and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23
My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.
Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.
Daddy let me be secure in You only!
Thursday, March 08, 2012
Trust in the Lord and in the good people He has put in my life are becoming more vital to me in my journey now. Part of it is that I am willing to open up more and embrace those that God has ordained to be in my life to encourage and "love" me along my way to healing. That is including my bloggy buddies.
Grant it, I still find I am on guard. Questioning certain people's motives until I am certain. Last year was a very hurtful and disappointing year for me. Trust went out the window big time with people throwing me under the bus! One's I thought I could trust. Ha!
These past couple of months have been a real test. I am out of a job. My crazy hormones and emotions do whatever they want to now-a-days. It has not been easy.
Those of you who have followed my journey from day one, know the emotional pain I went through to get where I am today.
Just realizing today in t. how far I have grown. One example which was very prevalent, a toxic relationship that began three years ago.
Coming into t. my hearts desire was to break away and heal. I was at the end of my rope. Catatonic. Even though part of me was scared to and was comfortable in dysfunctional relationships, as that is all I knew in order to gain self-worth, I wanted to be set free from this stranglehold on my heart. Then there were days I preferred the darkness of enmeshment. It has been truly hard and a treacherous climb to freedom in this one particular area. But Oh So Worth It!!! I say that now because.......
Something happened this week, that had me finally "wiping my hands" clean from the the last strands of attachment in the toxic relationship. Although there is still one stubborn straggler holding on to me emotionally. But, in time this remaining strand will be gone as well.
Coinciding with telling my t. about the events that led up to "wiping my hands" clean, I still have the tendency when sharing to want to control what I say. To be careful. Because I still fear being disapproved of and told to "stop." "Don't do that." Shame envelopes me if that happens!!! So, I try and avoid feeling shame at all costs and head it off at the pass. But, my t. told me to not do that, as I still struggle with misconstrued thoughts and presumptions. And she wanted to hear what I had to say regardless.