"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Friday, May 18, 2012


"When we are alone, when our private terrors have left us without the ability to speak, when even the simplest of prayers ["Help!"] is more that our weary hearts can muster – those are the times we need God’s Spirit most of all." - Excerpt by Dale and Juanita Ryan

I still find myself when terror attacks panicking. I did something yesterday, that I never have done before. I drove home from somewhere. Pulled into my parking spot and proceeded to take the key out of the ignition. It would not budge!

Within a millisecond I physically felt a cold slate of terror go through my body. That is the only way I could described my panic attacks. Becoming physically ill within seconds.

Okay.... so not being able to get the key out of my ignition brought all this on. What gives?

As discussed yesterday in t., when things are not going smoothly in my life and I loose control I go right into panic mode.

Not having a significant other, or a good friend to call upon in time of need, I panic. I feel totally helpless and afraid! Lose all sense of reality. It is like all my defenses come down and my mind is up for brutal enemy attack. Debilitating thoughts and fears flood my mind. Losing all my confidence in the one "Jesus" who can deliver me.

I did have the presence of mind to call upon the Lord a couple of times during this ordeal. But, failing miserably as my fears STILL overrode my trust in the Lord.

Will have to invest more time is memorizing preventive fear Scriptures. Like Isaiah 41:10.

My panic stems from my upbringing with my mum and my fearful/controlling enmeshed relationship. Although many battles have been won with my mum, there are still some areas that need tending to. Yesterday, was a very good example.

Oh by the way..... during my frantic five minutes of panic, where at one point my "extreme" irrational fears had me going to the place of killing myself to end this panic.....the Spirit led me to look down at my gear shift. I was still in "drive." So everything locks in my car until I put the shift into "park."

A simple "imperfect" mishap caused so much panic.


  1. AnonymousMay 18, 2012

    JBR my mother suffers from panic attacks. As children we didn't know what was happening when she was having one of them. Changed her personality and frightened us children. Glad you have a plan. Focus on God. He'll see you through.

  2. I love how honest you always are JBR. After reading everything I know God is moving in your life; He is definitely taking you PLACES, lady! Everybody needs somebody...that's my prayer for you today. Father, you are JBR's source. She turns to you, and you are her help. God I pray that you also bring her Godly companionship that can be physically helpful in difficult times. Not a codependent relationship, but a healthy relationship brought to her as a gift from her Father. I trust God that you know what is best and all of this is in your hands. In Jesus name, Amen

  3. Panic attacks are scary! I used to have them often when I was younger. We all have areas that God still needs to heal - I know I do. May the Lord take this fear away from you, my friend. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  4. AnonymousMay 18, 2012

    It's crazy isn't it? I have never had a panic attack but I have been close to those that did ...and it is very real .....God is our Peace and our Healer

  5. My husband had panic attacks a few years back. He would become almost frozen it seemed because he wasn't able to act or react to whatever set him off. I'm glad this ended well for you and you were able to figure out what had happened.

  6. Jesus as our great High Priest knows about these things even when you don't feel you trust as you should. And underneath - whether you feel it or not - are the eternal arms.

  7. I sorry that this happened to you and that your panic attacks are so severe. But you always come back to God and is the best place to be. Bless You.

  8. I get distressed many times, being alone I send out an SOS to a blog friend. She understands and always comforts me. I have found another local friend whom I can call when going through difficulty

  9. Sounds like a teaching moment. I know I jump to conclusions very fast, get angry and panic. Then I realize it was all for nothing. We need to step back and evaluate before we go off like that!