"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Friday, January 27, 2012


Today's devotion (ironically enough, yeah right) talks about fear. Fear still remains a "Big" hindrance in my life.

I am seeing just how much I was influenced by my mum's irrational fears growing up and even to this day. Although I have improved tremendously from where I began my journey four years ago, I still can be ruled by fear and panic attacks.

Satan uses fear to his advantage with me. So much so, that there have been times, and still are, where I become physically ill before something I really want to do or need to be a part of. Something that would not even bother the average person. An every day normal event. I envision the worst! Something as simple as going out after dark because of the instilled fear from my mum that something bad would happen to me. My mum used to give me on occasion (her) Valium (that tells you something there) when I was in my early teens just to be able to calm down if we were going out in public. I would become so fearful of something awful happening to me.

After being forced to move up with my mum from FLA to NY when she soon remarried after my parents divorce when I was eleven, I lived all of my teenage years behind my closed bedroom door and hardly talked at home for years and was so isolated and in my own emotional pain. Satan used that situation to escalate the fear in my mum that I took on which prevented me not to accomplish things I needed in order to grow maturely and even spiritually. Every day normal things.

The devotional below illustrates a "loving" God concerned about us and does not want us to fear. Not like a "controlling" parent, minus the "loving" part. Whatever the reason, I am learning, although hard, the difference now and combating the lies of Satan.

I hope this devotional helps anyone else out there:

Friday 27th of January 2012

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I
will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right
Isaiah 41:10

Many of us struggle with fear. It is a very uncomfortable emotion. We would
be happy to be rid of it. It causes our hearts to race, our focus of attention
to narrow, and terrible possibilities to enter our minds. We wish we could
banish fear from our hearts by sheer will power. We wish we could simply
stop feeling afraid. Unfortunately fear is not dismissed so easily.

There is something about texts such as this one that leave us very uncomfortable. The words "do not fear" seem like a simple command. God says "do
not fear". It looks like a simple imperative. Our job is simply to
obey. But, we cannot seem to obey. No matter how hard we try not to be afraid,
we cannot seem to make our fears go away.

The key to understanding texts of this kind is to see that when God says
‘do not fear’, it is not a simple imperative from an authority figure. The
words "do not fear" are spoken as words of comfort. And they are followed
by a specific promise of God’s presence with us.

A loving parent speaks to a child who awakens from a nightmare with words
such as, "Don’t be afraid. I’m here with you. You are safe." This
is not a rejection of the child’s fears. It is not an instruction to do
the impossible. It is, rather, a promise of protection. If a parent says
only "Don’t be afraid," then the child learns that the parent
doesn’t understand and the child feels unprotected. But if the parent says
"Don’t be afraid, I’m here with you," the child’s needs are validated
and the child is comforted by the parent’s protection.

God comforts us in the way a loving parent comforts a frightened child.
God says to us, "I know that you are afraid; but I also want you to
know that I am here with you. I will not leave you. I will give you strength.
I will give you help. I will hold you by the hand so that you will not fall".

You know, God,
how often I am afraid.
And you know the soil in which these fears have grown.
And you know how I have struggled to be free from fear.
Help me to draw courage today from your presence.
Be with me.
Give me strength.
Help me.
Uphold me with your hand.
Still my fears, God of all Comfort.
Still my fears with your powerful love.

Copyright 2012 Dale and Juanita Ryan


  1. JBR this is so well written I can't expound on as you covered most of your pain and effects. One thing, I can't imagine what you went through as a child and then growing up during the most important years of your life. I believe you lived a isolated hell and I'm sorry for that. But our God is bigger. He's restoring you. That's the exciting news you can hang on to. You've helped so many with your truth through your pain. Me being one of them. God Bless.

  2. I hope you haven't forgotten me. I haven't been able to visit in FOREVER! I stay so busy trying to care for parents and then have my own life too.

    Fear was my biggest foe too. It has taken the majority of my adult life to get free from its grips. I broke free and you can too my friend.

    God's richest blessings to you!

    Love in Him,


  3. "don't be afraid"....I can never
    hear it enough.
    love those words:)

  4. I can relate to being crippled with fear, as well as to the isolation you describe from your teen years. I hope that you are someday able to heal completely from your fear.