"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Wednesday, April 04, 2012


My mum is in High Panic Mode!!!

When my mum feels she cannot get through to me she will send me a letter. Hence the following letter came this morning in the mail full of guilt-condemnation and pressure towards me along with an Easter Card. I am not happy about this letter at all and I will not address it with her. I refuse to take this guilt on:

Dear JBR,

It is easier to write then to talk to you. I am enclosing article about improving looking for jobs and also some ads from last Sunday's paper.

I am not blaming you but you must have seen that I was shocked that you had no money saved. You don't want to listen to me but I also know that the Lord will provide but He Wants us to be thrifty and think of our old age. You are not getting any younger. About 10 years from retirement but SS alone will not do it. You must start a systematic savings acct as soon as you have an income and make it as high as possible as you have wasted too many years by not saving. The main thing is to be employed! You need to find a job soon and arrange for your later life. I do not know how many years the Lord will give me maybe there will be something left for you and your brother but even that one cannot know. You know I love you and you know I worry even though I speak to my Lord and that helps and you know I want the best for you and your brother, so please take this letter seriously, it's advise that is good and that I have been able to follow as I came to the US with no money but the Lord gave me a brain and I followed His lead. He always had His hand on me even when I was not obedient in my younger years. He knows I never denied Him and love Him. All my love, Mom

It is amazing she starts off saying "I am not blaming you," then goes on blaming me. Everything is a "demand" from her that I "must" do! Pressuring me to find a job is not going to help matters. I have started to look. But, I am not going to become my mum. Guilt and condemnation is not going to cut it with me. Obviously I do not have a brain, but she does.

My heart has tenderized these past few months. So, when the opportunity comes up regarding this letter, I am sure I will not go too ballistic towards my mum like in the past. Lord continue to heal my mum from her fears!


  1. Oh, JBR, I'm so sorry you had to have this. As wrong the hurful words in this letter are, I do think your mom loves you.

    Not one moment of your life has been a waste. Even more than people on this earth love you, the Lord loves you to the highest level you can be loved. He doesn't regret for one moment loving you, and not only that, His love for you is not measured, but is extravagant, and lavish. Let that wash over you today. Ignore the hurt. You are loved my friend!


  3. Thanks a lot for your always kind words (((JBR)))..and I wish you be free of your mum's shadow that follows you even when you have enough on your plate..hope God helps her to open her eyes..and stops wasting this precious little time we all have to be together.
    God Bless You always

  4. So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matt.6:31-34

    You are in the care of a loving father who knows your every need...he will provide...no worries :)
    Maybe you should send these scriptures in a note to mum...as a loving reminder that you are well cared for.

    I have not a savings to speak of here but,the rewards of heaven are not to be compared...

    But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. 1Tim. 6:8

    I know what it is to be a mother and worry for a child,even a grown child...I am asking God to help your mother to turn all her worries and cares over to him...as mothers we can not fix the problems and trials of our children,only God can help with those things...it is then that we must pray and trust him..leaving the fixing to God alone.Loving advice is welcomed I'm sure but,the words must be chosen from wisdom and through prayer. Certainly without words to bring about feelings of quilt and shame...

    Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me. Psalms 54:4

    Blessings dear friend

  5. I meant to type (guilt) NOT,quilt :)

  6. My heart ached for you as I read your letter. I have been told this crazy saying that I use often. It says to eat the meat and throw out the bones. In the letter, glean the good you can, throw out the bad. Whatever you do, don't chew on the bones and do remember that your approval and affirmation come from your Heavenly Father! Love and peace to you this day my friend!

  7. So sorry, JBR. My heart is hurting for you.


  8. Your mother treats you like a child. I wouldn't stand for it.

  9. ((HUGS)) I believe your mother is concerned about your future but she certainly doesn't know how to encourage you. She doesn't see the hurt in here words. I am so sorry.

  10. JBR I'm sorry. The human tongue can do so much damage. It can ruin friendships, cause misunderstandings and put a wall between mothers and daughters. I don't think your mother is mindful what she says can damage. A lot of what we say is probably best left unsaid. You seem to have a positive attitude which will undoubtedly help when confronted. God Bless.

  11. Thinking of you, JBR. You are undergoing such a wonderful feat right now by taking controlling of your mind and life. I am confident that your future is going to be a bright one, and most importantly, a future that you have worked hard to create for yourself. You inspire me! xx

  12. JBR,
    first off, ((((JBR)))) hugs to you! I wish I could do it in person. Words of criticism and guilt are not helpful. It seems that what might be best is just putting it aside and dealing with it when the time is right. Whenever I get a letter filled with such a mixed bag I just sit with it and ask myself is there anything I can take from the words and apply it...the serenity prayer says it best; God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference....
    my thoughts and prayers are with you!

  13. I don't know your story. So, I cannot draw conclusions. I can only say that I had a rocky relationship with my mother. Your mum's letter sounds Beto one's my mom used to send me. Now, I'm sending them to my own grown child. Because I don't know the history between you and your mom, I could not see the condemnation quite as you do. I see a mother who is desperately meaning well, but has pushed some very sensitive buttons. My mother died, ten years ago. I now see her wisdom, and I thank her for all the financial wisdom she kept banging my head with. Now, I can only hope my own grown child will pick up on it. I pray for healing between you two. Once our parents are gone, we sometimes realize how much they can infuence us. I hope it's well, for you. In his name.

  14. Being minupulated by guilt is not a fair way of playing. Hoping your mother realizez whats shes doing.

  15. JBR, I pray that you will turn to the Lord for His leadership in your life and be able to keep your focus on Him. And not let your Mother's desire to control you keep you upset. You are a wonderful person. I'm sorry your mother makes you feel bad about yourself. You have grown and healed so much and God is taking suc good care of you.

  16. That is hard to take and swallow, but you are doing a very good job at showing mercy.

    From an outsider's point of view, I see a mum who cares for you deeply and is very, very concerned about your future. My mom was like that. The difference is I didn't come from an abusive family so I can see this from a very different angle.

    Keep your eyes on Jesus and He will help you through this.


  17. I really wish your Mum could understand what she is doing to you. A mother's love should be without conditions. As a mother myself I just do not understand why she lays a guilt trip on you! Stay strong and realize there are those that love you without laying guilt on you.

  18. There is always balance & no confusion from the Lord. I pray that for you today & for His divine wisdom to always guide you. I could feel your mother's love for you. What's hard is that her worries tend to tip the scale more. May she also have peace in her heart. Take care JBR...God bless.

  19. Sounds like my Ma. Obviously, she loves you but the way she loves you is killing you. I'm about your age and I know how you feel right now. I've been there. Don't give in to fear. There is a job. It has nothing to do with money or position. It has to do with who God wants you around. All the rest, the bills, the food you put in your mouth, your shelter....He will take care of. You haven't begged yet nor will you. Your needs will be met. Your change of employment is about who God wants you around and who God wants around you. He will take care of you. That is a sure thing. Bless Mum's heart. Help her faith.I appreciate you JBR.


  20. I appreciate all of your comments, prayers, encouragement, insights, and your own personal experiences.

    I think my mum is at a place now that she has to "tell me her opinion and what to do," but does not go any further than that now. Because I think she realizes that I will not tolerate her controlling me anymore. Stepping over my boundaries.

    I spoke with her last night. Thanked her for the Easter Card and there was no mention about the letter. Not saying will not bring it up at another time. Especially if she is having a panicking episode.

    But, I think she now knows, if she does not want me to hang up on her, she will let it alone. Just as long as she somehow gets her two cents in without going any further. Time will tell. Thank you again everyone. Blessings and hugs!