"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Sunday, February 05, 2012


My pastor spoke today about pleasing God over man. This topic continues to hit home with me and weighed heavily on me. Bringing up some still painful issues that I have not been set free from.

Throughout most my life I have tried to perfect my trade in pleasing people just to make myself feel good and worthy. An important trait both my parents did not instill in any of us children.

Especially when it came to how my father would interact with me. Which was not all that often. An encouraging word from him was far and few in between. He had no problem with judging or criticizing though. Leaving a very wounded little JBR.

In order to fill the void of acceptance and self worth I sought out individuals to try and fill that need. Giving up the most important aspect of my life, "the real me."

I changed so drastically over the years in order to survive. Adapting very early on all the intricacies in playing against different personalities by observing and watching what makes one person happy and what makes them not. I deliberately became what the other(s) wanted me to be. Loosing all identity of myself. At the same time not getting too close. I did not want to become hurt. Well, that did not happen. I was hurt. Could not avoid it. But, sure as heck could pretend I was okay. Stuffing the pain of rejection, abandonment, loneliness, deep deep within. My heart was surrounded by walls. Detaching from anything that was real in my life.

A lot of the time I felt other people’s lives were much more interesting and pleasant than mine! Believing that others opinions about myself held such weight. If they did not like how I was acting (I still remember this with a co-dependent relationship I had about 20 years ago) that I would change to their liking. I was not good enough just being myself. I became a puppet. Responding to the strings that were pulled.

Somehow I was protecting and hiding deep painful hurts from my past by becoming someone that I was not. I wanted the pain to go away. I just wanted acceptance and to be loved. Even to this day!!

So, while I continue to grow (not an easy task) in my awareness that I am truly valuable; hold my own ground and that my true value is a gift already given to me by God, I can begin to let go of the tight hold I have on my people pleasing strategies for achieving worth and say one day very soon, "I have been set free from others opinions."

Then be able to dance in His Freedom!!!


  1. JBR I don't usually listen to videos, but I did this one. I'm glad I did as I sense the freedom that you're desiring so much. You'll get it girl. He's brought you this far not to fail. You may have some hills to climb ahead. But your mountains have been defeated by Him already.

    Freedom in Christ liberates us
    from unhealthy relationships and puts us in a right relationship with God. You'll get there JBR. God Bless.

  2. Doing my blog rounds before the super bowl. Read your past posts that i've missed. Hang in there JBR. I've hope in you as you are my encourager. A mirrored life somewhat.

  3. that man-pleasing thing
    is one of the biggies
    for everyone, I imagine.
    It's just so much a part
    of our fallenness.
    Grateful for the shepherd
    who won't quit on us
    until He leads us out
    into beautiful freedom.
    I'm hungry for it!
    love you, JBR,

  4. JBR,
    You are very valuable. :) To me and to many others here as well. The pain you have gone through and now scribing it here on your blog, is helping many people see and understand things they many never have known existed. God has certainly gifted you with expressing yourself. Have you considered writing a book?

    Love this song!! I have not heard this one before, thanks!!


  5. You are valuable just as you are...perhpas more emphasis needs to be place on our Heavenly Father and what HE thinks rather than your worldly father who constantly wants to criticize you and make you feel you are not good enough...now there is something to think about.

  6. God is a loving Father. Jesus called him Abba which means Papa or daddy. When I learned that, I knew I had the father I need. And He loves me just the way I am.
    Hugs and Prayers.

  7. You really nailed the origin of one of my problems here too. I am trying to really forgive and let go of resentments not from the way my father treated me, but the way my husband treated me. He liked to use the silent treatment and saying i was crazy like my mother and that others were better mothers than me. I thought I was fine but i have recently noticed how weak the latch is on my temper when my kids show me defiance and disrespect. May God forgive him and heal me. I pray the same thing for your Dad and you, JBR.