lord.
They do not nourish.
They provide no stability.
My roots are bound, Lord.
Transplant me.
Give me grace-full soil, Lord.
Sink my roots deeply.
Give me stability.
Nourish me.
In your love.
Amen.
Copyright 2011 Dale and Juanita Ryan
this is a terrible way to parent kids...through fear and shame...it leaves some incredible scars of inadequacy and leads to even greater fear....i know the HP can guide you out of this and continued recovery...
ReplyDeleteJI JBR - my post dated 8-25-08 and titled "The Kid In Me"? I hope it helps. :-)
ReplyDeleteLove to you
Gail/Annie
peace.....
Shame sucks. I hate it. It has so much control over how I deal with situations and my own self worth. I too am uncomfortable when I'm shown anything positive; love, attention, etc.
ReplyDeleteRemember, that you are a child of God. When you think of the shame that burdens you, remember that God sees ONLY you. The child He made!
Shame is so painful and not God's plan, JBR you have been going through so much, but your spirit remains strong, Keep on going, Healing from the scars of our past takes time. Sometimes a life time,
ReplyDeleteYou poor thing. My hart goes out to you and your little one. Sometimes like really sucks and I want to give up.
ReplyDeleteThat pic alone speaks volume! But no thick hair, no thick walls nor thick anything is not penetrable with His love and grace...Thanks be to God!
ReplyDeleteJBR CONCENTRATE ON THE FOLLOWING Recovery for many of us is like being transplanted. It is the process of allowing God to first pull us out of the parched and rocky soil of shame and to then plant us in the soil of love.
ReplyDelete(((JBR))) Go easy on yourself. You're human, and a great one at that.
ReplyDeleteWishing you well,
NOS
Wrapping you in hugs, prayers, and love. This is Denise
ReplyDeleteJBR you're a work in progress. You realize that. That's an accomplishment. As most do not even know or want to know the progress. They may not see the results right away. Become discourage and want to quit. You've been at it and keep at it. That says alot. God Bless.
ReplyDeletePraying you become rooted in the good soil and grow in ways you never thought you would or could. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteI love where you said that God pulls us out of of the parched and rocky soil of shame and plants us in the soil of love. Beautiful! I'm praying this for you. I'm praying this for me.
ReplyDelete"As our roots sink deeper and deeper in the soil of God’s love, however, we will begin to experience growth that never could have been possible...."
ReplyDeleteWhat beautiful words, that so struck a chord with me. I am so delighted that I passed by your blog today. I know many will have been encouraged and motivated by this post today.
Continue to be real - Be Blessed and thank you for popping into The Faith Lounge