Trust in the Lord and in the good people He has put in my life are becoming more vital to me in my journey now. Part of it is that I am willing to open up more and embrace those that God has ordained to be in my life to encourage and "love" me along my way to healing. That is including my bloggy buddies.
Grant it, I still find I am on guard. Questioning certain people's motives until I am certain. Last year was a very hurtful and disappointing year for me. Trust went out the window big time with people throwing me under the bus! One's I thought I could trust. Ha!
These past couple of months have been a real test. I am out of a job. My crazy hormones and emotions do whatever they want to now-a-days. It has not been easy.
Those of you who have followed my journey from day one, know the emotional pain I went through to get where I am today.
Just realizing today in t. how far I have grown. One example which was very prevalent, a toxic relationship that began three years ago.
Coming into t. my hearts desire was to break away and heal. I was at the end of my rope. Catatonic. Even though part of me was scared to and was comfortable in dysfunctional relationships, as that is all I knew in order to gain self-worth, I wanted to be set free from this stranglehold on my heart. Then there were days I preferred the darkness of enmeshment. It has been truly hard and a treacherous climb to freedom in this one particular area. But Oh So Worth It!!! I say that now because.......
Something happened this week, that had me finally "wiping my hands" clean from the the last strands of attachment in the toxic relationship. Although there is still one stubborn straggler holding on to me emotionally. But, in time this remaining strand will be gone as well.
Coinciding with telling my t. about the events that led up to "wiping my hands" clean, I still have the tendency when sharing to want to control what I say. To be careful. Because I still fear being disapproved of and told to "stop." "Don't do that." Shame envelopes me if that happens!!! So, I try and avoid feeling shame at all costs and head it off at the pass. But, my t. told me to not do that, as I still struggle with misconstrued thoughts and presumptions. And she wanted to hear what I had to say regardless.
Your growth and strength continue to amaze me!
ReplyDeleteWASN'T WITH YOU RIGHT FROM THE START OF YOUR BLOG. BUT PRETTY MUCH HAVE SOME IDEA WHAT YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH JBR. GOD HAS SUSTAINED YOU. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. FIGHT FOR THOSE LAST MORSELS OF TRUTH AND HEALING. DON'T HOLD BACK. LET SHAME BE ABOLISHED FROM YOUR LIFE.
ReplyDeleteJBR you've come a long way. I have seen you grow through hard and good times of your journey. You've been an inspiration to many. I know for me at least. You were willing to change. No matter the pain. Not many have that desire. Many quit before there time. I'm proud of you. Always have been God Bless.
ReplyDeleteI'm writing you in hopes to say how much our voices need to be heard in times of speaking out on abuse. A google search led me to your blog. Full of hope and triumph. Exactly what my heart cries for. With salty tears of shame. The inner pain can be unbearable without the inner healing of hope. Thankyou for being real and putting words to my pain that I can't myself.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you were hurt.
ReplyDeleteTrusting others isn't easy but I've learned we just have to keep trying because there are those people out there worthy of our trust. Praying you have a great day!
ReplyDeleteGod bless you for having the courage to be real! As He continues to heal your wounds, I am sure He will use your story for His glory!
ReplyDeleteThat's a neet pic JBR. I'm glad that your healing and improving in your walk. Keep it up girl.
ReplyDeleteGood afternoon, JBR~
ReplyDeletePRAISE THE LORD that you have been able to let go of the strands that bound you to that toxic relationship. I have followed your journey for awhile now and rejoice with you in your healing each time a link in the chain of bondage is broken.
Your complete healing and restoration is getting closer everyday!
Praying for you, precious one~
Laura
Encouragement and love isn't that just what we end of finding in God? The deeper you dig the more He encourages and loves on you.
ReplyDeleteI believe I just heard another strap snap, a release in the path to total freedom.
Always praying,
<><
My therapists were wonderful people who helped me so much. I'm glad you are also being helped. God uses these people, I believe.
ReplyDeleteJbr
ReplyDeleteBe assured that your great strides towards healing are evident in the progression of your sharings here.
God is faithful
Although i have a great rapport with my therapist, like you, I find myself wanting to control what I say. I still fear judgment and shame. Reading your thoughts on this and hearing about your experience was really helpful. Thank you for that! xxx
ReplyDeleteLife... Love... Trusting Others...
ReplyDeleteIt's a Life Long Journey...
I'm not sure we ever really 'get there'...
~shoes~
it took me so very long to realize that the people who are in my life are there for a reason, be it to guide me, help me, show me what NOT to be, but a reason there is, for each and every one of them. i love the strength i hear in your voice today, and the hope and knowledge that what you're doing is right. love you, hunny!
ReplyDeleteSorry I havent access to internet lately. Wish you could see my wide big smile. I remember when I kept telling you how much you have grown, that I remember e.g. the bank card and the cell phone; that you have had a hard time holding on to it. It is so incredibly wonderful that you now see how much you have grown. Give yourself credit. Chapeau!
ReplyDeletehttp://paulastree.blogspot.com
Only the Lord can heal our hearts. In spite of the complex behaviour of people we still need godly relationships in our life. As we journey thorugh life, we will have all sorts of experiences with people. We can pray for discernment and also trust the Lord to bring the right people into out lives. When we get betrayed from people we least expect that do the unnexpected we must turn it over to the Lord. Our Lord also went through betrayal. Judas was with the Lord, the Lord invested so much time in him but see what he did. If Jesus went through that, we will along life come across funny people. But we must forgive and move on, learn but still reamin open to others. God bless
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